


Yours

by Kate_Shepard



Series: Chains [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, First Contact War, Fluff and Smut, Master/Slave, Palaven, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Shakarian - Freeform, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6328555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where the First Contact War continued and humans are kept as slaves. Garrus buys Shepard to appease his father but finds much more than he expected with the strange human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don't like to give Shepard a first name because I find it takes me out of the story with others but I couldn't figure out how to avoid it with this one. I'll use '"Shepard" as much as possible but my default is, of course, Kate. Bad ass Commander Shepard comes out soon, I promise!  
> Pre-Reaper threat.  
> BioWare owns the Mass Effect universe and all characters. I just play with it for my own entertainment.

Shepard schooled her expression into one of defiance and unconcerned disdain in spite of the fear threatening to choke her and the shame that washed through her. She stood nude on a platform beside a group of humans she didn't know who were similarly attired in nothing but a metal collar and a chain attached to the floor. She wanted to cover herself but knew that would only earn her a cuff on the head from the bored-looking alien who stood beside her waiting for the crowd of aliens around them to settle. Instead, she crossed her arms over her ribs and rocked back on her heel, eyeing each of them as they eyed her.

She'd been in captivity for five years now and this wasn't her first auction. She'd been captured by one of the aliens when her team had been overrun while attempting to retake Shanxi...again. She'd told her captain the plan was a bad one and he'd agreed but the Alliance was desperate and the orders had come down from the top. He had no choice but to send her in. She'd done her best but her team was green and they'd broken. No, she corrected herself, she hadn't been able to hold them together. She'd held off the enemy all but singlehandedly for over a week while they waited for exfil that didn't come. Unbeknownst to her, the turian fleet had put the Alliance into a full-scale retreat.

She hadn't known what to expect when the small team that had stuck by her had eventually been taken but she'd figured on torture. She'd known that the Council had hated humans and had granted the turian request to make human slavery legal, but it had never occurred to her that that would be her fate. Turians typically killed the soldiers and bought the colonists the batarians raided. Male soldiers were occasionally purchased as bodyguards but most soldiers were tortured and killed.

She hadn't been, though. She'd been dragged before the Council for questioning and the turian councilor, Sparatus, had claimed her. Sparatus had kept her for a year and then he'd given her to a barefaced Spectre named Saren as a reward for something he'd done. Sparatus had been...strange. Saren had been cruel, at least at first. He'd hated humans and spent over a year tormenting her, letting his crew have their way with her, using her for sparring even though she was painfully outmatched. She'd lost count of the broken bones and slices and concussions the ship's doctor had grudgingly treated.

She'd learned from him, though. He'd kept her with him most of the time and hadn't realized that Sparatus had taught her Palaveni when he'd discovered her with one of his books and had wanted to test her capacity to learn. She'd already been able to communicate in Galactic Standard. So she'd listened to Saren's instructions to his crew, had learned his strategies, and had filed all of it away to take back to the Alliance once she was free. He'd eventually figured it out and had beaten her for the deception but had been impressed that she'd managed to hide it for so long.

After that, she'd gained some semblance of respect from him. He'd stopped letting the crew have her. He'd continued sparring with her but had allowed her to fight back and, through his criticisms, had learned the best ways to fight a turian given that most had two feet and almost two hundred pounds of plate-covered body mass on her. Additionally, he didn't touch her. Not that way, at least. He said he wouldn't "sully himself" with her race. She'd wanted to respond that she'd been "sullied" by more aliens than she ever had by humans but knew the comment would earn her another broken bone.

The best thing about Saren, though, was that he'd taken her out into the field. He'd caught her shaking her head over his sniper and had asked if she could do better. When she'd said she could do better in her sleep, he'd narrowed his eyes at her. That night, she'd been woken up from a dead sleep, had a sniper rifle sized for a turian shoved into her hands, and was told she'd get a lashing for every shot she missed. She missed the first one because she'd needed to adjust to the gun. She hadn't missed any after that, though.

He'd gotten her a human rifle--she didn't want to know whose it had been--and replaced his former sniper with her. He never took her on missions against humans but he'd led her against mercenaries and pirates and even slavers who'd captured and tried to sell people from Council races. He'd taken her on those missions most of all and had let her kill to her heart's content. There'd been one where he'd told her the ship smelled of humans and had stood back and let her take down the batarians on her own. That was when she knew he'd grown to like her.

It had also turned out that it had been his parting gift to her. He hadn't explained why he'd gotten rid of her. He had deliberately neglected to tell the auctioneer that she spoke Palaveni, saying it might give her an edge. What he hadn't been able to do, thanks to the damn N7 tattoo one of her guys had convinced her to get, was hide that she was a soldier. He'd warned her that there were some who'd buy her just because of that in retaliation for things her people had done. He'd been cold, he'd been ruthless, he'd been strangely obsessive about control and order and cleanliness, he'd even been cruel. But she'd understood him and he'd understood her. She hadn't been happy with him by any means but she'd been comfortable. That, clearly, had been a mistake. 

The turian who had bought her then had been sick, twisted. He'd done things to her that had made Saren and his crew look tame. He'd tortured her for over two years. His goal had been to break her. It had taken years but she'd finally gotten free of his hold. And here she stood, skinny and scarred and scared, trying to look brave, trying to remember who she'd once been and at least pretend to be that person again. Hell, pretend to be any person.

___

"This? This was your plan to take my mind off of Nyreen?" Garrus Vakarian asked his friend. He hadn't loved Nyreen but he'd liked her. Her family hadn't been good enough, though, and his father had rejected the match. He was more disappointed about the sex than anything. She'd been good at it and he knew he wasn't smooth enough with women to get it easily no matter how good his name was or how long his fringe grew. Still, that didn't mean he needed to resort to this. "I'm not that desperate."

"Come on," Nihlus cajoled good-naturedly. "Give it a chance. You'll be amazed, I promise."

"Unlike you, I don't have a human fetish," Garrus said. "And I'd have to feed it. I don't even know what they eat."

"Levo food," Nihlus said. "It's not like it's hard to find. What about that one? She looks fun." Garrus barely spared a glance at the yellow-headed female Nihlus pointed at or the red-headed one he suggested after. Nihlus said, "You might as well pick one or I'm going to pick for you."

"Just what do you think my father is going to think about me coming home with a pet?" Garrus asked.

"It was his idea. He said that if you were less concerned with sexual compatibility that you could devote your attention to finding a suitable mate based on characteristics more important than how slim her waist is."

"Nyreen was a nice girl," Garrus insisted.

"Nyreen was after your family's status," Nihlus said.

"And isn't that exactly what Dad wants from me? To go after a woman because of her status and damn compatibility? He was lucky. He fell in love with a woman who had equal standing. Too many of us marry for standing and then are stuck with women we hate for the rest of our lives. That's not going to happen to me."

"There are a lot of women on Palaven. I keep telling you my colony has some nice ones you'd like."

"Yeah, but then she'd have to give up her pretty face paint," Garrus joked. He hoped Nihlus would forget this whole idea and that everyone would just leave his love life alone. That wasn't to be, though. When he realized that Nihlus wouldn't let this go, he huffed and scanned the gathered humans. He really had no idea what made a human attractive. They were squishy and small and they had that weird stuff on their heads.

The auctioneer gestured to one and said, "Lot number 4781, human female. Mid to late twenties. Former Alliance special forces. Was owned by Councilor Sparatus himself and then by Spectre Saren Arterius. Hear that, soldiers? She knows how to handle herself in a war zone. Take her into the field with you and she can keep your cot warm at night. For you higher ranking men and women, she can also handle herself in a business meeting if you prefer to be served by your own slave. As a bonus, she has no reported escape attempts.

"Full disclosure here, it says her last owner did die under mysterious circumstances but when she was found she was thought to be too weak to have been responsible. She doesn't talk. She is marked up and it also says that she is not fertile, so if you're looking for breeding stock, you'll have to wait. Due to all of that, we'll start the bidding low."

He paid little attention to the spiel. What caught his eye were the look on her face and her posture. Her body language and facial expression were exactly what he'd expect from a highly trained military operative in this situation. She looked like she were listening to a mission briefing and waiting to step forward and give orders to her team rather than a naked slave on an auction block. There was something behind her eyes, though, that decided it for him. She reminded him of his sister's pet varren. It had been a fighter and abused as well. When Sol had brought it home, the thing had been just like this human. Haughty, disdainful, violent, and scared. Solana had worked her magic on it and, in time, it had become the most loyal pet he'd ever seen. "That one," he said.

"Really?" Nihlus asked doubtfully. "I know she's got that tiny waist you like, but she's ugly. She's too thin and she's covered in scars. And she's bald."

"She's a soldier and she belonged to Saren. I'd be more surprised if she didn't have scars. Besides, a doctor can get rid of those. And her fringe or whatever it's called will grow back."

"Garrus, you heard what he said. He wouldn't have mentioned her last owner if she hadn't at least been suspected."

"And if he was the one who did all of that to her, then I don't blame her one bit if she did," he said and raised his hand to bid.

___

Shepard focused on putting one foot in front of the other. At least she was dressed now. Once the bidding was over, she'd been taken to a room and had an exo-suit shoved at her by an impersonal female. A few minutes later, the two turians who'd bought her had come into the room. The female had asked if they had a collar and they'd said they didn't so she'd put the metal one back on around the suit and passed the gray turian the chain. It seemed he was the one who'd actually bought her.

They took her to a supply shop, where the red one leaned up against the counter and flirted with the attendant while the gray one had looked around. He turned to her now and she was surprised to see that he looked kind of lost. He spoke to her in Galactic Standard and asked if she could understand him. She nodded. He had a nice voice. It was soft and deep and he seemed like he was a bit unsure of himself, though he'd looked cocky enough when he'd been bidding on her. Now that he had her, though, he didn't seem to know what to do with her.

He said, "I don't know what she needs."

The red one said, "Well, clothes unless you want her running around naked. I'd say an asari-style dress if she were prettier."

Shepard didn't even flinch at the insult. She didn't think turian females were the slightest bit attractive. Some of the males she could see potential in but the females all looked like they were wearing weird masks. She'd been considered pretty once before Flavius had gotten his hands on her but she'd never cared. It had been an annoyance more than anything. She was a soldier, period.

The gray one turned to her and said, "Well, uh, pick out whatever's going to be comfortable for you. I don't know anything about human clothes." She went to the clothing area and was relieved to find several fitted shirts that reminded her of her Alliance utilities and dark cargo pants. She showed him the style and the size and he said, "Good choice. These will work in the field. You'll need something, uh, nicer for the house, though." She watched as he thumbed through and held up a few. He had a good eye for someone who didn't know human clothing. At least she wouldn't look like an idiot.

She selected the toiletries she'd need and then got some instant meals since she wasn't really much of a cook. She could make dextro meals. Saren had seen to that. But she couldn't make a decent human meal to save her life. When she had what she needed, she turned to see him looking at a display with collars and her stomach clenched. They had styles ranging from plain to jeweled and soft to cruel. Many had electrical probes and sharp spikes.

She relaxed a little when she realized he wasn't looking at any of those. He picked up a slim metal one with a cobalt band through the middle that matched the blue of his markings and on his silver and blue armor. He took that and a plain blue leather one. She realized he'd picked out a lot of blue clothing for her as well. It must be his favorite color. Did turians even have favorite colors? She'd lived among them for five years but still didn't know much about their personalities or culture.

He checked out and requested that the items be delivered to the Vakarian estate. He had an estate. He was rich. She'd been bought by a rich playboy. Shit. She was imagining frat parties with a lot of alcohol and possibly drugs where she was the entertainment and her heart sank. That explained why his buddy seemed to care so much about her looks. She'd been hoping the gray one was military. He looked military. If he was, then maybe he'd take her with him and then she would have a chance at escaping or being rescued by her own people. She didn't exactly have a lot to go home to as she was an orphan who'd grown up on the streets but at least she'd be among her own species.

Their next stop was a tech shop. She didn't pay much attention until he reached for her hand. She reacted instantly, pulling away from him with a hiss, and then froze. He was staring at her wide-eyed and the red one was gaping at her. He was going to beat the shit out of her for that. A slave didn't reject her owner's touch, especially not in public. Only a few hours in and she'd already screwed up and after he'd gone out of his way to get her what she needed. She held out her hand, dismayed to see that it trembled, and waited for the blow.

He didn't hit her. To her amazement, he said, "I'm not going to hurt you. We need to fit you for an omni-tool. I want to be able to communicate with you since you can't talk."

She was stunned by his thoughtfulness and suspicious of it, too. More likely, he just wanted to be able to find her without having to go looking for her if he needed something. It wasn't that she couldn't talk. She supposed she physically still could. Flavius hadn't damaged her voice. He'd just trained her not to use it and now, even when she wanted to talk, the words got stuck in her throat. She, Commander Shepard, famous for her rallying speeches that could convince people to follow her into hell itself, had lost her voice.

After the tech shop, he went into a weapons shop and began looking at mods. The red one said, "Might as well get comfortable, human. He'll be in here for hours."

The gray one grumbled, "I'm not that bad."

The red one laughed and said, "Hell, Garrus, what more could you need? You've already got every mod you can fit on that damn rifle of yours."

Shepard listened to their banter as she stood quietly. The one called Garrus handed her the end of the chain leash and said, "You're former military. Look around if you like."

She managed a small smile and wandered over to the rifles, trying to look casual. She tucked the end of the leash into the pocket of her exo-suit and closed her eyes, breathing deeply of the scents of metal and gun oil. She could almost pretend she was standing in the armory on her ship. She opened her eyes and glanced around. No one seemed to be paying any attention to her, so she lifted a hand and traced her finger along the frame of a Mantis sniper rifle. The only time she'd truly felt alive in the past five years was when she'd had a rifle in her hands. She saw a Widow and went to it, itching to pick it up and feel its familiar weight in her hands.

"Hey, Garrus, looks like you've found a girl after your own heart. Too bad she's human," the red one said and she jumped, sure that now she would be in trouble.

Garrus left the mods and came over to her. "Infiltrator?" he asked and she nodded before pointing to the empty slot where her amp used to be. Slaves weren't allowed amps, especially on Palaven where biotics were still looked at with suspicion. Saren had let her use one during missions but had removed it otherwise. He looked surprised. "I didn't know the Alliance had biotic infiltrators."

She held up a single finger and then pointed to herself. One. Me.

"I always preferred the Mantis myself," he said. "Could you even carry a Widow?"

She nodded and made an inquiring gesture toward the gun. It wasn't loaded, so he nodded and she removed her helmet and then picked the gun up and settled it to her shoulder. She was malnourished and out of shape so it was more difficult than it used to be but it still felt right. She sighted down the scope with a smile. Even if it wasn't loaded, even if it was too heavy for her in her weakened state, it was still her favorite rifle.

"Huh. Well. We'll get you back in shape and I'll take you to the range. See who the better shot is," he offered. She couldn't help the smile that lit her face and he laughed. "You barely glance at clothes, haven't even looked at your omni-tool, but offer to take you to the range and let you fire one of my rifles and you look like I'd just set you...well, you look happy."

Garrus could see that she was weak. Her arms were beginning to shake under the strain and she reluctantly put the rifle back into its display. He noted the loving way her hands caressed it as they drew away. He'd definitely found a kindred spirit. Nihlus was right. Too bad she was human. He wanted to see her smile again. So he said, "If you had that gun, how would you mod it?"

She went over to the mods and looked through them. She picked up a few and shook her head before putting them back down. He could almost read her thoughts as she evaluated the pros and cons of each. Finally, she laid out a scope that worked through smoke and walls, a silencer mod that didn't sacrifice accuracy or stopping power, and a few others that were exactly what he would have chosen. He nodded in approval. If she was as good as he suspected, he might just get her one of her own once he was sure she wouldn't shoot him or his troops in the back. If he was going to bring her into battle, she needed to be able to defend herself.

His unit wasn't assigned to the war so he didn't have to worry about her escaping. He didn't know that he'd try too hard to stop her if she did. He wasn't a proponent of slavery and really didn't like the idea that he now owned another sentient being. His only consolation was that, with him, he could ensure she wouldn't receive further mistreatment. Hell, if he did end up close to humans, he'd probably just let her go. He would rather die than be enslaved on an alien planet. She'd managed to survive it. That meant she was strong and tough.

He thought back to the way she'd pulled away from him. It was like she'd expected him to hurt her. Considering the marks on her body--many of which had come from talons and teeth--he couldn't say he was surprised. What had surprised him was the way she'd caught herself and offered her hand to him anyway even before he'd spoken to her. He needed to get her to Solana. His sister would know what to do with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrus wasn't good at reading human expressions but he thought she looked surprised when they flew up to the estate. Her eyes were wide and she looked around as if taking it all in. He led her into the house, nodding at Alexander, the butler, and motioned her into the family room where he heard Sol calling his name. She rose and hugged him like he'd been gone for weeks instead of hours and then repeated it with Nihlus before stopping and staring at the human.

"You bought a slave, Garrus?" she asked, disappointment clear in her subvocals. "I thought you didn't believe in slavery."

"It was Dad's idea and Nihlus kind of pushed me into it. He was going to pick if I didn't," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, that explains the boxes that arrived a little while ago. I put them in your room."

He turned to the human. "You don't have to wear that suit anywhere on our grounds. They're shielded from the sun. Dad has a lot of non-turian guests."

She removed her helmet and Sol gasped. "Oh, just look at the poor dear! What's her name?"

"We, uh, haven't gotten that far yet," he admitted. "She doesn't talk. I got her an omni-tool so she can message. I've already got it programmed to me."

Sol turned to the human and said in Galactic Standard, "I'm Solana and he's my brother, Garrus. He's an ass, but don't worry, he's not the type to hurt you. Will you send him a message and tell him your name? I don't want to just call you human."

A moment later, his omni-tool pinged. He read it and said, "Lieutenant Commander Katherine Shepard. Just Kate or Shepard is fine. Huh. You look young to be a commander already."

"What's she saying?" Sol asked as she typed her reply.

He read, "I was a good soldier. One of the best. I promoted quickly."

"She sounds like you, Garrus," Sol said. "Well, Kate, if you'll come with me, I'll show you where your things are. I already put your food in the kitchen. I'm sure you want to get changed out of that suit."

Solana led the human through the house. The woman followed after a glance at Garrus. Sol still couldn't believe her brother had bought a slave. She didn't want to think about what he planned to do with the woman. She hoped she knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't force himself on her or hurt her if she rejected him. Mom was going to be very disappointed. She could see Dad making the suggestion as he didn't particularly like humans and didn't exactly see them as people but she couldn't see her mother agreeing with him. Lavinia Vakarian generally got her way. It made Sol wonder what Dad had said to change her mind.

The human stepped into the room and Solana turned to evaluate her. She was short and very thin. The protective suit hung on her. The fringey stuff over her dark eyes was a deep brown and Sol assumed the stuff on her head would be, too, once it grew back. She had very pronounced bones in her cheeks and a strong chin that made her look a bit stubborn. Human lips were strange to Solana but she thought hers were nice enough. Her skin was smooth and pale where it wasn't scarred.

She thought she could see why Garrus had chosen this one. She held herself confidently but Solana was good at reading eyes, whether on people or animals, and this human reminded her of Cassius, her varren, when she first brought him home. There was something feral and afraid there. So Solana kept her voice soothing and made sure to move slowly around her the way she had with Cassius. She said, "This box has your clothing. There's a washroom through there. Our water here is filtered, so levos can use and drink it. You're welcome to go take a shower and get cleaned up. I put your toiletries in there. I'm not sure where Garrus will want you to sleep, but he won't mind if you use his room for now. There are towels below the sink. If you leave your omni-tool with me, I'll program it to mine and then we can talk as well."

The human--Kate--nodded and removed the bracelet that held her omni-tool. She started to remove the suit and then stopped. Her hand went to the collar around her neck. Solana sent a message to her brother and a moment later there was a click as the collar released. Sol removed it and threw it in the wastebasket. She was not going to let this poor girl wear that horrible thing. If Garrus hadn't done it already, Solana would at least find her something pretty. She waited while Kate went into the washroom and by the time she returned, Sol had programmed her own omni-tool to match and allowed her access to the extranet. Since the omni-tool was registered to a human, there were already blocks in place that prevented her from using tech weaponry, accessing human networks, or communicating directly with anyone who wasn't specifically approved. She added her parents and Nihlus and nodded in satisfaction. She could at least learn what was going on in the outside world and access games and vids if she got bored. There may be laws in place outside but in this house, Sol was determined that she be treated like a person.

Kate came back out and Solana saw that she was right. The human was underfed. She had seen humans naked before and their ribs weren't usually that prominent. Her hips jutted out almost like a turian's and they weren't supposed to. Her body was covered in more scars, these worse than the ones on her face. She was in worse shape than Cassius had been. She also wasn't used to being this thin. Sol could tell by the way she looked down at the clothes that hung on her. They should fit but they didn't. She said, "Give it a few weeks. We'll get you fed back up and then everything will fit. Your fringe will grow back, too. If I may ask, why can't you talk? You can understand me, right?"

Kate activated her new omni-tool and Solana read her message. _My last owner said humans didn't need to speak._

She looked up at her. "Were you punished for talking? I see. So it's mental rather than physical. Well, we'll fix that, too. You don't have to do it until you're ready but please know you may always speak freely with me."

Kate looked surprised and somewhat wary, as if she thought it was a trick. Solana assured her it wasn't. _You're very kind. Thank you._

"I would ask if you're hungry, but that seems like a pointless question. Of course you're hungry. Come with me. We'll get you something to eat. If human physiology is at all similar to a turian's, then I would suggest you start small so you don't get sick."

___

Garrus looked up from his omni-tool a few hours later as Sol and Shepard came into the family room. The difference in the human was already noticeable. Her face wasn't as pale and she seemed more relaxed, at least with Sol. Her clothes didn't seem to fit right but she'd grow into them once she'd eaten more and she did at least seem more comfortable with them. They took a seat with Shepard automatically going to the floor and Sol continued telling her about the house and their family. Every once in a while, Shepard would type something and Solana would respond as if she were answering a question.

Nihlus had finally left and he had been doing research on humans. He wanted to know what she ate and what her physical needs were in order to properly care for her. Human physiology was very similar to asari outside of their fringe and skin and the lack of ability to join minds. He hadn't been able to bring himself to look up their sexual habits yet. He just couldn't picture himself with this wisp of a woman. He'd hurt her without even meaning to and, given the way she'd reacted to him simply trying to touch her arm, he doubted she'd be receptive. Dad would just have to get past that idea.

Cassius bounded into the room and, to his amazement, Shepard made a cooing noise as she unerringly found the varren's favorite spot. She laughed when he licked her and then rolled onto his back. She obligingly rubbed his belly. The varren's tongue flopped out and Garrus had a sudden image of her rubbing his own stomach like that. He'd probably wear a similar expression.

Sol said, "It seems like you've made a friend, Cassius. This is Kate. She lives here now." Shepard's hand paused for a moment and Cassius nudged her. She resumed petting him but the distance was back in her eyes. Sol noticed and said, "So, Kate, I'm guessing he isn't the first pet varren you've seen." She typed something into her omni-tool and Sol told him, "She had a pet varren that she rescued. He lived on her ship."

"What was his name?"

Sol laughed and said, "Urz. She got him from Tuchanka." Switching to Palaveni, she said, "Garrus, how can we enslave these people? She has a whole life out there. She's smart and she's kind and I'm sure she misses her home. She has feelings, Garrus, and a career and friends and people who miss her and are probably worried sick about her. I wish we could at least contact her family and let them know she's safe now."

He said, "I know, Sol. I don't like it any more than you do. At least here we can make sure she's treated well."

"I showed her the gardens. I almost thought she was going to say something. Did she tell you her last owner beat her when she spoke? It's fear conditioning, not a lack of ability."

He shook his head. "She didn't tell me. I haven't had time to talk to her as much as you have. Help her, Sol. You and Mom are the ones who fix things. She already seems to trust you a little. I think she thinks I'm going to hurt her. She's afraid of men. She wouldn't go anywhere near Nihlus. She was owned by Saren Arterius, which meant she was on his ship. She's probably seen all the worst that turian men have to offer and none of the good."

"She'll come around," Sol said. "I don't know that she'll ever...be what Dad thinks she'll be for you, but she'll learn to like you and trust you eventually. Even if you are an ass, you're a good man. A bad turian, maybe, but a good man."

"I love you, too, Sol."

His father chose that moment to walk in. Castis Vakarian was an older version of his son physically, but very different in personality and temperament. His eyes went to Shepard on the floor and he said, "Good. I see Nihlus spoke with you. I did expect you to choose one a bit more...comely. What is wrong with her face and fringe?"

"Castis!" Lavinia said from behind him as Shepard went to her knees and dropped her head.

"What?" he asked. "I doubt she speaks Palaveni. Most humans can barely manage Galactic Standard. They aren't very intelligent."

Sol bristled at that and said, "I'll have you know that she is actually very intelligent. She is fluent in Galactic Standard, she was the commander of a starship, and--"

"She's a soldier?" Castis asked. "You brought a human soldier into our home and are allowing her to sit unrestrained? Please tell me you have at least purchased a control collar."

"No," Garrus said firmly. "And I won't unless she does something to make me think she needs it."

"Garrus," Castis said in the tone he'd used when his son was a child, "she did not reach the rank of commander without killing a good number of our people."

"And how many of her people have you and Garrus killed, Dad?" Sol asked.

"That is beside the point," her father said dismissively. "She is dangerous. I will not have her harming you or your mother."

Sol argued, "Look at her, Dad. Look in her eyes. She isn't going to hurt us. I've spent most of the day alone with her and she hasn't done a single thing wrong. She could have stabbed me with a knife in the kitchen but she didn't."

Garrus said, "She has no history of violence toward her previous owners. You know Sparatus. Ask him about her."

"I will," Castis said and activated his omni-tool.

 _Vakarian_ , Shepard thought. She'd heard that name before, a long time ago. Now she knew where. She glanced up to see her former owner on vid comm. He greeted the elder Vakarian and listened to his concerns about her. Sparatus said, "You have no reason to worry, Castis. I trained her personally. I'm disappointed that Saren didn't choose to keep her but glad to see that she's found a family that will put her to good use. She'll be perfect for Garrus. She can fight with him or serve him at Hierarchy events and she's quite skilled in...other ways as well. She will not harm your family. Is she there?"

Castis said, "Yes. She's right here," and did something to the screen so that Sparatus was facing her.

She gulped when he addressed her in Palaveni. So much for her edge. He sounded shocked. "Shepard, what the hell happened to you? Did Saren do that to you?"

She shook her head and Sol said, "Sir, I don't think she understands you. And she doesn't speak."

Sparatus chuckled. "Oh, she understands me. I taught her. She's an intelligent woman. I'm sure she hasn't forgotten. She is fluent in Palaveni and can read and write it as well. Her accent is atrocious but humans can't form many of our sounds correctly. What do you mean she doesn't speak?"

Sol explained and Castis said, "She will damn well speak to the Councilor when he addresses her or I will beat her myself."

Shepard hated herself for cringing but when Solana and Garrus stepped up and put themselves between her and their father, she reached up and put a hand on the female. Solana had been kind to her and she didn't want to cause trouble for her. Garrus as well, but she couldn't bring herself to touch him. Solana stepped aside but remained standing by her. "It's okay, Kate. He won't hurt you. He'd have to get through us first and Mom, too, if the look on her face is any indication."

"She can take a beating," Sparatus said with a wave of his hand. "She could before, at least. I don't know that she could now. Shepard, tell me what happened to you."

She knew that tone. It was an order. She felt Solana's hand rest on her shoulder and tried to respond. Nothing came out. She tried again with the same result. Frustration burned her eyes and fear twisted her gut. The more afraid she became, the more her throat closed until it was a struggle just to breathe. Cassius placed his head on her lap and whined. She put her hand on his head and tried again but her throat was frozen.

Solana said, "Look at her, Dad. She's terrified. Can she write it out and I'll read it?"

Garrus answered, "Yes. Shepard, message one of us."

She did and Sol read out, "It wasn't Saren. Flavius Valernus was my last owner. He did this. Please don't make me talk about it." She paused and said, "Huh. She can write in Palaveni. Wait. Okay, she says that her omni-tool wasn't set to it and apologizes for eavesdropping. That's okay, Kate. It wasn't anything I minded you hearing. In fact, I'm kind of glad you did."

"Treat her well, Vakarian, or I will take her back," Sparatus warned and Shepard stiffened. She didn't want to go back to him. He'd taught her, yes, but his...appetites had been disturbing. Solana squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

"Perhaps you should," the elder Vakarian said. "As usual, my son has obeyed but taken it upon himself to do the exact opposite of my intentions."

Garrus growled and said, "She belongs to me. She is under my protection. No harm will come to her."

Sparatus laughed. "Clear enough, I suppose. Your family is safe with her. Does that answer your questions, Vakarian?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you for your time."

"Any time," Sparatus said. "Oh, and Shepard, if you do consider harming them, keep in mind that I can have you in stocks naked on the Presidium within hours with a sign announcing your commendations from the Alliance. What Valernus did to you will seem like child's play once a station full of angry turians gets through with you." Shepard shuddered and he grinned maliciously. "That had the intended effect. She knows that I will do it."

The elder Vakarian ended the call and said, "Fine. You may keep her but I expect her to be used for her intended purpose. I will not have another Nyreen brought before me because you prefer to think with your genitals. You will make a match that suits our family, Garrus, whether you want to or not."

"I will mate when I'm damn good and ready," Garrus said.

A mistress. That was her purpose. She knew enough about turian culture from Sparatus to understand. Their family was clearly high-ranking and that meant that he was expected to marry for power rather than for love. She was supposed to be his mistress so that he didn't have to worry about going to his wife for anything but procreation. It was a common practice, though generally the other woman was a turian. But it was not at all unheard of for a slave to be kept for that reason, either. It didn't matter how kind they were to her, she was still expected to be his physical mate whether she wanted to or not. She'd been stupid and had allowed herself to forget what she was for a few moments. Solana's friendly nature combined with food in her belly, the warmth of the varren, the lack of a collar around her neck, and Garrus' kindness had lulled her into feeling like she was simply enjoying time with new friends in their home. She'd felt like an equal for the first time in years. That illusion had been shattered the moment their father had walked in the door.

It seemed that both of his children took after their mother who was currently looking at her with the same kind expression that Solana wore. The father was the odd one out here but he was the obvious ruler and, after meeting him, she would not make the mistake of forgetting her place again. The argument raged around her but she didn't listen. She bowed her head and tried to focus on the varren who seemed to sense her distress and want to comfort her. When the father left, she called up her omni-tool and sent a message to Garrus. _May I have my collar, sir?_

"She wants her collar," he said, sounding surprised.

"Why?" Solana asked. "You don't have to wear it in the house."

_It helps me remember who I am._

Garrus repeated the message before leaving the room and Solana made a sound of distress. "Damn it, Mom. She was just getting comfortable and now Dad's ruined every bit of it. She probably thinks she's going to be...you know. Garrus won't do that, Kate. He won't force you."

The mother said gently, "I'll try to talk to him. You know how he is with humans, though, and how important it is to him that Garrus secure our status for the next generation. If he pushes hard enough, your brother might give in. He won't hurt her, of course, but he may be forced to claim his rights. I will try to make your father see that doing so would have the opposite effect of what he wants. I am so sorry, child. Please do not be afraid. His bark is worse than his bite."

It took Shepard a moment to realize she was being addressed. When she did, she looked up into kind green eyes set in a golden face with bronze skin behind the plates. Shepard thought that it, like Solana's was a kind face. Sol was a combination of her parents with a faceplate the color of a buttercup against a dark gray background. She made Shepard think of a flower set against a storm. Both women had markings similar to the males but theirs were more graceful and artistic than the blocky patterns on the men. Perhaps it was because they'd actually talked to her like a person but she thought they were both very pretty. She tried to smile at the mother in thanks but could manage only a slight quirk of her lips.

Garrus came back holding the plain blue collar. Sol said, "You could have at least gotten her something pretty, Garrus."

He answered, "She's a soldier, Sol. And I don't think she likes what you call pretty. Everything that would have fit that description was heavy and looked uncomfortable. I got a silver and blue one for formal events but this will be more comfortable on her at home and she can wear it in the field. It'll break if it gets caught on something instead of breaking her neck." He paused and said, "Damn him. I thought that if she didn't have to wear this she'd be more comfortable around us and feel more like a...friend of the family, I guess. Spirits forbid he actually allow her a little bit of kindness. I don't want to do this."

Sol said, "I'm not going to. She only wants it because Dad treated her like shit and she doesn't feel like she can let her guard down."

Garrus' voice was thoughtful when he said, "Armor. That's why she wants it. It's armor. Damn him. Look at me, Shepard." She looked up. He had gone to a knee in front of her. She cocked her head in curiosity. Why did he want to be on her level? He said, "I'm going to give this to you. It's yours to put on and take off as you wish as long as we are on the grounds. If we leave, you have to wear it, of course, but when we're home it's your choice. If it makes you more comfortable, then wear it. But look. No lock. You don't have to ask permission to take it off. Dad is an ass. He won't hurt you, though, and if he does then you come to me and I'll take care of it."

She nodded and he handed the collar to her. She put it around her neck and relaxed. She'd gotten used to wearing one and, while light, its weight reminded her of who she was and what she was. They may treat her well. They may not even like the position they were in. But they were her owners, not her friends, and she had to remember that. They could beat her, sell her, force her to do anything they wanted, give her away, even kill her and would be entirely within their rights and she couldn't do a damn thing about it unless she wanted to end up in the stocks on the Presidium. She'd seen what happened to women there. Sparatus had taken her there once to make a point and she'd seen the crowd gathered to watch. Not a single person had protested at what he'd done to the woman and there had been no doctor to patch her up until her punishment was over. If Sparatus put her there, her punishment would never be over. He'd let them kill her. She had no rights. She wasn't even considered a person under Council law. Indentured servants on Ilium had more rights than she did. She couldn't let herself forget that.

Garrus watched her withdraw. There were no more smiles, no more laughter, and even the defiance she'd shown on the auction block was gone. She had closed herself off somewhere he didn't know that even Solana could reach. He wanted to reach out and stroke her head the way his mother had when they were young but didn't want to frighten her. He watched instead as his sister did it. Shepard didn't respond but she didn't pull away and he supposed that was something. He'd give the human to Solana if he didn't know his father would just end up buying another. He wasn't interested in any other.

He felt pity for the women who'd accepted their fates and chosen to throw themselves at any turian man that told them to but the pity was mixed with revulsion. He already knew that Shepard wouldn't do that. She may accept but she wouldn't give in. She felt fear but she didn't run, didn't protest or cry or panic or beg. She turned inward and drew on the core of strength he knew she had. The fact that she'd survived what she had and yet could still be kind to his sister and affectionate to a varren rather than becoming a feral creature full of hatred and rage or meek and cowering told him she was strong.

Nighttime brought an entirely new problem. He didn't know where she would sleep. There were servant's quarters attached to his own but they weren't set up. The guest rooms were in a different wing of the house from the family areas. Solana thrashed in her sleep. He wouldn't make her sleep on the floor. Finally, he told her to get into bed with him. All of the color drained from her face but she squared her shoulders and obeyed. He typically slept nude at home but he thought that would just further convince her that he intended to take advantage so he left his clothing on. She lay stiffly beside him, staring up at the ceiling and he turned his back to her to show that he wasn't going to take anything from her.

Shepard waited but he remained facing away from her. When she heard his breathing deepen, she allowed herself to relax. He wasn't going to force her. At least, he wouldn't tonight. She thought about his mother and sister's words. They both seemed convinced that he wouldn't unless given no other option and he didn't seem to be afraid to defy his father. Perhaps she would escape that fate for a while. She closed her eyes and eventually fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Garrus was used to doing for himself, so he didn't know what to do with a slave. His sister and mother refused to let her do much for them. His father, on the other hand, had no problem with assigning tasks to her. When she wasn't running around doing something for Castis, she was a silent waif that floated almost aimlessly around. She actually seemed relieved when Castis would call for her. It didn't matter whether it was a menial task or a difficult one, she did it with care and precision that reflected her military training. It irritated Castis that she didn't speak, but she'd gotten so quick with the omni-tool that it didn't hinder her much.

His mother noticed her affinity for the gardens and spent hours in there with her teaching her about the flora and fauna of Palaven and how to care for her precious plants. Garrus didn't know what to think of that. His mother didn't even let Sol tend to them. Of course, she also joked that Solana could kill grass. Shepard listened to Lavinia with the same respect and devotion that he thought she would show her own mother and it touched him. He stood in the doorway to the gardens and watched them as Shepard carefully helped her transplant some flowers Lavinia had grown in her hothouse. Mom was telling her stories about their childhoods and he noticed that Shepard looked almost content. She'd gained weight and muscle tone over the last two months and her fringe was starting to grow. It created a soft-looking down on her head that helped her not look so wan. She wasn't as pale, either. The shielding blocked the radiation from the sun but her pigment still reacted to its rays. The scars were still there and she was still too thin, but she looked altogether different from the defiant slip of a girl he'd pulled off of the auction block eight weeks ago.

  
"I do wish you would talk to Garrus, dear," Lavinia said when he left.

Shepard knew that but the words still got stuck. He'd been good to her and she was gradually losing her fear of him, but she wasn't ready and he didn't push. It was easier, too, to keep them at a distance if she didn't speak. It would be far too easy for her to look at the kindly Mrs. Vakarian or the bubbly Solana as a surrogate mother and sister and that was dangerous. She couldn't let herself get attached to them. Even Castis had begun to grow on her. He reminded her of Saren without the ruthlessness. As long as she did what she was bid and did it well, he was happy. He'd even gone so far as to thank her and praise her work when she'd managed to repair a clock that had been passed down through their family and hadn't worked in generations. She had always been mechanically inclined and could fix almost anything she got her hands on given the right tools. He'd stopped threatening to beat her after that and had begun couching his orders as requests.

Garrus had been unfailingly kind with her and she was becoming more comfortable with him. He had yet to touch her outside of the habit he had of pulling her to him in his sleep. She hadn't expected to share a bed with him. She'd had a cot at the end of Sparatus' bed and Saren had not allowed her in his cabin at all. He'd given her a section of the hold to call her own and, eventually, a cot there as well. Flavius had kept her caged. She knew there were other rooms in the house. In fact, she kept her things in the room attached to his. But he seemed to like having her with him and, she supposed, it at least gave the illusion that he was obeying his father. She had to admit she'd gotten used to it and even maybe liked it a little.

She told herself that she watched him simply because she needed to pick up on his habits and mannerisms. He had a warm sense of humor that she enjoyed. He was confident and capable, kind to his mother, teasing toward his sister, and generally respectful if a bit distant with his father. He never had women over unless his father arranged for one to come to dinner and he was polite but reserved with them, to Castis' consternation. He could get rowdy and boisterous with Nihlus but that was rare. He was extremely intelligent and she enjoyed listening to his stories as much as she did the rest of his family.

She was settling in. She appreciated this time with Lavinia in the gardens. The atrium was her favorite part of the house. It was peaceful here among the strange-looking plants with the smell of flowers and the chitter of the silvery flying creatures that seemed like Palaven's version of birds. The small pond--more a pool of water than a pond, really--sparkled in the sunlight. Lavinia had given her permission to swim in it when she wasn't otherwise occupied and she could float there for hours without getting bored. She liked the house. It, like most things turian, was very similar to things she recalled from her ancient Roman studies. The atrium was the center and the rest of the house curled around it like it was a hearth fire on a cold night. She'd been given free roam and had eventually learned her way around. Unlike the modern metal wonder that was Cipitrine, this house was built from pale golden stone with rosy ribbons running through it. There was a central living area for the family and another wing that was used for guests. The family's quarters were in their own wing and, while turians were very communal and spent a large amount of time together, each member of the household had a suite of rooms for themselves and it was expected that one would not be disturbed while there.

There was a small household staff but they gave her a wide berth. She was somewhere both above and below them, fitting in with neither family nor the paid staff. One of those staff came in now and informed Lavinia that the afternoon meal would be ready soon. She thanked the man--Alexander, the butler--and then looked down at her hands. "Why is there dirt on my talons?" she asked. Shepard cocked her head but then Lavinia said, "Gardening. Of course. Never mind."

 _That was odd_ , Shepard thought. It was almost like she'd forgotten where she was for a moment. Shepard told herself she was imagining things but then she remembered Lavinia staring blankly at a plant the day before and trying to remember its name. That had been odd, too. Lavinia knew her plants like the back of her hand. There had been other things as well that Kate had overlooked until she thought about it now. She would have decided to simply watch her but Garrus' unit was shipping out the next day and they would be gone for several weeks. They parted ways to clean up for dinner and Shepard used her omni-tool to send Garrus a message. She didn't want to worry Solana and didn't know if Castis would even listen.

  
**KS:** Sir, I am concerned about your mother. She has been uncommonly forgetful over the past few weeks. I didn't think much of it at first as everyone has moments but she has forgotten names of things she should know and just asked me why she had dirt on her hands. I may be overreacting as my foster mother had Alzheimer's and behaved similarly but I felt it serious enough to warrant your attention.  
**GV:** What is Alzheimer's?  
**KS:** A neurological disorder that causes significant memory loss in humans.  
**GV:** Damn. I hope you're wrong. Thanks for telling me. I'll let Dad know to keep an eye on her.  
**KS:** You're welcome, sir. Shepard out.  


That done, she showered quickly and went to the kitchen to prepare her own meal. She didn't have to eat on a turian schedule as she didn't eat with the family but she'd gotten used to it and so she generally tried to eat just before the family so that she could be available if Garrus or one of the others needed something. She ate quickly and took up her position against the wall at a relaxed form of parade rest as the family came into the dining room. Garrus nodded at her before taking his seat. She listened with half an ear so that she would be prepared if she was needed but let her mind wander otherwise. She was a bit nervous about being aboard a turian ship. She had an idea of what to expect from Saren's and was not looking forward to it. She didn't think Garrus would share her with his crew but wasn't sure. A part of her wished he would leave her here but another part looked forward to being in a military environment again, even if it was the enemy's military. She denied that she would miss him if he left her.

 

___

 

The next morning, they gathered up the gear they'd packed and said goodbye to the family before getting into the sky cab he'd called. It was a fairly short ride to the docks and she tried to quell her rising nerves. It was working until they arrived and she realized that his ship was much larger than Saren's. She was about to be the lone human on a frigate surrounded by turian soldiers. One ran up and saluted Garrus before taking their bags from the car. Garrus was an officer. She'd never asked but it didn't surprise her.

Then she saw Nihlus and the human standing beside. She was small, like Shepard, and covered in tattoos and scars. The sides of her head were shaved and the hair on top was pulled back into a ponytail. Her eyes smoldered as she looked around at the gathered turians but widened when she saw Shepard looking at her. Shepard hadn't known Nihlus had a human. He'd never brought her over when he visited or mentioned her. Shepard knew why she was here, though. Garrus had probably brought her along for the same reason. It seemed her hiatus was over.

She followed him onto the ship, bypassing the soldiers who were reporting in. It was larger than an Alliance frigate and dimmer as well. They passed by the CIC and she told herself not to gawk at the holographic map of the galaxy. He led her to the cockpit where the pilot stood and saluted him and began to report on the status of the ship. He nodded and told the pilot to notify him once everyone had reported in and then led her to the elevator behind the galaxy map. It delivered them to a small deck that contained only a single cabin. It, again, was larger than what she was accustomed to but was even sparser than an Alliance cabin. She looked around and then back at him. He looked amused at her expression. He wasn't just an officer. He was at least as highly ranked as she had been. He had to be the commanding officer of this ship. She'd only been an XO when she was captured. And he'd never mentioned it. She looked again at his amused expression and saluted him smartly but her lips quirked into a smile and he laughed at her.

"None of that, please, Shepard. I'm just Garrus with you unless we're in the field." She cocked her head curiously, waiting for an explanation and he said, "That is, if you'd like to get back in the field. This unit is a galactic peacekeeping unit not actively engaged in the Relay 314 War. You wouldn't be fighting against your own people. Our task at this time is to protect our outer colonies against raiders. We've received reports of Blood Pack mercenaries out of the Terminus Systems targeting one of our colonies. You can fight with us or you can stay on the ship."

She wanted to fight, but there was one problem. _Weapons?_

He nodded and grinned. "I thought you might say that. There's a crate by the weapon bench with your name on it."

She found the crate and her hands shook with excitement as she opened it. A Carnifex hand cannon lay on top. She pulled it out and realized that it was a custom model and already modded. It looked exactly like the one she used to carry except for the Vakarian family crest and her initials in turian script on the grip. What lay beneath it, however, was what made her eyes dart to him. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. He nodded and she drew out the Widow sniper rifle, seeing the mods she'd selected on the first day she'd been with him. It, too, bore his crest and her initials.

Her voice was husky from emotion and disuse and she had to force the words past her throat, but a gesture of this magnitude deserved one in kind. Speaking for the first time in two years, she said hesitantly, "Thank you, Garrus."

His eyes widened and his mandibles flared but there was amusement in his voice when he said, "Hell, if I'd known that was all it would take to get you to talk, I'd have bought you the damn rifle the first day."

She looked like she was about to say something else and he had to bite back a curse when the pilot came over the comm, "Captain Vakarian, sir, all crewmembers have reported for duty and pre-flight checks are complete."

"Thank you, Tertius," he said. "Set course for Thracia."

"Understood, sir."

When he looked back at her, she was tracing her initials with a finger and wearing one of the first real smiles he'd seen on her. Past the scars and the cheeks that were still a bit too hollow, past the fuzzy fringe and the fact that she was an alien, he had the thought that he'd never seen anything so beautiful as her in that moment. Sitting on the floor with her legs tucked beneath her, his collar around her slim neck, his name and a smile on her lips, with a sniper rifle across her lap and a pistol beside her she was simply breathtaking. The gun had been expensive, sure, but he could afford it and it had been worth every credit to hear his name in her husky voice. She'd made it sound almost musical. And she was his.

He shook himself and thought that he'd clearly spent too much time surrounded by his family and her if he was looking at a human slave like this. He'd seen Nyxis' name on the roster. She was generally willing to help him blow off steam. He'd make his rounds, introduce Shepard to the crew, and then leave her with Nihlus and his human for a while. They had a couple of days before they arrived at Thracia. He could afford a little time to start the trip off right.

She secured her new weapons on the bench with his and followed him out of the cabin. Diocles, Malcenas, and Capaneus were on the bridge. They barely spared a glance for Shepard as they took a few moments to catch up with him. He found Albion, Titus, and Decimus in the mess hall with Portia, the ship's doctor. Portia's human, a male, stared open-mouthed at Shepard and she stopped and stared at him as well. He couldn't tell if they were just surprised to see another human on board or if they knew each other. Either one was possible.

"Do you know him?" Garrus asked her. She nodded. "Portia, do you mind if she goes over and talks to your human? I think they recognize each other."

"That's fine, sir," she said with a wave of her hand.

Shepard walked slowly over to the man standing beside the wall of the med bay. "Alenko?" she asked quietly once she was sure she was out of earshot of the others. Talking to turians made her nervous but she had no problem with speaking to another human. She and Alenko had never been close and she didn't know him well as they hadn't served together long but he'd been on her last crew. She hadn't realized any of them had survived.

"Commander! What are you doing here?" he asked. He sounded so happy to see her and so familiar and so human that she could barely stop herself from throwing her arms around him.

"I could ask the same of you," she said instead. "I thought you were dead!"

"That's what I thought of you. We heard none of your ground team made it. Mine was almost back to the shuttle for exfil when we were overtaken. We were all captured. The doc over there treated my injuries and claimed me on the spot. I've been here ever since, except on shore leave, of course," he explained. His eyes searched her face. "What the hell did those bastards do to you? Did Vakarian do that?"

"No! No, he's been very good to me. I was...like this before he...." she couldn't bring herself to say that she'd been bought, not to someone who'd known her before. Just being near him with her back to the turians and a ship around them made her feel more like herself. She felt her old persona coming back and her posture, which she hadn't realized had been beaten down, straightened and her shoulders squared. Her voice was stronger when she said, "Have you been treated well?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I like the doc...for a turian and Vakarian runs a tight ship. I've never seen him with a...a human before."

"It's a long story," she said. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry, Commander. Uh, I think Vakarian is coming for you."

"It's good to see you again, Alenko," she said quickly. "The circumstances aren't ideal but it's nice to see a familiar face."

"You, too, Commander, and please call me Kaidan," he said.

"In that case, it's just Shepard. I'll see you around, Kaidan," she said. He saluted her and she returned it before doing an about face to go join Garrus. She allowed herself to close her eyes for a moment and pretend that she was on her own ship with her own crew once more. Then Garrus said her name and the moment was over.

"Friend of yours?" he asked.

Just like that, she was Shepard the slave again and had to force herself to speak. She'd broken her silence and didn't figure he'd be willing to go back to communicating via omni-tool. "He was one of my crew," she said.

"Hmm. Well, maybe you'll, uh, feel more at home here, then. I'll ask Portia to let the two of you talk when you're both off-duty. Come on, let's go find Nihlus. He's got a human, too."

They took the elevator down to the shuttle bay where Nihlus was working in the armory. His human sat beside him, passing weapons to him to catalogue. They stood when Garrus and Shepard walked up and Garrus said, "Have you seen Nyxis?"

"Bored with your little human already?" Nihlus asked.

"Just answer the question," Garrus said.

"Last time I saw her, she was setting up in the crew quarters," Nihlus said.

"Good," Garrus nodded. "Keep an eye on Shepard for me. I figured she could talk to your human or something. She hasn't been around one of her own people in a while."

"Fine by me. They can clean some of these weapons while I take care of the armor."

The woman motioned her over to a larger weapon's bench than the one in the cabin. "I'm Jack," she said.

"Shepard."

Jack raised an eyebrow and said, "Not _the_ Shepard?" She nodded and Jack said, "No fucking way. You're the Commander Fucking Shepard? As in, most highly decorated soldier under thirty, Star of Terra, one-time liberator of Shanxi Commander Shepard? What the hell happened to you? We all heard you were dead!"

Shepard glanced over to see the two turians looking at them. Nihlus looked amused. Garrus looked stunned. Shit. Well, she guessed they'd both learned something about the other today. Shanxi had changed hands more than once during the war. The last time it had been taken by humans, she'd been the one to lead the assault. She and her team had wiped out an entire turian platoon with just three people. That had been why, when the enemy had retaken the planet, she'd been called in again. This time, though, the Alliance had wanted it done their way and had tied her hands. And here she was.

Garrus must not have put two and two together. Or maybe the turians just hadn't known her name. Her face was different now and most of them didn't bother trying to learn to tell humans apart unless it was someone they knew. She wondered what he would do. Memories of her treatment on Saren's ship came flooding back.

Jack said, "Shit. He didn't know. I'm sorry. Let me know if he beats you too bad. I've got some extra medigel stashed away. So, you've been with the turians for all these years?"

Shepard didn't look away from Garrus as she said, "Yeah. I didn't even know Nihlus had a...human."

"Slave," Jack corrected. "Call it what it is. I think he got jealous when yours had one and he didn't. He bought me a few weeks ago. He isn't as bad as some of the others. Fucks a lot but he's good at it, so I don't mind too much. He's just like everybody else but at least he's honest about taking what he wants."

Shepard didn't know what to say to that. She watched Garrus leave, presumably in search of Nyxis, and turned back to the weapons. Jack passed her an assault rifle and they got to work. Shepard watched the woman from the corner of her eye. It was strangely comforting to be performing such a mundane task with another human even if the woman was a bit odd. She had to have been in captivity for less time than Shepard if she'd heard about what happened to her unit but seemed to accept it.

"How are you so okay with all this?" Shepard asked.

Jack looked at her and said, "Because regardless of what they might do to me, it's still better than what our own people did. The shit I've been through...hell, being Nihlus' slave is actually a relief. You might think it's weird, but I'd follow him into hell itself. He let me blow up Pragia."

"Pragia?" she asked.

"The facility where I was held captive by Cerberus. You think those scars are bad? We'll catch a drink and compare horror stories sometime."

It was strange how differently the three humans on the ship dealt with their situation. Kaidan accepted it. Jack was happy. Shepard just focused on taking it one moment at a time and appreciating what small things she could while tolerating the rest. Similar situations, vastly different approaches. Still, it was nice not to be alone.

When they finished with the weapons, Nihlus dismissed her to go find Garrus. He wasn't in the mess hall or the CIC so she took the elevator up to the cabin. If he wasn't there, she'd message him and let him know where she was. She wanted to look at her rifle again. She couldn't believe he'd gotten it for her or that he was going to let her fight. She didn't mind fighting alongside turians as long as it wasn't against her own people. It got a gun in her hand and an enemy she could do something about.

The door slid open and she stopped, staring in shock at the pair of naked turians on the floor. They apparently hadn't even been able to make it to the bed before going at each other. Garrus had the strange female bent over the table and she could see claw marks on both of their bodies. She knew she should be glad that it at least wasn't her but she didn't know what to do with the irrational spurt of jealousy and betrayal she felt. She didn't want him. She didn't want anyone. So then why was her body responding to the sight of him naked and wishing she were the one on the table? Why did she have the sudden urge to throw the woman across the room? He wasn't her turian. Shepard was his human only because he quite literally owned her like he owned her gun and her clothes and Solana owned Cassius. He wasn't her friend or her boyfriend. He was her owner. And if a little bit of kindness was all it took to make her forget that yet again, then she had acclimated far better than she ever wanted.

She shouldn't be wanting him after everything that had been done to her. She could understand it if she'd reacted to Alenko with desire. He was human and good-looking and someone she knew. Kaidan wasn't a damn turian that had taken her from an auction block because his father wanted him to have a mistress so he could go be a good little turian and find himself a good little turian woman to be his good little turian wife while Shepard fucked him when she wasn't otherwise occupied with taking care of his good little turian family that she could never be a part of. Heat burned her throat as she realized that the collar hadn't worked. She'd come to like his family. Aside from his father, they'd all treated her like one of their own. She adored Solana, cared about Lavinia, and had come to truly like him. Somewhere in the past months, she'd gotten used to sleeping in his arms and had begun to see him as hers though she still couldn't bring herself to even think about him sexually. Until she saw him with another woman, that is, and realized that she actually did want him after all. She was a damn fool.

She took a step back, intending to turn and walk away but her foot scraped and he looked up. He froze and they stared at each other for an eternal second before she turned and ran from the room. She made it as far as the elevator before realizing she had nowhere else to go. She hadn't been given freedom to go around the ship and didn't know if doing so alone was an open invitation for his crew to pull her into an empty space as it had been on Saren's ship at first. Nihlus had sent her away with a hungry look toward Jack and she definitely didn't want to see that, either. So she sank down in the shadows of a dark corner and called herself the worst kind of fool.

This would be her life if she didn't cut these feelings off now. If it hurt this much seeing him with another woman now, then how much worse would it be if she actually let him touch her? Not that she truly had a choice but she had to do something. She couldn't be the mistress to someone she cared about. She'd never cared that Sparatus had a wife and had been relieved when he left Shepard alone to go do his duty to her. She'd been grateful for the nights that Flavius had chosen a turian. She should be glad that Garrus had done so rather than sitting here like some woman who'd walked in on her lover cheating on her.

The cabin door opened and the woman stormed out. Her eyes landed on Shepard and she said, "Stand, human."  
 

Shepard stood obediently and pain bloomed in her face as the tang of blood filled her mouth. It was a shock to be struck after months without a hand being raised to her but this pain she could handle. She almost welcomed it. It was something she understood. So she called up her most disdainful expression and eyed the woman critically. Strange, pale mask-like plates, drab skin, small but decent breasts, a tiny waist, wide hips. Kate didn't see the appeal and let it show in her expression. The woman hit her again. Shepard refused to flinch.

"You don't go into your owner's cabin unless he calls for you, slave. Your quarters are on the engineering subdeck with the other humans. Don't let me catch you up here without permission again," the woman sneered.

That hurt. Had Garrus told her that? He must have. Clearly, Captain Vakarian was a completely different person from Garrus. Well, she had wanted a way to cut him off. She made her face a blank mask until the elevator doors closed behind her. She held it in place as she searched engineering and found the subdeck, as she pulled out a cot, and as she sank down onto it wishing for a drink. What the hell had she been thinking? She knew better! She propped her elbows on her knees and let her head hang. The collar dug into her neck, mocking her. She wanted to rip the damn thing off. She wanted to go home. Never mind that she didn't really even have a home. Starships were her home. Not this strangely proportioned ship with its lines and angles designed for tall turians but Alliance ships with their familiar shapes and rhythms. Those were her home.

She heard booted feet on the stairs and the stride told her it was a human. She didn't need to glance up to see that it was Alenko. He sat down on the cot beside her and put a tentative hand on her back. She hadn't been touched by another human in years and it felt strange but not unpleasant. When she didn't protest, he left it there and moved it in small circles between her shoulder blades.

"You seem tense, Commander, er, Shepard," he said.

"It's mostly scar tissue," she said about the knotted muscles she assumed he was referring to.

"Not just that. You look tense. Want to talk about it?"

"How do you really feel about the doc?" she asked.

"I, uh, I don't know how to answer that. She's been good to me. I don't hate her, oddly enough. She's a good person, once you get to know her. Is this about Vakarian? Did he hurt you?"

She shrugged and sighed. "I don't know, Kaidan. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. It's been five years. You'd think I'd just accept that it is what it is and find a way to settle in but every time I do that I seem to forget my place. I start to let myself actually like him and then something happens to remind me of what I am. I think, in a way, it's harder knowing you're here because..."

"It seems almost normal when you ignore the turians all around us, doesn't it?" he finished for her.

"Yeah. I see you and I'm Commander Shepard again and I start having expectations again and that scares the shit out of me because I'm not Commander Shepard anymore," she admitted, tracing the silver crest embossed on the blue leather around her neck.

"The war will end someday and the Alliance won't forget about us," he said. "They'll get us back."

"They think we're dead, Kaidan," she said. "God, I want to go home."

"At least we have each other now," he said and she leaned her head against his shoulder. His arm came around her and he said, "You know, this is the first time I've hugged a human in five years. Never would have imagined it would be you. You were always so prickly."

"I wasn't prickly," she protested.

"You were prickly," he said warmly. "You were a good leader, though."


	4. Chapter 4

Garrus looked down at his hands and wondered what was wrong with him. His tiny human was getting to him in ways he didn't understand. He'd found Nyxis in the crew quarters and she'd enthusiastically accepted his invitation to come up to his quarters. She was everything a turian woman should be: tough, confident, effortlessly beautiful. They'd had fun together before. So she shouldn't have had to work as hard as she did to get him out of his plates and he shouldn't have had to work to keep himself there. She clearly wanted him and he needed to lose himself in something familiar to get his mind off of the woman who'd come to occupy far too much of his mind. He'd finally found his rhythm but when he'd closed his eyes it hadn't been the beautiful Nyxis below him. It had been a soft human with too-big eyes and fuzzy fringe. And then he'd heard the scrape of a boot against the floor and looked over to see the object of his fantasy staring at him with a look of shock and what couldn't possibly have been betrayal but certainly looked like it on her face. He'd watched her far more than he cared to admit and had gotten good at reading her reactions. He hadn't had time to properly study the emotions that had flickered subtly across her face before she'd turned on her heel and left but they were enough to know that she wasn't happy.

He shouldn't have cared. She was a slave. He was the commander of this ship. It was his cabin. He could fuck whoever he wanted, especially considering that the only time she'd ever willingly accepted his touch without tensing up was at night when he curled around her soft body. He'd come to enjoy having her in his bed and, while she didn't initiate the contact, she had started curling up against him and laying her head against his chest in her sleep. She didn't pull away when she woke anymore, either. But there'd been nothing sexual about that. She simply sought comfort in a touch that didn't hurt.

That didn't explain why Shepard had looked so hurt to see him with Nyxis. Perhaps she was just afraid that she'd lose her spot in the bed and her only source of comfort on this ship. It seemed to be deeper than that, though. Whatever it was, seeing her had cooled what little ardor he'd managed to work up and Nyxis had not been happy at the interruption. He hadn't realized that Shepard was outside of the doors until he'd heard a raised turian voice and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. He'd thrown the rest of his clothing on and had rushed out of the cabin in time to see the doors close but not before seeing the bright red marks on Shepard's pale but proudly indifferent face. Her scars had stood out like bright silver lines against the handprints and the thought of her being hurt again had made him shake with rage. He'd turned on the smug turian woman and demanded to know why she'd defied his orders and hit her. Nyxis had claimed she hadn't known and was simply putting the uppity slave back in her place. He'd informed her that she'd be off the ship at the next port if she laid a hand on his human again and Nyxis had sneered something about the great and unattainable Vakarian being brought down by a human before getting onto the elevator he'd called back up for her and leaving.

He'd called up Nihlus who stopped in the middle of fucking his human to say that he'd thought Garrus would have been done by then and no, she hadn't come back. The human suggested he check the slaves' quarters in engineering and he'd come down. The first thing he'd heard when the door had opened had been the sound of her laughter floating up and that smoky voice of hers saying something he couldn't quite hear. A male voice responded. Her crewman, Portia's human, was down there and they were alone. He could move quietly for all his size when he wanted and he put that skill to use now as he moved toward the stairs. She was sitting on a cot with the other human beside her and they seemed to be reminiscing. His eyes took in the sight of the two of them sitting so closely. What made his blood boil, though, was the proprietary way the male was touching her as he spoke. She didn't tense or recoil when he did it. The man had no right to be touching her. She was his, damn it. Couldn't the damn male smell his scent on her and know to keep away? Every territorial instinct he had went on full alert and it was all he could do not to tear Alenko's hands away from her. He growled and they jumped. Shepard's eyes widened and the man jumped up to stand at attention as she dropped into the subservient kneeling position someone had drilled into her and which he hadn't seen her use in weeks. She only did it when she thought he or his father were angry.

"Alenko, report to Portia. Now," he growled. The man left the room quickly and Garrus stared down at Shepard, waiting for her to explain herself before he remembered that she probably wouldn't be able to talk at all right now. "Come with me," he said with a heavy sigh. She followed him back up to the cabin and when she looked at him, her face was a blank mask and her eyes were distant and withdrawn the way they got when she expected a blow. He'd thought they were past this by now but then remembered the months where Cassius would go from completely happy and relaxed to terrified and snarling with one wrong movement.  A breakthrough didn't mean that five years of abuse had suddenly disappeared.

"Come back to me, Shepard," he said. "I want to talk to you." When he had her attention, he asked, "Was Alenko your boyfriend or lover or whatever humans call it?"

She looked slight amused by the question and shook her head no. That made him feel slightly better. If he had been, Garrus didn't think he could be so cruel as to keep her away from him but he wouldn't have liked it. He nodded and caught her glance at the spot on the floor where he'd been with Nyxis. That strange combination of emotions flashed over her face again before it went blank once more. He decided to address it directly. "Turians blow off steam by fighting or fucking. I prefer to start a mission relaxed. Do I look relaxed, Shepard?"

"No, sir," she said quietly. "I apologize. Nihlus told me to go find you. I didn't realize..."

"I'm not angry at your interruption. I am, however, confused as to your reaction," he said. _And mine to it._

"I was...surprised, that's all," she said.

There was more to it than that and he knew it. "Don't lie, Shepard. In turian culture, lying is the worst thing one can do. Even murderers will generally confess rather than lie about it."

She was military. She recognized a command tone when she heard one and she responded appropriately. Her shoulders squared and her hands went behind her back. She looked him in the eye and her voice was as strong as he'd ever heard it when she said, "I don't completely understand it myself, sir."

"Explain," he ordered. This was more like it. This was the woman he'd seen on the auction block, the woman he'd caught a glimpse of in the mess hall talking to Alenko. This was Commander Shepard, the woman who had almost single-handedly taken down an entire turian platoon. He'd known the name. He just hadn't realized that the infamous human commander was the same person as the battered woman he'd rescued and had in his home for the past two months. Hell, give her, Alenko, and Nihlus' human weapons and biotic amps and they could probably commandeer this ship.

"It's complicated, sir," she said, but her voice was matter-of-fact as she continued. "Until I met you, the only turian who treated me with a modicum of decency was Saren Arterius and even that only came after he'd put me through hell for more than a year. I've been beaten, raped, tortured, and mutilated over the past five years. You and your family are the first to show me actual kindness but I still don't trust it and I don't trust myself not to get used to it and forget. Even if you don't do any of those things, you could still decide to sell me. I was running a mission with Saren one day and on the auction block the next and I still don't know why. Beyond that, if I allow myself to care then I'm going to want to belong and that can never happen. But it's hard not to care about your family, sir."

That was quite a revelation coming from a woman who had only said her first words to him a few hours before. He'd either guessed or inferred most of it but it was still a shock to hear her speak of it so emotionlessly. "I won't sell you, Shepard," he finally said. "You'll be with me until one of us dies or your people are freed. I promise you that."

She seemed to relax a little at that but was still troubled. "Thank you, sir."

"That still doesn't answer my question," he said. He wanted to ask her to sit on the couch with him, but it seemed that where she was she could simply think of him as her commanding officer and was able to speak freely.

She seemed to think for a moment before saying hesitantly, "It sounds like you're asking me to detail my emotions, sir."

"That's exactly what I want. I want to know what you felt and why." He crossed his arms and leaned his shoulder against the wall.

She hesitated long enough that he didn't think she was going to answer but she was a good soldier and, without the fear being reinforced when she spoke, military training overrode conditioning. "I was...jealous. I know that I have no right to anything resembling possessiveness but I felt it. I was confused by my own reaction. My sexual experiences with turians have been , well, unpleasant is the understatement of the century. Therefore, I can't understand why I felt the way I did. Sex with your species terrifies me but you are...different. But even if I did want that and you wanted it, I still do not want--I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn. What I want or don't want is inconsequential."

She wanted him but was afraid of wanting him. She'd been jealous of Nyxis and Nyxis had been jealous of her, though the turian would never admit to it. It made him feel pretty damn desirable but also made him want to rip the throats out of everyone who'd laid a finger on her before. He'd seen what people could do to each other and had seen the marks on her body. He could far too easily imagine what she'd been through. He'd told the truth when he said he never intended to sell her. He wouldn't risk sending her back to something like that. With him, he knew she was safe. He resolved to take steps to ensure that if anything happened to him, she'd be transferred to Solana. Sol would take care of her. "What don't you want?" he asked. "I want to know what you want and what you don't and have I not always respected your wishes where I could?"

"I don't want to be your dirty mistress," she answered.

He looked at her in confusion. "That didn't exactly translate," he said.

"You're going to get married someday. If we were...involved, I'd be your mistress."

"Yes," he said slowly. "But what does that have to do with hygiene?"

Her mouth quirked. "I didn't mean it literally. I meant like a dirty secret."

He still didn't understand the problem. "You wouldn't be a secret. Turians of my rank are different. Mating and marriage are separate. Marriage is for social status. Mating is instinctive. Some, like my parents, get lucky and find their mate in their spouse but most don't. Almost all couples have a mate or lover outside of the marriage and it's entirely accepted. You should know this having been around Sparatus."

"Humans don't do that," she explained. "Some do have extramarital affairs but it's looked down upon. The mistress, in particular, is reviled."

"It's likely a moot point anyway as I don't intend to settle for anything less than what my parents have no matter what my father has to say about it and women of my rank don't tend to go for the turian bad boy," he said with amusement. "If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a good turian. They also don't like military lifers which is what I am. They want someone who will settle down and raise a family and civilian life bores the hell out of me. I wanted to be a Spectre, but Dad put a stop to that."

"You'd make a good Spectre, sir" she said.

"Dad hates them. You know how he is. Rules and red tape all the way. This unit is as close as I'll get. Anyway, you probably have nothing to worry about as far as being a 'dirty mistress.' I'm more concerned over your fears." Looking at her, he made a decision. He didn't have a human fetish but he did want this human. "I'm not going to touch you unless you want it, but if you do then I'll make you a deal. If you'll try to work with me and get past those fears, I won't fuck anyone else unless I do end up married. I'll spar if I need stress relief. But, Alenko had better keep his hands off of you. If you don't want it or aren't willing or able to try or if you change your mind at any point, then I'll at least lock the door when I'm blowing off steam with someone. Fair enough?"

Could she do that? she wondered. Did she want it? She'd never found turians attractive, probably because of what they'd done to her in the past, but Garrus was different. He didn't have to ask, he didn't have to make a deal with her, he didn't have to give up other women. Hell, he could screw her and then make her watch while he had an orgy right in front of her if he wanted. And yet not only was he willing to do all of those things he didn't have to do, he was willing to go at her pace and help her overcome her fear in order to be with him. He was, quite possibly, the best man she'd ever known. It would be a gamble. She might get her heart broken, but anything could happen. Humans could be freed. They could die in combat. He could learn to love her. The latter was such a ridiculous idea as to be laughable and would only cause problems for both of them, but maybe he could at least like her enough to be close enough. Short of the first two happening, she was with him for life. This might be as close to a chance for happiness as she got and it would hurt regardless if that perfect turian girl showed up, so why the hell not?

She nodded and his mandibles flared. He said softly, "In that case, come here. I won't push, but you at least need to be able to stand being near me when you're awake. This won't be much fun if you sleep through it."

"I don't think that would be possible," she blurted out and he laughed.

"Spirits, I hope not."

She went to him and he surprised her by leading her to the couch rather than the bed. Her heart was pounding with both fear and anticipation. He put his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to murmured in her ear, "Here, nothing we haven't done already. Just relax."

She allowed herself to lean into him. She was a bit stiff at first since she wasn't used to being allowed to use furniture--generally she sat at his feet as she'd been trained to do and he hadn't questioned it--any more than she was used to cuddling anymore but she was used to being in his arms. They were just in a different position than normal. She let herself relax into his hard warmth and when he turned on the vid screen, she looked at him curiously. "This is the most normal thing I've done in years," she admitted. "If anything about a human cuddling on a couch with a turian watching a movie can be considered normal."

"Shepard, I don't think either one of us could ever be accused of being normal," he laughed.

"That's...probably true, sir," she said and brought her legs up to tuck them in beside her.

His thumb grazed her shoulder and he looked down at her and said, "Will you let me do something?"

He looked so serious that she couldn't help but be nervous. Still, he was asking rather than taking, so she said, "What's that?"

"Can I touch your--what do you call it--hair?"

That was the last thing she'd expected him to ask and it surprised her enough that she laughed. "That's it? You just want to touch my hair? From your expression, I'd expected you to say my breasts or something."

He looked confused. "Why would I want to do that? Are those sexual for humans or something?"

"They aren't with turians?" she asked. Turian females did have breasts but, now that she thought about it, turian males didn't seem to pay much attention to them except when they figured out they could be used to hurt her.

"No," he explained. "They're just for feeding babies. They don't really have a lot of sensation. Turian babies' teeth aren't as sharp as an adult's but they are pretty sharp when they start to come in so the skin is thick enough to be almost plated."

"Oh. Well, they're both for humans and they are sensitive. Well...mine aren't as much anymore because of nerve damage but generally they are."

"So they're like the asari," he said.

"I guess. I've never been with one," she said.

He made a humming sound and brought his hand up to rub against her hair. It was still very short, a little longer than a military cut for a male, but she knew it was soft and he seemed fascinated with it. She'd always liked having her hair touched and heard herself making her own humming sound. He took that as encouragement and she glanced up to see him looking at it as he brushed his hand through it, watching the way it moved and the play of light through the short, dark strands. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

She had to remind herself that he wasn't asking because he wanted to hurt her. "Not unless you pull pretty hard," she said, "and then it's the scalp that hurts. The hair doesn't have nerves. I can feel it moving on my head but I can't feel the hair itself."

"Oh," he said. "I assumed someone had cut yours as a pretty brutal punishment."

"No," she said. "It was more for humiliation than anything. Most people--turians especially--seem to think that human women look pretty strange, if not downright ugly, bald."

He leaned down and she thought he was smelling it. She was glad she washed it every day. He nuzzled his face against it and said quietly, "I'm sorry Nihlus said that. I didn't think you were ugly. Strange, sure, but not ugly."

She shrugged as she tried to get used to having a big turian looming over her and rubbing against her and said, "It didn't bother me. I used to be pretty but I was never vain. It just got in the way of doing my job."

"Do the scars bother you?" he asked. "Portia could get rid of them for you."

"Portia's the doctor, right?" she asked, feeling her stomach clench.

"Right," he said, turning to run his other hand through her hair. He really was fascinated with it. It would be endearing if his suggestion hadn't made her blood run cold.

"I'd rather not if that's all right. Doctors are...Flavius was a doctor. I'd just as soon avoid them. If, uh, if I get hurt and have to be sedated anyway, then sure, but it's not important enough to make a trip just for that."

"I wouldn't let Portia hurt you," he promised, "even if she were the type to do so. She's a good woman. You'll like her. She reminds me a little bit of Sol and Mom." He lightly stroked a spot at the nape of her neck and her eyes drifted closed. She would gladly let him do that all night. He chuckled. "Hmm. Hair is like the top of the fringe," he mused.

"How so?" she asked.

"Comforting," he said. He very slowly reached out and took her hand. She opened her eyes as he guided it to the top of his head and ran it across the top of his fringe. She'd never touched a turian's fringe before. It wasn't what she'd expected. The skin on top was as thick and rough as it looked but rather than the bone she'd expected it felt like hard cartilage underneath. There was a bit of give to it, though not much. The underside looked like it had the same softer skin as his neck.  He rumbled in his chest like a big cat purring. "Pet one of us like that and you'll have a very relaxed turian on your hands," he said. "But don't ever touch it on anyone else without permission. You can touch mine whenever you want if we're alone but it isn't something that's done in public. Only family and lovers touch the fringe."

"Understood, sir," she said, enjoying the way he purred and rubbed against her hand. Humans called turians birds but she thought they were more like cats, at least from the neck up.

Someone came over the comm and she found herself surprisingly reluctant to get up. He said, "On the ship, you eat with me. In fact, when Dad isn't home or if we aren't all eating together, I want you to eat with me there, too. And when we're alone or with Sol, Mom, or Nihlus, it's just Garrus. None of this 'sir' stuff when we're just relaxing."

"Yes, sir--Garrus. That will take some getting used to," she admitted. "It's not just being a slave. It's military, too. You outrank me."

He nuzzled her hair one final time and said, "Shepard, I don't think of you as a slave. You're a person. So let's just say you're mine and leave it at that."

"That could be dangerous," she said wryly. "I think I'm beginning to like being yours."

"Good," he said in a rumbling voice. "Turians are very territorial."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

He fought--and led--like she did. He used a larger ground team much of the time but his rhythm was easy to settle in to. He took point, set up his perch, and then provided cover while the rest moved in. She and Nihlus brought up the rear and she provided cover while the team moved to their next location. It was exactly the way she would have done it herself had their roles been reversed. Most of the others on his team had been nervous or downright uncomfortable having her guard their flank but they trusted his judgment and didn't complain. 

Gradually, they came to accept her presence and trust her at their rear without Nihlus to watch her. After she took down a batarian who'd gotten behind Titus, they even began to include her. Most of the other crew who weren't on the ground team still largely ignored her and Nyxis, the female she'd seen Garrus with, was altogether surly, but she was brought into conversation at mealtimes and Alenko and Jack occasionally were as well. She told herself it was a mistake to get comfortable with them. It was a mistake to think of herself as one of the crew. But, as she got to know them, it became more difficult to think of them as her enemies. Facing death alongside someone made it difficult to keep one's distance. Demetrius' wife had just given birth to a little girl and Shepard was one of the few who didn't tire of listening to the proud papa brag on his little one. Titus loved theater, so she introduced him to Shakespeare. Albion liked to garden and she used her knowledge from Lavinia to connect with him. Serafina had been introduced to chess by her sister's slave and sought Shepard out to play. Garrus began to joke that he needed to make a schedule so that he could spend time with her.

He still wasn't pushing. He seemed perfectly content to proceed at her pace and she was growing comfortable with having his arm around her when they sat together or his hand on her back when they walked together or being in his arms when they slept. She hadn't realized that turians were so physically affectionate. She mentioned it to him once and he told her that he was a bit of an anomaly. She thought that applied in more ways than one.

He gave the signal for her to move up to his position and she ran forward and knelt beside him. They had been called to Macedyn, a small turian colony, to deal with a band of raiders from the Terminus Systems that were harassing the colonists and stealing their eezo. The raiders, a mix of batarian, vorcha, and krogan, had set up an outpost from which they were attempting to rule their stolen kingdom. The team was about to raid their base. She listened as Garrus gave instruction to the team on proceeding and she tried to listen carefully but was distracted when she felt his leg press against hers. "Mines aren't fun to fight through," he said to her.

"What is fun to fight through, sir?" she asked.

"Gardens, electronic shops, antique stores but only if they're classy," he answered absently as he drew his talons along the flexible armored plating at her lower back before slipping away to take point. Fortunately, she knew what her role was and how to do it. He was flirting with her in the field now. She really needed to be careful or she was going to start looking at him as her boyfriend instead of her owner and that would be the worst thing she could do.

He'd activated the tactical properties of her omni-tool for the mission, so she cloaked and followed them into the derelict mine the raiders were using as a headquarters. The plan was brilliant in its simplicity. She and Serafina snuck onto the exposed catwalks above the area the raiders were using for storage and silently killed the guards while the rest of the team waited. When the guards were clear, the team moved in. Nihlus sent an incendiary round into a crate of supplies which drew the rest of the raiders into the room to deal with the flames that threatened their stock and the team opened fire from above. Neat and surgical.

They moved through the mine shafts dealing with the stragglers. A krogan charged Nihlus as they came into another large room that looked like filthy living quarters and she and Garrus put a round through its skull-plate. Serafina deployed her drone to take care of a vorcha and Demetrius and Titus mowed down another krogan. She took down another vorcha and heard Garrus through the comm. "Come on, Shepard, keep up!"

"With respect, sir, I believe I'm in the lead," she countered as she fired a round through two batarians moving back-to-back.

She saw a krogan fall and land on a vorcha and he said, "You were saying?"

"Very creative, sir," she said as she fired an incendiary ball at a krogan who'd figured out her location and started shooting at her. She rolled out of the way and used his distraction to cloak and move to a new spot.

"I think the word that you were looking for was ingenious, Shepard," he said, sending a concussive shot into the burning krogan.

"Yes, sir," she said with a laugh.

"Hear that, guys? I'm ingenious. Oh, and Shepard, that's two. You're falling behind."

Nihlus said, "I don't think it counts coming from Shepard. She has to agree with you."

Shepard protested, "That was my kill, sir!"

Garrus answered, "You shouldn't have given away your position, then. And what was that about her having to agree with me, Nihlus?"

Nihlus said, "I think you just let her have that one to prove your point, Vakarian."

Garrus snorted and winked at Shepard before taking a shot at a vorcha. Titus gave the all clear and Garrus gave word to the colonists that they could come reclaim their supplies. He turned to Shepard and said happily, "I win."

She asked, "Did you count the guards, sir?"

His face fell. "Shit. How many?"

Serafina said, "She took five."

He shook his head and then brightened. "I still win."

"How so?" Shepard asked. She knew she had him by one with the guards. He'd probably say they didn't count.

"The game's rigged, Shepard," he said with a grin. "Even when you win, I win, too."

The game, as he called it, was simple. The one with the most kills at the end of a mission won. The loser had to submit to some kind of physical contact from the winner. The loser could determine the location of the contact but not the type or the duration, though they could make requests. He won in that he either got to touch or be touched by her. She knew it was his way of getting her used to contact and he knew she wouldn't back down because it was a challenge and honor was at stake. They were fairly evenly matched, so both had won with almost equal frequency.

That evening, in his cabin, he stripped off his shirt and laid back on the bed with a wicked grin. "All right, Shepard. Have your way with me. Torso this time."

She was surprised. He generally chose the head or the neck. He'd chosen his shoulders once before after a particularly long mission lacking in places to prop his rifle and she'd rubbed the knots out of his muscles for him. Giving a turian a massage wasn't easy but it was doable. She'd never touched his bare chest before. This would be different. She climbed into the bed beside him and took a moment to look at him. He was beautiful in a predatory alien kind of way. His silvery plates were works of art, curving and dipping and flaring like living armor. She reached out and felt the skin over his flat ribs. It was smoother than it looked and reminded her of leather. She traced a finger over his prominent collarbone and down the keel that wasn't as pronounced as his armor made it appear. His chest was muscular beneath the plates and, therefore, his breastbone didn't appear as sharp as the less-active Sparatus' or Flavius' had been. He hissed in a breath when she reached his abdomen. His waist wasn't plated but was covered in the same thicker skin that stretched over the bones above. She felt his abdominal muscles tighten.

"I think someone as smart as you could find a better way to do that," he said as she leaned across him to explore the other side. There was a challenge in his eyes.

She rose to meet it as he'd known she would and swung a leg over to straddle him. Turian males kept their sexual bits inside when not in use so she settled onto him, comforted by that knowledge and the barrier of clothing they wore. The position wasn't as inherently sexual as it was with humans. The thing that amazed her was that it put her in a distinctly dominant position over him and it was his idea to do so. As he'd expected, she gained confidence from it and grew more bold with her exploration. She liked his chest. It was hard and strong and when she laid her head down on it, she could hear his heartbeat. The rhythm of his pulse was different from a human's with an extra beat and with a slower pace due to their larger size. It had taken her a while to get used to it but now she found it comforting. The sound was something she identified with him. He didn't seem to mind her laying on him and she ran her hand over him as she did. He didn't generally touch her while she did this but now she felt his mandibles brush against her still short but no longer fuzzy hair. She turned her head and brushed her lips against his collarbone. He grew still but didn't protest, so she did it again.

She'd never kissed him before, had always kept her touches platonic, but she knew the final goal of this and was emboldened by the illusion of control he gave her. So she ran her lips across his skin and each kiss was a symbol of her affection and gratefulness to him. He wasn't just good for an owner or for a turian. He was just downright good and she was lucky to have him. She stopped thinking of the past or worrying about the future. The present was good and she resolved to enjoy it and to enjoy him. Giving in to temptation, she allowed her tongue to dart out and taste him. He was tangy and earthy at the same time and surprisingly sweet between his plates. He gasped and tensed beneath her but didn't tell her to stop. For this, he was hers to do with as she would. She didn't want to entice him to the point of losing control but she did find herself enjoying his reactions, especially the sounds he made deep in his chest. She stroked a hand up his abdomen, looking for and getting another of those hissing breaths. When she brought her hand downward, he groaned and she felt his plates shift as his head fell back and his hands came up to grip her hips.

Images and memories came unbidden to her mind and she froze as she fought them back down. This was Garrus. He wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't take what she wasn't ready to give. He'd had every opportunity to do so and hadn't. She was safe with him. As if to prove it to her, he released her and ran a hand gently over her hair as he spoke to her. "Easy, Shepard. You're safe. Come back to me, honey."

She leaned her forehead against his chest. "I'm sorry," she said shakily. "I'm okay. It just took me by surprise, that's all. Garrus, what happens if I can't do this?"

"Hey," he said, bringing his arms up to wrap loosely around her small frame. "Shepard, you are one of the most capable and brave women I've ever met. I didn't think can't was even in your vocabulary."

She shook her head. "I'm not brave," she said. "I'm afraid all the time."

"That doesn't stop you," he said. "No one was ever brave without also being a little bit scared. It may take you some time, but you always overcome it. Just look how far you've come already. You don't just talk now. You joke and challenge and even outright disagree with me. You've made friends in my team. I saw you high five Serafina when we finished clearing the cargo area earlier. You walk around this ship like you're turian military. You spar with Nihlus and me. Hell, I think if Nyxis tried to hit you again now, we'd have a fight on our hands.You're one of the best soldiers I've ever fought beside.  
"The only things you don't do are let the other men touch you outside of sparring, which I'm totally okay with, and sex, which we're working on. I knew it would take time and I'm okay with that, too. Though, um, right now you'll need to excuse me so I can, uh, go take care of something," he finished, shifting her to the side so he could go into the shower as he'd done a few times before after the conclusion to their little game.

"You don't have to go," she said hesitantly.

He stroked her hair and said, "I don't want you to leave."

"Then I won't," she said, pulling her lip between her teeth the way she did when she was nervous about something but determined to do it anyway. She really was okay and she needed to figure out if this whole exercise was a waste of time.

"You, uh, want to watch?" he asked, sounding uncertain.

She answered, "If you want me to."

He rumbled in his chest. "That's, hmm, that is kinda hot."

She curled into his side with one of his arms still around her and forced herself to relax. She'd never been the voyeuristic type but she'd gotten him wound up and he'd still stopped. It seemed wrong somehow to make him go off alone to finish what she'd somewhat inadvertently started. She hadn't realized he'd react so strongly to his waist being touched but she'd realized he would react and had done it anyway. He lowered his pants and she looked down at him. The skin there was thinner and more of a silvery blue than on the rest of him. Turians were far more unique than humans. The basic shape was the same. Beyond that, though, the texture varied more between individuals. Some were smooth, some had horizontal ridges, some had vertical ones. His had ridges that ran the length of him with smooth peaks and valleys that weren't quite barbs. Five years ago, she'd have imagined it would feel fantastic. She tried to keep that in mind as she looked at him and forget the ones who'd come before him. It was surprisingly erotic watching him. She'd expected to view it studiously in an attempt to learn what he liked but as she watched his hand stroke his length, she felt a long-forgotten warmth building inside of her. His arm tightened around her and she let him pull her closer as his breathing grew heavier. She both longed and feared to reach out and join her hand with his. She decided she wasn't ready for that yet but she did want to touch him.

Garrus had never had anyone watch him before and he was uncertain at first, especially given her fears. He didn't want to scare her but he found the idea of her watching him pleasure himself strangely enticing. The scent of her gradually changed and he grew harder when he realized that it was desire. Then he felt her cool, soft fingers against the underside of his fringe and groaned as he thrust more fully into his hand, imagining that it was her hand and then Shepard herself. Taking things this slowly was killing him. He couldn't take her unless she wanted it but the confirmation that her body wanted him even if her mind wasn't yet ready both made him hopeful and impatient. He wanted her now, wanted to roll over and bury himself in her, to feel her around him and hear her call out his name in that smoky sex voice. He wanted to make her his fully and completely.

Then her hand was on him and he thought he was imagining it until he looked at her and saw the carefully focused look on her face. She was holding herself in tight control and her face was pale but there was a tense hunger in her eyes he hadn't expected. He recognized that he was on a precipice with her. If he made a wrong move, she would bolt and he would have to start again further from where they'd begun. So he watched her as she she watched them and heat built between them until it crackled like electricity. She explored him like she had his chest, softly and hesitantly at first but with more confidence as she'd recognized the control he was giving her. He did that now and, as her small hand wrapped around him, he moved his to grip the sheets and tried not to move in her grip. She'd paid attention and his breathing grew rapid and ragged. Spirits, if her hand felt this good, then what would the rest of her feel like?

Shepard heard his breathing change, heard the groans he gave as his fist clenched in the sheets and his talons sheathed and exposed themselves before sheathing again like a cat kneading its paws. She could feel them doing the same against her shoulder and knew she would have small scratches but it felt involuntary so she didn't cringe away. He seemed to be trying to hold himself still but couldn't quite manage it and she could see the muscles in his abdomen ripple as he fought the urge to thrust. He threw his head back and she could feel his arm tremble around her. "Shepard," he groaned, dragging out the last syllable.

God, he was beautiful. She forgot everything beyond this room, this moment. There was only the two of them, the sound of his breathing, her name seemingly dragged from him over and over as he tensed. "Fuck, Shepard. Oh, spirits. Shepard!" His hips bucked and he began to thrust as she stroked him faster now, running her thumb across the head of him. The talons on his free hand extended and dug into the bed, ripping the sheets, as he bowed up and swelled slightly before beginning to pulse in her hand. She slowed her strokes and let him make the final thrusts, not knowing whether to stop or continue. She'd known human males who had a strong preference but didn't know what he liked. Finally, he put his hand over hers to stop her and said, "If you keep that up, there's going to be a round two and it don't know if I can keep my hands off of you if you do."

The thought wasn't as frightening to her as it had been just a short time ago but she decided to quit while she was ahead and so she withdrew her hand. He leaned his head over and nuzzled her hair. "Thank you, Shepard," he breathed. In response, she kissed his collarbone and snuggled into him. His arm dropped heavily around her and he mumbled at the ship's VI to turn the lights off. Then, just like a man, she thought in amusement, he fell asleep.

She was proud of herself. She'd just jacked off a turian and it was okay because he was her turian. If she could do that for him until she worked through her issues, then maybe she could keep him for herself even if only temporarily. And, she admitted, she wanted him at least a little. She'd liked the way he'd moved and called her name. She was reassured by the fact that, even when he'd barely been able to retain control, he'd still restrained himself and hadn't tried to touch her aside from that arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She glanced at the pink lines on her shoulder. He'd ripped the sheets and punctured the bed but he hadn't even broken her skin. She'd had worse scratches from playing fetch with Cassius. Maybe, just maybe, she could do this after all.

___

Garrus was a cheater but two could play at his game. They were on another mission, this one on Parthia. A distress call had gone out from the military outpost there and it was suspected that a remnant of turian separatists left over from the Unification War had hit it. They'd landed back from the location of the distress beacon in order to do recon and gather intel before approaching a site which scans showed to be occupied by a contingent of unknown forces. There were enough there to give the team trouble should they turn out to be enemies rather than allies.

The separatist theory had been quickly proven when they'd come upon a small band of barefaced turians. Serafina made a joke to her about not getting confused as to which turians were friends and which weren't. To their credit, the rest of the team only exhibited a flash of nervousness before joining in with her laughter. The team had the drop on the separatists this time so, instead of their typical leapfrog pattern, she and Garrus set up behind the lone outcropping on the rise above big enough to shield them while the others moved in close. The band was small and unprepared for a disciplined assault. They were easy pickings. Or they would have been if Garrus hadn't been distracting her.

She hadn't really noticed at first until she'd missed a shot and he'd taken it almost instantly. Then she'd realized that his leg pressed against hers and the low rumbles he was making were deliberate. When he reached over on the pretense of wiping a bead of perspiration from her brow and his finger had traced her ear, making her jolt just enough to miss her shot, she'd been certain, especially once his laughter confirmed it. He, meanwhile seemed unaffected. So, she reached over and said, "You've got something on you right...there." He shuddered as her fingers casually brushed his fringe.

"Shepard," he growled warningly after missing one.

"Yes, sir?" she asked as she took a shot and made it.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Fighting back," she answered innocently, shooting a barefaced turian whose bullets had just pinged off of their cover.

"I'm going to win," he warned, matter-of-factly. "You've got some, ah, payback coming."

"Payback?" she asked, alarm tingeing her voice. What did he intend to do to her and why? She didn't think she'd done anything wrong.

"Mmhmm," he said, sounding entirely too satisfied.

"Can you guys flirt on your own time?" Nihlus asked. "My count's higher than both of you. What do I win?"

"Get your own game," Garrus snarled. Shepard laughed and he exclaimed, "Scoped and dropped! That is how long range is done, Shepard! Nobody can make a shot like that!" She saw a sniper tumble off the cliff across the valley from them.

"Impressive," she said, taking down the sniper's buddy who'd been supposed to watch his back. Garrus turned and gaped at her. She grinned. "Best sniper in the Alliance. And I don't have your eyesight or a fancy targeting visor to help me."

He muted his comm and growled, "So help me, Shepard, if it weren't for your, uh, past, I'd put off the mission and fuck you right now. That was damn sexy."

She didn't know what to say to that so she asked, "Does that count for two, then?"

"Hell no," he said. "I'm definitely winning now." He stood and opened his comm. "That's the last of them. Move out."

They made it to the compound without further incident and Titus said, "That wasn't enough to warrant a distress beacon."

"No," Garrus agreed. "It wasn't."

They moved in closer to the compound. She offered to cloak and go closer in but Garrus shook his head. "They'll smell you." She nodded and he put his eye to the scope of his rifle, looking down at the compound. She did the same. There were turians patrolling but they wore Hierarchy military uniforms. She felt Garrus relax. "It's our people. Let's go see what's going on."

She stayed close to Garrus as they went down the slope. The soldiers greeted them with guns drawn but relaxed once they realized it was reinforcements coming in. One of the guards led them into one of the large, pod-like buildings used for temporary structures. They were directed to a room where a group of turians stood around a holo map set up on a table. There were enough soldiers here to form at least a platoon and they all seemed far too calm to be under attack and requesting aid. She didn't understand why they'd been brought here.

Garrus saluted the man at the head of the table and said, "Captain Vakarian, _TSV Euryale_. We were told to investigate a distress signal from this location."

The man nodded and said, "Yes. We had some issues with separatists and when they disabled our comm tower, the signal went out automatically. We drove them back and are currently working on restoring communications and disabling the signal. Now that you're here, though, there is a matter with which we could use your assistance."


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard scanned the room while the officer explained what he needed from Garrus. There was something about the whole situation that made Shepard's skin crawl. She couldn't quite identify what it was. One man who looked a bit greener than the rest caught her eye. He pulled at the neck of his armor as if stretching it and cocked his head. The white colony tattoo looked smudged at the back edge of his mandible. That was odd but she'd seen botched tattoo jobs before especially if one had been injured in that area. She couldn't see a scar but that didn't mean the ink wasn't covering it. He gave her a look that she couldn't read.

None of the rest paid attention to her as she looked around. Then the officer said, "The separatists are anti-slavery. Perhaps you should leave your human with us so no one gets any ideas about rescuing her."

She tensed. She did not want to stay here with these people. But if she protested, then she ran the risk of looking like she wanted the chance to escape. Hell, she should want the chance to escape but the only way that would happen would be if the team was dead and she didn't want to do that. Regardless of her role, these people were friends. Garrus saved her from having to say anything by saying firmly, "She stays with me."

Her unease grew as she continued looking around the room. She heard the door slide open behind them and the officer nodded at the person who entered and said shortly, "Victerius."

She still didn't know what the officer's name was. He hadn't introduced himself. She barely noticed the newcomer as she tried to put the pieces together. She probably wouldn't have thought much of their lack of interest in her as most people didn't pay much attention to human slaves but she was an armed human in a turian unit. It seemed like they should at least be curious. _Perhaps you should leave your human with us so no one gets any ideas about rescuing her._ Something about that statement made alarms sound and it wasn't just that he was trying to get Garrus to leave her behind with them.

She was halted in her musings by the newcomer walking around to lean against the wall. She knew him and his name was not Victerius. It was Arterius. It wouldn't necessarily be odd to see a Spectre attached to a military unit but it was for this one. Saren didn't work with the military. He also didn't have tattoos but his face was painted. He was undercover. She kept her face neutral and didn't show any signs of recognition. He glanced at her long enough to tell her that he recognized her but then looked away disinterestedly. She pretended to scan the room but watched him out of the corner of her eye. He crossed his arms over his chest. That was not a normal stance for him.

She saw his hand move slightly and it took a couple of passes before she got the message because she wasn't able to look at him directly and it had been awhile since she'd read his personal hand signals but when she got it she gave a minute nod of acknowledgement as her blood began to sing with adrenaline. _Get out. Trap._ A smudged tattoo as if it were painted on like she knew Saren's to be, armor that didn't quite fit, and that word: rescue. That's what had caught her attention. A typical turian would have said "so no one gets any ideas about helping her escape," not "about rescuing her." She didn't care if they wanted to rescue her or not. Turian or not, her team were good people and she wouldn't make them pay for her freedom.

She crossed her hands behind her back in order to subtly move them closer to her pistol as Saren rubbed his neck before he straightened and, looking entirely bored with the procedure, moved to leave. He bumped into her as he was going and snarled, "Watch it, human."

She ducked her head and mumbled an apology as her hand closed into a fist. The amp clicked and jolted a little when she slid it in under the pretense of scratching her head. She hadn't worn one in years and the sensation was strange, especially since this one was clearly one of Saren's and more powerful than what she'd been used to as he was one of the strongest natural biotics she'd seen outside of an asari matriarch. She was strong but he was stronger by far. She didn't know if he would help them beyond that but it was enough. They had an edge. Now she just needed to find a way to alert Garrus.

She found her opportunity when he pulled her aside to snarl at her about Saren bumping into her. "Who was that? I could smell his desire for you from across the room. He knew you."

Shit. If Garrus had figured it out, then had the impostors? And what did he mean, desire? Saren had never made a move on her. She'd thought he'd grown to like her but nothing more. That was unimportant at the moment. "I'll explain later, sir," she said in an undertone. "I promise. But for now I need you to trust me. These people aren't what they seem and we're badly outnumbered." She punctuated the statement by placing her hand on his mandible. She'd never initiated contact with him before.

He searched her eyes and then nodded. She breathed a sigh of relief. He turned and said, "We can help you but the supplies and extra men we need are on the ship."

"I'll send some of my men to get what you need," the fake officer said.

"That won't be necessary," Garrus replied.

"Time is of the essence," he said irritably.

"And there's nothing we can do while we wait for your men to fumble around my ship," Garrus countered. "It will be faster if we get what we need and rendezvous at the site."

The fake officer nodded. "All right. I'll take part of your team and direct them there. They can relay directions if necessary while you collect what you need."

They had to get out of the compound and couldn't afford to be divided. There weren't enough of them already. But Garrus nodded and directed Shepard and Nihlus to follow him. Once outside, he said quietly, "How many men did you have with you when you won that Star of Terra?"

"Two," she answered.

"Think you can pull that off again?" he asked. When she nodded, he paused and asked, "Why did you warn me? You just had to keep your mouth shut and they probably would have helped you get away."

She said, "If you think I'd buy my freedom with your life or with the crew's then you don't know me well enough, Garrus."

Nihlus looked startled at her use of Garrus' first name but said, "Thank you, Shepard. We've all been a team for a very long time."

She nodded and said, "So what's the plan, sir?"

He said, "You're the only one who's taken on this many of us in a military setting with only three people and survived. I'm used to leading a larger team. This is your show now, Shepard. I'm right behind you."

"Me?" She asked. "You want me to lead the two of you?" He nodded and she said, "All right."

Nihlus said, "Why didn't they just spring the trap right there?"

Shepard pulled up a map of the area on her omni-tool. "I think their ultimate goal is the ship. They could do a lot of damage with a ship that has the _Euryale_ 's stealth capabilities. Their comms really are down as far as I can tell, but short-range communication is still active and we're within range of the ship there. If they tried anything there, we could get a message off to the crew and they'd just end up with a handful of dead soldiers and the Hierarchy coming down on their asses. But this 'secondary location' is outside of the range of the ship. I think they're trying to draw us away to get the strongest fighters out of the way. All that's left are support crew. They'll attack the ship with part of their force and us with the remainder."

"So what do we do?" Garrus asked.

She outlined her plan. They didn't like it. She said, "Look, even if I can't free the others, it at least gets someone close to protect them. You won't be far behind."

Nihlus said, "If this is some sort of convoluted escape plan..."

She ignored him and turned to Garrus. "Please trust me."

"Who was he?" he asked.

"Saren Arterius," she answered immediately. "He has special hand signals that he uses with his crew. He warned me. He also gave me his biotic amp. I'll give it to you when we're finished."

"Isn't that a pretty personal thing?" Nihlus asked. "Like sharing underarmor?"

"We weren't lovers if that's what you're asking," she said. "We understood each other. He hated humans. I hated turians. We both loved killing. So we killed things that weren't each other together. That was it. I think he's going to help us but you can never tell with Saren."

Garrus said, "All right."

She accompanied them partway back to the ship and then allowed herself to fall behind and activated her tactical cloak before turning to run. She left it up until she reached the forest and then used natural cover to slip unseen through the woods. She didn't want to run into the separatists before they reached the rendezvous point. Meeting up with another group could throw the whole thing off.

The impostors had reached the so-called secondary site before she did. She saw the trio from her team kneeling on the ground with their hands behind their heads. Bait for the trap. Saren was in the group and he held a weapon on them. She didn't know if that was good or bad. He wouldn't kill them without a good reason but he used to say he could always find a reason to kill someone. If leaving them alive jeopardized whatever his mission was, he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger.

Serafina looked up in surprise as Shepard burst out of the forest as if being chased, wild-eyed and breathing heavily. Her first thought was that it was a rescue but then she saw that her ever-present collar was missing. She ran for the separatist officer that had captured them and dove to her knees in front of him. Her voice was shaky and frantic as she clung to his leg and begged, "I know what you are. Help me, please! You have to help me! I want to go home! I killed the other two. You don't have to worry about them. I can help you get their ship, too. There are two more humans on there, soldiers, and we can help you take it. Please help me!"

Serafina's jaw dropped as betrayal and pain flashed through her. Titus looked stunned beside her. Demetrius looked enraged. The turian guarding them put his gun to Demetrius' head as her teammate shouted, "You murderous bitch! I'll kill you for this!" Serafina could only watch in shocked silence. Nihlus was dead. Garrus was dead. Sure, Shepard was a human and his slave, but Serafina had thought that she'd genuinely cared for him. She'd been wary of the human at first but Shepard had proven her loyalty to them time and again. She'd watched their backs and had covered them in firefights. She'd spent hours talking to them and learning about their families and their lives. Serafina had come to think of her as a friend. And she'd turned on them at her first opportunity.

She listened as the officer questioned Shepard and she gave them information about the ship and crew and continued to beg for his help. The officer looked at the others and they nodded. He turned back to Shepard and said, "It seems you've rendered our plan moot. We'll clean up these loose ends and then join the rest of our men to take the ship. You help us and we will get you home, human."

"What do you want me to do?" Shepard asked meekly.

"Kill them," the officer said, gesturing to Serafina and her team.

Shepard grinned widely, showing her teeth, and said with relish, "Gladly."

Demetrius roared. Titus still looked shocked and hadn't moved. Serafina looked up at her as she strode over to them and drew her pistol. "Did you really hate us that much, Shepard?" she asked, hating the hurt undertone her subvocals gave away.

Shepard spun toward her and lashed out with her foot. Serafina grunted and fell to her side with the impact. Even with the plates, that hurt. The pale turian hit Demetrius in the head with his gun as her teammate tried to lunge for Shepard. The human shouted, "Your people enslaved me, Sera! They beat me and raped me and mutilated me! I was one of the best fucking soldiers in the Alliance. I had friends, a family, and they all think I'm dead! And for what?" she demanded. "Yeah, my people tried to fuck with one of your precious relays. We didn't fucking know! You birds like to say you were basically taking a loaded gun away from a child but you don't turn the fucking gun on the child and shoot it afterward! What did your people expect? That we'd just lie down and roll over when a bunch of big, spiky monsters started trying to slaughter us? Fuck your friendship! You never had a problem with Nyxis beating the shit out of me or Vakarian carrying me up to his cabin every damn night! You're just as bad as the rest!"

"What was I supposed to do, Shepard?" Serafina demanded. "Steal you away from my commanding officer and smuggle you back to Shanxi?"

"You chose to fight for a government that enslaved my people!" Shepard shouted back. "At least the separatists are trying to help us!"

Titus seemed to recover then. "I thought you liked Garrus, Shepard. We all did. I know the situation wasn't ideal but we thought you were at least content. We didn't treat you like a slave."

Shepard laughed bitterly. "You thought I liked him? He owned me, Titus! He could kill me and no one would have batted an eye. What was I supposed to do? Spit in his face and claw his eyes out? Where the fuck do you think I got these scars? I learned my lesson. Better to cower and pretend than fight back when no one will help you."

Garrus wouldn't have done that to her and Shepard damn well knew it, Serafina thought. And what the hell had she meant about Nyxis beating her? She'd heard that Nyxis had hit her once but Garrus had put the turian on shit details for a month for that. Had Shepard finally snapped? There was truth in some of what she said but not in all of it. Was she lying for the separatists' benefit? Why, when she knew that any of them could counter it? "How'd you do it?" Serafina asked. "How did you kill them?"

"Anaphylactic shock," Shepard said gleefully. "Fitting, isn't it? The blood of my people, blood they've both shed, killed them in the end."

She was lying. Neither Garrus nor Nihlus were allergic to levos. Nihlus had almost exclusively dated asari before getting his own human and Garrus had been tested just a few weeks ago. She'd heard Portia talking about it. Shepard was lying. Did that mean Garrus and Nihlus weren't dead or that she just didn't want to say how she'd done it? "You bitch," Serafina snarled and Shepard laughed again.

"As much as I'm sure you're enjoying this, human," the guard snapped, "we have things to do. Get on with it."

Shepard nodded and then chaos exploded around them. Shepard shimmered blue and surrounded Serafina, Titus, and Demetrius in a purple barrier as she spun and raised her pistol. The guard beside her did the same. Half a dozen of the separatists fell to the ground almost simultaneously. Gunfire rang out as the platoon shouted in confusion before one took command and shouted, "She's with them! Kill them!"

Shepard held the barrier as gunfire rained down on them. She turned and shot him before grabbing Sera by the arm and dragging her to her feet. "Garrus and Nihlus are in the woods with the other two humans. They have weapons for you. Go!"

The trio looked at each other in shock. Titus grinned and said, "You're all right, Shepard," as she knelt and took down a separatist aiming for Demetrius.

Serafina saw Nihlus run forward with his human by his side. The woman had a pair of pistols and was firing madly, laughing wildly as she did. "Now all I need is an amp and I'd tear these assholes apart!" the human exclaimed. Nihlus grinned and tossed her a chip. She caught it and slapped the back of her head before holstering her pistol and sending a biotic shockwave at a group of the enemy. Sera deployed a defense drone as she left the biotic barrier and ran for the place they'd exited the woods. Alenko was waiting and tossed her a shotgun. She grinned and turned to rejoin the fight.

"Shepard, get your ass over here," Garrus said through the comm. A moment later, she was running for his position, sending blasts of biotic power behind her as she went. She dove into cover near him and swapped her pistol for her sniper rifle. A knot of unease he hadn't known he'd been carrying loosened.

"This is much easier than with just three people," she said. "Would you like to resume control of the mission, sir?"

"You're doing just fine, Shepard," he said.

She had impressed him. He hadn't liked the plan she'd proposed and it wouldn't have been the way he would have done it, but it had worked perfectly. He'd wondered for a moment if she truly would use the opportunity to get away but that touch to his mandible had convinced him to trust her. She wouldn't have touched him so gently if she'd been planning to betray him. She hadn't had to warn him in the first place. They probably wouldn't have killed her. She could have let them walk into an ambush. He'd known something had felt wrong about the whole thing but a lifetime of taking orders from superiors had bypassed his questioning.

She'd seen it, though. He'd felt her tension rise steadily as they'd talked to the impostors. He'd thought at first it was just from being around unknown turian soldiers but she'd had their entire team around her and knew they wouldn't let anything happen to her. She hadn't relaxed even when he'd promised not to leave her. Then Saren, whom he hadn't recognized with the extensive face paint, had come over to her and he'd been distracted by the scent of desire and the possessive undertone coming from him. He'd missed the situation entirely. If not for Shepard, his team would be dead and his ship in the hands of separatists. She'd given up freedom to save them. How could he ever let her go now? How could he not?

She gave orders to the team through the comm and they followed her without question. She had transformed before his eyes. Every bit of hesitation was gone. She wasn't Shepard the slave. She was Commander Shepard, heroine of the Alliance, and she led the team of turians and humans like it was her absolute right to do so. They cut through the separatist platoon in record time and she didn't falter even when the second wave, made up of the soldiers sent to take the now-absent ship, rushed in. She hadn't forgotten about them and she smoothly shifted the team to counter.

As he fought, he thought about the things he'd heard her say and wondered how much of it was the way she really felt. Her voice had rung with conviction so surely some of it had been true. He couldn't really blame her for hating his race for what they'd done to her and hers. He just hoped that she didn't truly feel that way about him or his crew. She couldn't, right? Not if she was sacrificing for them. He'd never felt the need to question her motives before but after hearing her words, he knew he had to address them.

When the last of the separatists fell, she stood with a grin. "Good work, guys." To her credit, there was only a slight tinge of bitterness to her voice when she added, "Isn't it amazing what humans and turians can accomplish when we work together instead of fighting each other?"

He said with a grin, "I'll work together with you any day, Shepard."

They gathered in the clearing and Serafina said, "Damn it, Shepard. You had me convinced you'd turned on us. That really hurt my feelings."

Shepard rubbed her neck and said sheepishly, "Sorry for kicking you. I had to make you guys believe me until reinforcements arrived because he didn't. I hadn't counted on him telling me to kill you to prove myself. I was trying to stall. I'm so glad you didn't say anything about Garrus not being allergic. It was the only thing I could think of that might sound believable to the separatists but not to you."

Demetrius glared at her, not quite ready to forgive yet. "And if it hadn't worked? Would you have shot us then?"

Saren crossed his arms and eyed her critically, waiting for her response. She shook her head and said, "There was no reason to. I held off a bigger group than this with only one other person for hours before I was captured and that was after fighting all day and losing the rest of my squad. We could have held them off until Garrus and the rest of the team arrived. Sera has her drones. Titus could have taken my pistol. You're plenty deadly even without a weapon. And Victerius here is worth two regular soldiers."

Saren said, "I don't need a cover anymore. It's good to see you haven't wasted the skills I taught you."

Garrus didn't like the demure way she turned to the Spectre. There was a subservience there that he'd never seen from her even with his father. And Saren was giving that possessive undertone again and looking at her like he owned her. Garrus stepped forward and returned the growl, challenging him. Saren looked at him in surprise and was about to respond when Shepard said, "Thank you for the amp, sir." She removed it and held it out to him. His talons brushed her palm when he took it from her hand and Garrus noticed she didn't flinch from him. What the hell was going on here?

"Who did that to you?" Saren demanded, his voice deadly calm. "Was it this one?"

Shepard stepped protectively in front of Garrus and said, "No, sir! He would never do that."

"I'm surprised you allowed it to happen in the first place," Saren said. It was clear that 'surprised' translated to 'disappointed.'

Shepard looked at the Spectre and said, "Well, someone put me on an auction block and I ended up in the possession of Flavius Valernus. It's kind of hard to fight back when you've got a control chip in your head and are locked in a cage or on a rack being tortured all day every day for two years and haven't had enough food to keep a rabbit healthy in months." She stepped forward and demanded, "Why'd you sell me, Saren? And where the hell is your crew? Why are you out here all alone? Where were you?"

Garrus didn't know if her sudden boldness came from his presence or from leading a team again or just from whatever strange relationship she had with the Spectre but he saw his team circle protectively around her, ready to defend her from any backlash she received for it. The Spectre didn't seem surprised or perturbed. In fact, he seemed to expect it. Garrus wondered if this was what she'd been like before the sadistic doctor had gotten his hands on her.

"They're dead," Saren said.

"What happened to them?" she asked but there was something in her tone that said she wasn't asking out of concern. She sounded almost pleased.

"I happened to them."

Her brow creased. "Why?"

"You know why," Saren said coolly.

It was Shepard's turn to look surprised and Garrus wondered what they'd done to her before realizing he already knew. He'd given specific orders to prevent it from happening. Saren wouldn't have, at least not when he'd first acquired her. He might have stopped it eventually but he wouldn't have prevented it at first. He was notorious for his hatred of humans. He probably would have watched. What amazed Garrus was that they did seem to understand each other and to have a mutual respect for each other even after all this time.

"What happened to Flavius?" Saren asked.

"I happened to him," she answered.

"None of you heard that," Garrus snapped quickly to his crew.

Saren turned to Garrus and growled, "Take care of her, Vakarian, or you will answer to me."

Shepard sneered and said, "You should have thought about that two years ago."

Saren backhanded her but before Garrus could react, she was already moving, throwing her shoulder into his waist and sweeping out with her leg. They went down in a heap of flashing talons and flying fists. Nihlus stepped forward, looking uncertainly at Garrus. He didn't know what to do. Something was going on here that he didn't understand, something that very distinctly didn't involve him. He held up a hand. Shepard was holding her own. In fact, the Spectre looked taken aback by the depth of her fury.

Shepard poured her anger and betrayal into her attack. She channeled every bit of pain she'd experienced in those two years into driving rage. She'd never let herself fully go when sparring with Saren, though she'd come close once or twice. She did now. A part of her recognized that killing him would sign her own death warrant. Another part of her didn't care. It was his fault she'd suffered under Flavius. If he hadn't wanted her anymore he could have set her free or sold her to someone who would have treated her well. He hadn't. She'd thought he'd had more respect for her than to just throw her to the wolves. Seeing him brought back her fear that Garrus would do the same.

She forgot the others standing around watching. Vaguely, she'd registered being aware that Garrus was allowing the fight but couldn't spare any attention to wonder about her punishment once this was over. It took every bit of her strength and skill just to keep herself on even ground with the much larger turian. His talons raked against her armor and she felt his teeth pierce the softer, unprotected area on the inside of her elbow. She put her fist into his mandible with enough force that she felt it crack under her knuckles and felt a surge of satisfaction. He threw her aside and they circled each other. He wasn't using his biotics. She knew he wasn't holding back because she was lacking an amp. Saren didn't believe in fighting fair. He fought as quick and dirty as she. She realized that he knew that if he used his biotics, she'd drain his shields with her omni-tool and immolate him. She couldn't say the idea didn't appeal but she really wanted to rip him apart with her bare hands.

Saren was giving her the chance to do it. He wouldn't let her take him down without a fight but if she managed to overpower him--which she might be able to do with the pain and rage driving her--he'd accept it as his due. He'd had to fight to conceal his shock and horror when he'd walked into the room and noticed her standing alongside the turian soldiers. She'd changed so much that he almost hadn't recognized her until he'd seen the flash of recognition in her own eyes. He'd counted every mark he could see on her and found far too many. She hadn't exaggerated when she'd said she'd been tortured. She looked like she'd been mauled by a varren.

She was lucky she still had eyes. Deep talon marks ran from above them down each of her cheeks, intersected by more slashes. There were scars on her neck that had to have crossed major blood vessels where someone had repeatedly slit her throat and patched her up before she could die from it. Her hair, which had been long when he'd known her, was short now and barely brushed her chin. He wondered what was underneath it. More scars ran around the back of her neck and down into the armor. The surgical scar from the control chip near her spine at the base of her skull was simultaneously the most mundane and horrifying.

Even when he'd hated her and had been mystified by Sparatus' idea that a human would be an appropriate reward for him of all people, he'd never considered using a control chip on her. He'd been unwillingly impressed by her strength and resolve. She'd taken whatever he'd thrown at her with equanimity and without complaint. She'd submitted but never surrendered and had fought back in her own way. She'd refused to make a sound when he had struck her or fought with her without allowing her to retaliate or defend herself. She'd done everything he'd ordered her to do and had done it well.

The day she'd made a comment about his sniper, he'd been enraged at her insult. He'd gone to her expecting her to fail but she hadn't. Saren had never been one to refuse to utilize a good tool even if he didn't like it and he'd reluctantly added her to his squad. On the battlefield, he'd found a kindred spirit. She was just as ruthless as he. She'd begun to challenge him, to speak freely, and he'd respected her even more for it. He'd taken her onto a slave ship alone and given her free rein. He'd watched in admiration as she'd burned through on her own, clearing each deck with a feral smile on her face like an angel of death and then watched her place a bullet between the four eyes of a batarian slaver who was on his knees begging for mercy. She'd responded coldly, "You're asking the wrong person. God may have mercy, but I don't."

That had been the moment when his feelings for her had gone from respect to something he didn't dare name even now. She'd gained power over him. He'd had to get her away from him. He could have found another option but he'd panicked and had gone for the fastest one. He could still remember the look of hurt, betrayal, and confusion as he'd handed her over to the slaver to take to auction. It had torn at his gut and confirmed that he couldn't have her anywhere near him. She'd gotten to him.

The months that followed had been miserable for him. Her scent had lingered on the ship, haunting him. Even after he'd ordered a full detail of every space on board, he'd imagined he could still smell her. He would turn a corner expecting her to be there. The sniper who'd replaced her on missions hadn't had half of her skill. Then someone had made the off-handed comment that had Saren been tired of her, he could have just given her back to the crew and it had sparked a discussion of her merits that had reminded him that every one of them had tasted her and, not only that, had done so against her will. They'd paid for it with their lives.

He and Shepard had had a mutual understanding. They'd known they could both kill each other. Instead, they'd wordlessly chosen to guard each other while they killed others together. She'd kept up her end of the bargain. He hadn't. He'd used her and tossed her to the varren because of his own fear and she had paid the price. And yet here she was, still burning brighter than everything around her, still refusing to be defeated.

He rolled to dodge a blow and she followed, elbowing him under the jaw. He snarled and grabbed her hair, exposing her throat to his hand. All he had to do was squeeze. She responded by grasping his fringe and holding it just short of snapping as her small fingers pried behind his face plates. They were both an instant from death and knew it. He saw victory burning darkly in her eyes. Either way, she won.

"Enough!" Vakarian roared. Hands pried them away from each other and the silver turian drew her protectively in his arms. Saren could have told him that she was the last female who needed protection but she accepted the gesture and seemed to soften with him. She trusted Vakarian. He understood why the soldiers had believed she cared about him. "What the hell is going on with you two? Someone had better explain right now!"

Saren said, "Shepard has every right to be angry. I accepted a responsibility for her when I made her a part of my crew and I failed her. I should have dropped her on Shanxi. Instead, I relinquished my control over her and, as a result, she suffered. It is a testament to her own strength that she is not broken."

"No," Shepard countered softly. "It isn't. It's because of him. He put me back together."

Saren looked at Vakarian curiously. The turian looked down at her and said, "You're right. She does have a right to be angry with you."

Nihlus snarled at the memory and said, "You didn't see her a few months ago. She was broken. I didn't know why Garrus chose her in the first place. She was nothing but scarred skin and bones, bald, and scared of her own shadow. I guess I know now. No one else would have done what she did."

"I apologize, Shepard," he said sincerely. "I should not have abandoned you."

The female turian said, "She has a family now. She's ours."

Shepard looked at Serafina in astonishment as the others, even Demetrius, nodded. No one, human or turian, had said that about her. No one had ever called her family. She'd been raised in a series foster homes after a thug had killed her family for her father's credits until she'd run away and joined up with one of the local gangs for a sense of belonging that had proven to be an illusion. She'd joined the Alliance and had actually found it there but, even then, they hadn't been family. How could she have found it here?

Saren bid her goodbye and Garrus sent Serafina and Demetrius to repair the comm tower while the team searched for the missing soldiers. They found the bodies in a large storage room within the compound. They laid the bodies out and covered them with sheets for pickup by the Hierarchy before calling the ship back for exfil. The mood was somber as they returned to the ship. Garrus sent her to the med bay to have the wounds from her fight with Saren treated while he went to the comm room to report in to the Hierarchy.

Portia was kind and friendly but it still took Kaidan's presence for Shepard to relax around the doctor without Garrus present. It helped that she was female but Shepard couldn't help but think of all the other things that her medical equipment could be used for if she so chose. Trusting Garrus and even the team was one thing. She still didn't know the doctor that well. Kaidan and Jack stayed with her and Jack leaned up against the wall with her arms crossed.

"Thanks for saving Nihlus' ass, Shepard," she said. "I'd hate to have to try to find another owner like him."

Portia said, "From what I heard, you saved all of our asses, Shepard. We didn't have enough fighters on board to defend the ship and Tertius wouldn't have left without the captain."

"Why did you?" Kaidan asked. Seeing her glance at Portia, he said, "You can speak freely in front of her."

Portia said, "I don't condone slavery. I claimed Kaidan because I know what happens to attractive male soldiers who aren't killed outright. I may have a document that says I own him but he's my partner and assistant. He chooses to be here."

She raised a brow at Kaidan and he shuffled his feet. "I didn't think I could tell you, Commander. I didn't think you'd understand. I wouldn't choose to be here otherwise but I love her. And before you suggest it, no, it's not Stockholm Syndrome. I was in bad   
when she took me. She nursed me back to health and offered to take me home. By then, though, it was too late. I'd already fallen for her."

Jack snorted. "Love, huh? Never thought I'd hear that. I respect Nihlus and I'm loyal to him but I'm not stupid enough to fall in love with anyone, but especially not someone who's going to end up marrying someone else."

Portia bristled at that. "I'm not ranked highly enough in the Hierarchy to be expected to marry. Kaidan is my bondmate. That is enough for me."

"Well, aren't you the lucky one," Jack sneered.

Shepard said, "Good luck to anybody Nihlus marries. I imagine you'd make her life quite the living hell."

"No," Jack said. "I wouldn't. Remember what I said about respect and loyalty? Why the fuck would I make things harder by causing him trouble? Of course, if she did him wrong, I'd tear her apart. Speaking of which, I need to go return this amp to him. I wonder where the hell he got it."

"I gave it to him," Portia answered. "I obtained a few for Kaidan in case of an emergency. There you go, Shepard. You're all patched up. Whoever you were fighting with didn't hold back, did he?"

"You should see the other guy," Shepard said and Jack snorted and shook her head as she passed the borrowed amp to the doctor. Kaidan took it and put it in a box with his own and secured it in the back of a cupboard.

The door opened and Garrus strode in. "Good. You're still here. Portia, Shepard has a control chip I'd like you to remove." He turned to Shepard. "I know you don't like the idea of surgery, but if I'd known you had the damn thing in the first place, I'd have gotten it removed already. I don't want that in you one more moment."

She glanced at Portia. The doctor was bonded to a human and Kaidan loved her. He wouldn't love a sadist. She nodded and said, "Okay. Will you...can you remove these while you're at it?" she asked, gesturing to her face. "They're just an unpleasant reminder."

Portia looked at Garrus and said, "She'll be out of commission for a few days. I'll need to do a skin weave and possibly some for her muscles as well. Some of those are quite deep."

Garrus nodded. "Do it."

Portia sent Jack and Garrus from the room and instructed Kaidan to prepare her supplies. She turned to Shepard. "I understand that humans have different notions about nudity than turians. If you aren't comfortable with Kaidan, I'll have someone else assist, but I assure you that he is very well trained in this and completely professional. He's essentially been my nurse for the past five years."

"It's fine," Shepard said. At the doctor's instruction, she stripped down, placing her collar carefully on top of her armor, and laid down on the table. Kaidan placed an IV in her uninjured arm and she drifted away.

Portia called Garrus in several long hours later. He went to the bed where Shepard lay on a cushion of gel with a translucent white sheet fitted over her body. It was as close as he'd come to seeing her nude since the day he'd met her. The only place not covered was her hair and he reached out and stroked it carefully. She didn't stir. Portia said softly, "I'll have her sedated until the skin sets. Right now the nerves are exposed and she would be in excruciating pain if she were awake. She can't feel anything with the sedation. Garrus, her last owner was a monster. Has she told you what he did to her?"

Garrus shook his head, unsure if he wanted to know. Alenko's pitying look and Portia's horrified one told him it wasn't good. "She's talked about it in broad strokes but never detail."

Portia said, "She should be dead. The control chip she had installed was of the type used for the most dangerous criminals in maximum security prisons. It was set to a strength designed for a krogan and it had been used, often. If it had been installed in the brain rather than near the spinal cavity, she would have died. As it is, she's fortunate not to be paralyzed. In addition, I had to graft new blood vessels in the major arteries in her neck. They'd been severed and repaired on multiple occasions. She has scarring on her trachea that indicates that it has been as well. I would imagine that her voice now is not what it was before."

Alenko nodded. "She does sound different now that you mention it. It's...huskier. Like she's constantly a little bit hoarse. It's sad, too, because she used to sing like an angel."

Garrus started as he realized that the smoky quality of her voice that he loved so much was the result of abuse. "How is she still alive?"

"He must have had supplies on hand to treat her immediately. He planned it, Garrus. It wasn't an accident. And there's more. Internally, she was a mess. Her reproductive organs were removed with the exception of those that regulate her hormones. She can't ever have children and I don't know if she even knows. There was other damage in...places...that I was able to repair as well. If you're sexually involved with her, you'll need to be aware that she'll be more sensitive than she's accustomed to for a while. The nerves were badly damaged so I repaired them. She also had injuries to her other organs as well as her musculature, and several bones had been shattered and poorly repaired. The sadistic bastard damaged her and then fixed her just well enough for her to function. It almost looks like he was testing how much the human body could withstand and survive. I don't know how she's been able to go on missions with you. She had to have been living with a constant level of pain."

Kaidan said, "Our bodies adjust to chronic pain to an extent. She probably didn't even notice it anymore unless she paid attention to it or was having a particularly bad day. Even then, compared to what she's been through before, it was probably nothing in her mind. She clearly has an exceptionally high pain tolerance."

Portia pulled up the scans she'd done and showed them to Garrus. They illustrated all of the damage and the repairs done. It made him sick. He'd had no idea. The scars on the outside had been just a hint of what had been done internally. And then there was the damage they couldn't see, the invisible scars left on her soul. He couldn't believe she let him touch her at all. "It's a wonder she's still sane," he said.

"Yes," Portia agreed. "I don't think I would be. How did she get away from him, Garrus?"

He thought of what she'd said to Saren before her fight with him and the fury in her eyes, the way she'd pushed even to the threat of her own death. She'd have been willing to die if it meant she could rip him apart and he'd simply been the one who'd allowed it to happen. He said softly, "I think she killed him."

"How?" Kaidan asked. "She shouldn't have been able to move against him."

Portia said, "She pushed past the control chip. By that point, death probably would have been a mercy. Either she'd kill him or he'd kill her. Either way, she was free of him."

Garrus sank to his knees and pressed his forehead to her hair. She thought she wasn't brave. She was the bravest and strongest person he'd ever met. After everything she'd been through, she had not only retained her sanity, she was able to laugh and to care and to stand up for herself. She had every reason to hate turians as a whole for allowing the circumstances that had led to her mistreatment but instead she judged them as individuals. "I'll free you, Shepard. I'll take you home," he whispered. "I swear it." It would kill him to let her go. She'd become a part of him and he knew he'd never find anyone like her again. If she'd been a turian, he'd have married her and damn what his father said. But he couldn't keep her in captivity. In the meantime, he'd make sure that she was never hurt like that again. He would protect her and keep her safe. And if she chose to be his in the interim, he would do everything in his power to make her deliriously happy and would savor every moment to get him through the rest of his life without her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Shepard woke slowly, aware at first only of a hand in hers. She turned her head to see Garrus asleep in a chair beside her bed with his fingers entwined in hers. He was in his armor but that was nothing new. He generally was unless he was alone with her in the evenings. There was still something about him that made her think he'd run a mission recently. He looked exhausted and he still smelled vaguely of battle. He'd come to her bedside without even stopping to clean up. That thought was both touching and endearing and her heart gave a hard thump.

His eyes opened and he rubbed his forehead before blinking at her. A slow smile lit his face and he said softly, "Hey."

"Hey, yourself. How long have I been out?" she asked.

"Five days," he answered.

"That long?" she asked, surprised. "Did something go wrong?"

"No," he said. "It's just that the, ah, damage to your body was more extensive than we realized. Spirits, Shepard. Why didn't you tell me? I've pushed you too hard too fast. There's no way I've given you enough time to process everything."

She shook her head, determined to assuage the guilty look. She couldn't let him think that. "No, Garrus. You've let me take things at my own pace. You've been perfect."

He laughed nervously. "I don't know about that. I'm damn good, but perfect might be pushing it. Just a little."

She smiled and laid back. "So, I'm guessing you'll want to talk about it."

She didn't have to specify. "When you're ready," he said. "But first, do you want to see Portia's work?"

He passed her a mirror and she hesitated only a moment before looking at herself. Her skin was paler than she had become used to since being on Palaven but it was completely smooth. She released his hand and brought her fingers up to feel it, unable to believe that the face in the mirror was really her. The scars had become such a part of her identity that she almost didn't recognize herself. She said, "I look like me again." The door opened and the doctor and Kaidan walked in. She beamed at Kaidan, the only one who knew what she'd looked like before and said, "Kaidan, look! I'm me. It's my face. It's my face!"

Kaidan gave her a soft smile and nodded. "Yeah, Commander. You're you again."

"Thank you, Portia. I don't--I'm not--looks aren't that important to me. I've never cared if I was considered attractive or not. The scars didn't bother me because of that. I can look in a mirror now without being forced to remember...this isn't his face anymore. It's mine." Once she started, the floodgates opened and she couldn't hold back the tide. "He took everything. Sparatus tried to make me more turian. Saren, at least with Saren I was a soldier again. But Flavius, he took everything from me. He took away my ability to have a family. He took my freedom and my dignity and my pride. He took my identity and my voice and my body and my life. He even took my fucking face. He took everything that made me who I was and destroyed it."

Garrus moved to sit beside her and she knelt up to bury her face in his cowl. Her face. He held her as the storm raged. He let her scream and strike out and rage. He held her and rumbled soothingly and, when she was spent, he pulled her into his lap and laid her head against his chest. "It's over, Shepard. He's dead. You're safe now."

Kaidan said, "You're still you, Commander. He may have messed you up for a while but you're still you."

Portia said, "You're a stronger version of you, both literally and metaphorically. With the bone, muscle, and skin weaves I gave you, you're going to be virtually indestructible. The only way you'll scar now is if you put something on the wound to make it scar. Your bones can break, but it will take tremendous pressure. The break will be clean and will knit back together much faster. Your muscles are stronger. In short, you've been upgraded. You also no longer have a control chip. But you do need to rest now. I'll have you cleared for duty tomorrow. You can leave here but you need to rest tonight. Understood? You need a night of real sleep."

She finished briefing Shepard on her new body and Garrus nodded and carried her up to his cabin. Portia had reassured him and told him not to worry but when his girl was unconscious in the med bay, he couldn't help but worry. Even running the last mission wasn't enough to take his mind off of her. He'd seriously neglected his duties over the past few days. Albion, his XO, had stepped up but he still had work to catch up on. He didn't care. Tonight, he was going to sleep beside her in their bed and keep the nightmares away.

He laid her down and pulled the blanket up over her before going to the head to remove his armor, shower, and try to de-stress. Then he remembered the night with her and wondered if that counted as strenuous. Hell, did she even still want him? He heard movement in the room and finished his shower quickly, willing his plates to stay closed. When he went out, she was looking for something. She looked up and her eyes roved over him with something that might have been appreciation before she asked, "Where's my collar?"

"I put it away," he said. "You'll get it back if we go somewhere that you need it but you don't here."

She looked torn. "But Garrus, I--"

"But nothing," he said firmly. He went to her and ran his hands down her smooth arms. "No collar. Tonight, you are Commander Shepard and you just happen to be on a turian ship with your turian..." What was he? He didn't want the title of owner. She wasn't property to be used and cast aside.

"My turian," she said with a smile. Yeah, that worked.

"Definitely," he said, lowering his forehead to hers. "So tonight you're just Shepard and I'm just Garrus and we're just going to be, okay?"

"I think I can do that," she said.

"Then let me go put some pants on."

While he dressed, she went into the head and looked at herself in the mirror. He suspected she had stripped out of the gown Portia had provided and was looking at her new body. He wanted to go in but told himself to give her this time alone. When she came out, she had a look of wonder on her fresh face. She laid down beside him in the bed and curled into him. When she fell asleep, he called up Nihlus on the comm. "I want to do something for Shepard," he said.

"What?" Nihlus asked.

"I want to give her a mission of her own with an all-human team. Our next assignment is a group of Eclipse mercs who've been smuggling weapons through Hierarchy space. No humans, no turians, just asari. I was thinking we could remotely disable their ship when we catch it and send her in. Portia will let Alenko go. Your Jack looked like she could hold her own. Can Shepard borrow her?"

"You want to send three humans onto a ship by themselves?" Nihlus asked.

"A disabled ship. They won't be able to run. Shepard works best with a three-man team."

"There are so many ways this can go wrong, Garrus," he warned.

"Trust Shepard," he said. "I think she's earned this."

"All right," Nihlus said. "Jack can go."

___

"You're letting us go?" Shepard asked incredulously. "By ourselves?"

"Yes," Garrus said as Portia handed each of them a biotic amp. "We'll be available on the comm if you need backup. Now go, Commander. You have a mission to run."

She stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his in a quick kiss. He looked confused but happy and she gestured for Kaidan and Jack to follow her through the airlock. The mission was simple. Sweep and clear and then call in for a team to confiscate the stolen weapons. Jack and Kaidan looked just as thrilled as she felt. Kaidan looked at her and said, "Just like old times, Commander."

It was. Jack was new but she was former military as well and a fierce fighter. She moved in close with her pistols while Kaidan remained at mid-range with his assault rifle and Shepard covered from a distance with her sniper rifle. It felt good to take point, evaluate the situation, and give orders on the fly again. It had been so long since she'd used Alliance hand signals that it felt like they had their own secret language. The comm was silent though she knew Garrus, Nihlus, and Portia were listening in and she was able to forget that it was a turian ship waiting. Right now, they were three Alliance soldiers on a mission.

Commander Shepard came back to herself. She could feel her confidence return. Her shoulders squared, her voice rang with authority when she called out direction, and her pulse beat with adrenaline. She felt more alive and herself than she had in years. Her body hummed with vitality and she would swear that she was glowing and not just from her biotics. She was happy.

She'd fought asari before and these weren't commandos. They were just mercenaries and they were no match for Commander Shepard and her team, especially with the new upgrades she'd received. She felt like she could go forever. She was noticeably stronger and their attacks didn't phase her. Even when a bullet slammed past her barrier and into her armor it was more discomfort than actual pain. "Thank you, Portia," she muttered.

"You're welcome," the doctor chirped happily through the comm. Even that reminder of the turians didn't break through her happiness. The ones on the ship weren't turians to her anymore. They were just her people. She realized that, while she was enjoying fighting alongside an all-human team, she had gotten used to having Garrus with her and she missed his easy banter. Jack just shouted about tearing people apart and Kaidan was quiet as he fought.

"Come on, guys," she said when they cleared the deck they were on, "let's have a little fun."

Kaidan knew what she meant and he grinned at her. Jack looked curious until she heard the music over her comm. "Seriously, Commander?" she said with a laugh. "You've got a firefight playlist? You've got to be shitting me!"

Kaidan said, "Just wait. She sings, too."

"I don't know if I can sing anymore, Kaidan," she said.

"You'll never know until you try," he pointed out.

Jack said, "Don't worry. I'll tell you if you're horrible."

They climbed the stairs to the last deck and opened fire on the mercs, using the command center for cover. "Now, this is what I call fun!" she said.

"Fighting through the CIC of a merc ship?" Garrus asked over the comm.

"Damn straight," she said, popping up to warp a merc.

"I think that ranks right there above the gardens and below the electronics shops," he said.

"And antique shops, as I recall," she said.

"But only if they're classy!" he reminded her.

While the other two were occupying the forces on the bridge, she took aim and shot the pilot cowering in her chair. Blood splattered on the window and Shepard said, "Ah, modern art."

"What?" Nihlus asked.

Jack said, "She just painted a window purple. With bits of blue. It's kind of pretty."

Shepard said, "If you guys are going to offer comments from the peanut gallery, you might as well come watch."

Garrus said, "Nah. I think I kind of like having my feet up on a table and drinking a beer while someone else fights for me."

Shepard laughed and sent out a fireball as she said, "You're bored out of your damn mind and pacing by the airlock, aren't you?"

Portia said, "Like a worried papa."

"I don't think I want to think of him as a paternal figure," Shepard blurted out before she thought it through. Nihlus laughed so hard she thought he was going to choke himself and Jack missed a shot laughing at him. "Come on, guys. Get it together. What are you, twelve?"

Garrus growled low in her ear, "I don't particularly want you thinking of me that way, either. Though I do like the idea of you thinking about me." His voice sent a hot shiver down her spine even from a distance and she cursed as she missed a shot. "Having trouble, Shepard?"

"No," she said quickly, correcting her aim and taking down the merc. The CIC looked like a thunderstorm raging with all of the clashing blue light from the biotic attacks. Gunfire rang out around them. One of her favorite songs came on and she swapped to her pistol as she began to sing along. She saw Kaidan grin and Jack looked over at her in surprise as she sent out a shockwave. Neither complained, so she guessed the new voice worked, too. She sent out a warp at an asari and shot her as soon as her barrier dropped before shooting another fireball across the bridge.

She was almost disappointed when the ship was clear and she gave the word for the team to move in to secure the cargo. That had been a lot of fun. She was going to have to thank Garrus for it later. As far as gifts went, this was right up there with the Widow. "You certainly know how to spoil a girl, Captain Vakarian," she said with a smile when they returned to the ship.

He nuzzled her ear and said, "You should keep that in mind when I claim my winnings from our last game." Her breath caught and her hands tightened on his arms as his tongue drew a hot line from the neck of her armor to her jawline. The heat of battle turned into a totally different kind of heat and she pictured herself slamming him up against the elevator wall and popping the seals on their armor so that she could have her way with him. The idea didn't scare her at all.

Commander Shepard was an entirely different person than the one he'd known for the past few months, he realized later when they were alone. She was animated, playful, happy. She didn't flinch away from him. She talked with her hands, she told him about growing up on Earth. She'd had a hard life even before her capture but those wounds were old and long-healed and she was able to look back on them and recount the good times. She told him stories from her military days, though ones that didn't involve turians, he noticed.

"We all stumbled out of the bar to go back to the ship but we didn't really know our way around the Citadel because it was our first time there and we had no clue how to get back to the docks. There we were, this whole green Alliance squad and our commander who was just as drunk as we were. He was the only one who had been there before and he can't remember, either. We're all drunk as skunks and Jenkins gets the bright idea to hit on this asari matriarch. Jenkins is all of eighteen years old at this point and she's been around for centuries. She picks him up with her biotics, holds him in the air, strips his pants off. Then she tells him she's seen salarians with bigger dicks and drops him on the ground with his pants around his ankles. Jenkins jumps up and yells, 'That was awesome!' And...then C-Sec came and arrested the lot of us. Spoilsports."

He didn't know what skunks were or why they would be drunk but he could easily picture the scene. He had similar stories. "Okay," he said, "I've got one. Have you ever seen a turian swim? No? There's a reason for that. Lots of flailing and sputtering interrupted by the occasional bout of drowning. It's isn't pretty. You know turians start military training at fifteen, right? We've all just recently discovered sex and pretty much all we can think of is fucking and fighting. And if you ever tell Nihlus I told you this story, I'll have you cleaning the lavatories until the end of time. Got it, soldier?"

"Aye aye, sir," she said snappily and he grinned.

He poured her another glass of the amino-neutral asari wine he'd snagged from the mess hall and continued. "Nihlus got the great idea to try to impress this female, ah, I don't remember her name. Anyway, he'd been eyeing her for a while and she hadn't given him the time of day. So we're camped out by this lake and he jumps off a rock into the water and promptly sinks. Again, turians can't swim. We had to fish him out with a sapling. When we got him out of the water, he coughed up half the lake, grinned at the girl, and said, 'You caught me. Now what are you going to do with me?'"

"Did she push him back in?" Shepard laughed.

"No. It worked! She pushed him up against the rock in front of all of us and started screwing his brains out. They were going at it so hard they didn't even hear the instructor walk up and he pushed them back into the lake! The line didn't work so well on the instructor. We were supposed to be scouting for them. They'd been across the lake the whole time and had seen the whole damn thing. We all got kitchen duty for a week but it was totally worth it to see the look on his face as he fell in the second time."

"Okay," she said, "best sparring match."

"I went nine rounds with this recon scout I hated. We'd been at each other's throat for weeks and finally decided to settle it in the ring. The judges finally called it a draw because we were too closely matched. You?"

"You saw mine," she said.

"That wasn't sparring," he said. "That was an all-out fight to the death."

"You've clearly never sparred with Saren, then. It's always a fight to the death. It was just the first time I'd gotten him as close to it as he'd gotten me. Come on, I was pretty proud of that one. You're sure you aren't mad about that?"

"He didn't complain. Now, if you'd fucked him, that would be a different story," he said and then cursed himself for bringing up bad memories. Her smile didn't falter, though.

She straddled him and nuzzled under his jaw. "There's only one turian I want to do that with."

The breath fled his lungs. She couldn't be saying what he thought she was saying. "Are you drunk, Shepard?" She hadn't had much more than a glass but she did weigh less than he did and she hadn't had alcohol in years.

"No," she said. "But if I recall correctly, you did win a certain game of ours and I am curious about this new body. You know what the best part about it is?"

"What?" he asked, stretching up into the hands massaging his neck.

Shepard whispered, "Portia replaced the skin everywhere." Portia hadn't just given Shepard her face back. She'd made her feel entirely new again. She couldn't take the memories but she'd taken the evidence and given her skin that had never been touched by anyone but friends. The idea of that was psychologically freeing. Physically, she was new again, untouched. "In celebration of that and in thanks for today, I choose...wherever you want."

"Oh holy shit, Shepard," he breathed as his hands clenched on her hips. "Are you sure?"

She said, "I'm sure," and pressed her lips to his. He jumped slightly as her tongue traced his stiff lips but hummed happily when it slipped between them to stroke against his own. It was apparent he'd never kissed like this before but he seemed to like it and he was a fast learner. He responded in kind, angling his head and sweeping his muscular tongue into her mouth to trace her flat teeth and explore her. It was different but she liked it. She also liked the way his hands kneaded her hips and when he nuzzled her jaw and then her neck, she let her head fall back.

Seeing her throat exposed seemed to spark something in him and he groaned against her neck. "Spirits, Shepard. I want you."

She wanted him, too. Desire, dormant and presumed dead for years, raised its head and buried its teeth in her flesh. She pulled her shirt over her head and unfastened her bra. His movements were frantic, jerky, but his hands on her were gentle as they stroked up her ribcage to cup her breasts. She gasped and her back arched, pressing into his hands. "Garrus!"

"I'm here, Shepard," he said, licking her collarbone. "I would never, ever hurt you."

Her fingers fumbled on the clasps of his tunic. Now that the decision had been made, she wanted to be closer to him. She wanted the barriers out of the way. He reached up and helped and she leaned forward and nibbled at his collarbone as her hands trailed down over his chest. He groaned and she had a momentary flash of fear as she felt his plates shift but he'd taken her face in his hands and was looking into her eyes. "You won't hurt me," she said.

"Never," he vowed as he pressed up against her.

"Okay." She kissed him again and felt his hands roam over her back, feeling the smooth skin and muscle beneath, testing its resilience, and heating her skin.

Her palms flattened over his chest and her fingers slid between the plates to the soft skin beneath. He hissed out her name and his hands slid down to cup her ass. "Bed. Now," he gasped out, standing and carrying her with him. He laid her down and used his hands and mouth to explore her chest. She cried out his name and arched her back when he drew a nipple into his mouth and she felt his rough tongue slide over it. His thumb brushed the other before his hand slid down to her waist. He seemed to enjoy the clench and play of her abdominal muscles and she responded by scraping her nails lightly under his fringe. He nipped at the underside of her breast and when she gasped, asked quickly, "Too much?"

"No," she said quickly. "Restrained is good. I know you like clawing and biting. Just, uh, not too hard."

His hand slid under her and she felt his talons draw down the length of her spine, sending tingles in their wake. "I dulled them," he said. "After I scratched you the other night. I didn't want to scare you."

She cupped his face in her hands and said, "This is the first time. Our first time. Nobody else came before. All right? I trust you."

"Spirits, Shepard, you have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that," he breathed before placing his forehead against hers. He looked her in the eye as he reached down and unfastened the clasp to her pants and slowly drew them down. His hand trailed up her leg, drawing her knee up to expose her. She traced the lines of his markings and he shuddered before sliding a finger against her.

"Oh, god, Garrus!" she cried as her hips bucked. She hadn't expected to be able to feel much but that simple slide of his finger almost undid her. "Oh, please," she begged.

"Tell me, Shepard," he said.

"I want you," she gasped as he circled her with a finger. He pressed against her opening and she pushed against him. He slipped it into her and she clung to him as he slid in and out drawing her moisture around her. His forehead left hers and his mouth trailed over her face and along her neck before licking her collarbone again and moving down to nip lightly at her breast again. He continued down her torso, paying close attention to her abdomen. The first rasp of his tongue against her center had her taut as a bowstring and when he replaced his finger with his agile tongue, she shouted his name and fisted her hands in the sheets. He stroked her inside with his tongue as his lips rubbed against her nub and his hands circled her waist. Her fingers tangled in his fringe and he groaned, sending reverberations into her as he licked her. Her body felt like it was on fire, burning from the inside out. No one had ever pleasured her the way he was doing now and she writhed against him as he drove her higher. "Garrus!" she moaned as the waves broke over her. It wasn't enough, though. She needed more. She needed him to fill her, needed to seal what they were to each other. "Garrus, please!" she begged.

He drew out from her and made quick work of his own pants before moving up her body. She reached down to touch him and he stopped her. "I get to touch you, remember?" he asked with a grin. When she made a sound of protest, he murmured against her ear, "If you're a good girl, I might even let you have a turn with me." He propped himself on an elbow and threaded his fingers through her hair as he slid himself against her, watching her to gauge her reaction. Her hands locked onto his back collar and he said, "No pressure, sweetheart. Just enjoy."

"You sure...know how...to spoil a girl...Captain Vakarian," she gasped as he slid against her again and then halted, waiting just outside her entrance. She cried out, a sound of frustration and want, as she moved against him and he chuckled.

"Who knew you'd be so eager, Commander?" he teased.

"I want you, Garrus," she said, need churning in her belly. "God, I want you."

"Don't know that I've ever been called a god before," he mused.

Of all the things she'd imagined him to be at this time, playful was not one of them. His teasing was a sweet torment that she might have enjoyed more if the tiny, pulsing thrusts he was making weren't driving her insane. She brought a hand down to his waist and another up to the spot under his fringe that made his eyes roll back and he obliged by sliding fully into her. She could feel every ridge and ripple of him as he stretched her. She wiggled to adjust around him and he withdrew slightly before sliding into her again. He seemed perfectly content to remain there, linked to her, as she adjusted to this new onslaught of sensation.

She'd been expecting hard and fast from him but the agonizingly slow, heartbreakingly tender rhythm he chose tugged on her heart and a surge of emotion filled her as he laid his forehead against hers and loved her thoroughly. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her fingers dipped between the ridge of plates down his spine as she met his movements with her own and said his name like a prayer.

Garrus' heart swelled as he looked down into the eyes of his lover. She looked up at him like he was her entire world and everything in it. He'd never been with a human before and had never made love with anyone but there was no doubt in his mind that that was what they were doing now. He was astounded and humbled by the trust she was placing in him. She held him with her entire body and he could feel her complete openness to him. He could do anything to her right now. What he did was lower his head and kiss her. Kissing still felt strange but he liked it, especially when her soft little tongue met his.

She felt amazing. He'd never imagined that someone so soft and small could feel so right. The way she responded to even the slightest movement on his part made him feel powerful. He'd thought she was beautiful even before the procedure but she had never been more beautiful than she was now, open and vulnerable and trusting. He wondered vaguely what he had ever seen in Nyxis or Nyreen or any of the others. They were shallow flings, touching his body while bypassing his heart. What he found when both were in play was a fulfillment beyond his wildest dreams and he recognized as if from a distance that his little human had ruined him for all others.

Her breaths became more shallow and she started to strain against him as the heat rose within her and he responded in kind, making his strokes deeper, taking himself in to the hilt, sheathing himself completely within her. She was tight and soft and slick and he couldn't get enough of her. He felt her muscles tighten around him as her body tensed and she began to call his name in gasping sobs. He watched in fascination as she fell apart around him.

Only when she had found her completion did he begin to seek his. He moved more strongly within her, speeding his pace as the warm desire in his veins pooled and heated until he was burning with need for her. He was glad he'd dulled his talons because he couldn't stop them from kneading into her flesh. To his surprise, she kept up with him, rising to meet him and milking him with her internal muscles. He buried his face in her hair and breathed deeply of her before groaning, "I need you, Shepard."

"I'm here," she said, running her fingers across the underside of his fringe and sending a spear of pleasure through him. "Let go. I'll catch you."

Her soft reassurance undid him and he gave in with a harsh groan, withdrawing almost completely to slam into her again and again. She cried out and arched against him and he felt her sharp little nails bite into his neck. He grazed her shoulder with his teeth as he rode her and she rolled her hips to meet his sharp thrusts. Her back arched and he felt her soft breasts rub against his chest. The sounds she made were needy and almost feral and they called out to him to claim her, to mark her, to make her his own in action as well as in name.

She used his hips for leverage as she bucked and writhed and her nails scraped over his back. If she had talons, she'd have ripped him open. He hadn't expected this wildness from her and it excited him. He liked the desperate way his name fell from her lips, liked the sharp gasps she made as his talons dragged over her back, liked the sensation of her flat teeth burying themselves in his neck as she instinctively attempted to mark him as he wanted to do with her. He pressed his teeth against her shoulder, just enough to hold but not to pierce and she cried out, "Oh, god, Garrus, I need...I need..."

"Do you want me to bite you?" he growled.

"Yes...no...I don't know," she gasped, pushing her shoulder into him.

"Shepard, I only have so much control," he warned.

"Garrus! Stop treating me like I'm made of glass and fuck me!"

With a snarled, "Mine," he sank his teeth into her shoulder and drove into her, claiming her and fucking her like a turian. His talons dug into her ass and she turned her head to bite his neck. He licked up the hot liquid on her shoulder and her head fell back. She shouted his name as her body tensed. Her tight convulsions around him sparked his own release and he bit back a roar as he pulsed and spilled into her. He drooped his forehead onto hers and said, "Fuck, Shepard."

"That bad, huh?" she asked.

"Awful," he teased breathlessly. "Terrible. So bad, in fact, I'm going to have to insist on being the only one you ever subject to it. For the good of the galaxy, you know."

"Oh, well, isn't that noble of you?" she said, wrapping her arms around him.

"Just doing my civic duty," he responded.

"You're such a good turian citizen," she said.

"No," he disagreed. "I am definitely a very bad turian."

"No biscuit for you, then."

"What?" he asked.

"Human joke. So why are you a bad turian?" she asked.

 _Because I think I love you_ , he thought. Aloud, he said, "Exhibit A," and gestured to her mussed state. He kissed the bite mark on her shoulder.

"Oh? Well I think you're a very good turian," she purred.

He stroked her hair back from her face and said seriously, "That got a little heavier than I'd intended. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "It was intense but it was you. You are the one good thing that has happened to me in five years. You wanted to bite, not because you wanted to hurt me but because that's a part of how you communicate that goes deeper than words. I get that. As you may or may not have noticed, I ended up trying to mark you, too."

He looked at her in surprise. "You know about marking?"

"I told you Sparatus tried to make me more turian. He made sure I knew at least some of your culture."

"You know what that says, then," he said and she nodded. At least a part of her, perhaps just a very small part but a part just the same, wanted to claim him. That meant a part of her was willing to stay with him. "Shepard, that's a serious thing."

"I know," she said, looking away. "For a human to mark a turian..."

"This isn't about that," he said quickly. "This is about us. Honey, turians mate for life. You can't make a promise like that. I swore to get you home."

"You did? When?"

"When you were sedated. You deserve better than this. You deserve freedom and a man who can marry you and claim you openly. You deserve the right to choose your own fate," he said. _And I care about you too much to take that from you._

"You say I deserve to choose in the same breath that you take my choice away," she pointed out.

He nuzzled her hair and whispered, "Then run away with me."

"I can't do that! I can't let you do that," she said vehemently. "You have a family, friends, a crew, a career, a life. You'd lose your place in the Hierarchy. You could never go back. That would destroy your mother and sister."

He remembered something Titus had mentioned from one of those plays that Shepard had turned him onto. Something about star-crossed lovers. He understood now what it meant. He loved her too much to keep her and she loved him too much to take him away. "Then just let me love you while we're together."

Her touch and her voice were both infinitely gentle and sad as she said, "I can do that."


	8. Chapter 8

She hated vorcha. The filthy creatures were stupid beasts made up of spikes and teeth. They had no discernible culture, no values, and lived only to kill people smarter and better than they were. If it were up to her, she'd just wipe out the lot of them and be done with it. Nothing good ever came of vorcha. She didn't view krogan as much better. They were slightly more intelligent but just as bloodthirsty. She understood why the turians and salarians had supported the genophage. Blood Pack were her least favorite group to go up against. They were, however, her favorite group outside of slavers to kill. Mercy, always in short supply with her when dealing with enemies, was nonexistent for them where she was concerned. They had none. She had none. A fight with Blood Pack meant death. It was a death she was more than happy to provide. A Blood Pack group had decided to hit a small colony on Carthaan made up primarily of people far enough removed from the Hierarchy to be full civilians. Women and children made up the majority of the citizenry. The krogan who led the band apparently decided that slaughtering them would be partial payback for turian support in deploying the genophage. Shepard just thought it was cowardly.

Garrus was in a rare mood today. They'd continued their game since making love, only the rules had changed. Now, the winner got to choose whether to touch or be touched, where, and how. The loser had to submit or concede that the other was a better sniper. Garrus had something up his sleeve because he was pushing hard to win. The problem for him was that he had yet to let her use her mouth on him and she really wanted to. She couldn't honestly say that she had gotten over her fear of sex. The thought of having it with anyone else was nauseating. She had, however, gotten over her fear of it with him. His whispered confessions in the dark that first night had undone her. She loved him. That man could do anything he wanted with her and she no longer felt even the slightest flicker of fear. He was the best lover she'd ever had. He was generous and playful and serious and tender and rough and loving and creative and sometimes downright dirty and she ate it up.

He was openly affectionate outside of the bedroom, too. The team had started out jokingly referring to her as his girlfriend. They no longer treated it as a joke. It was clear to everyone on the ship that she owned him just as thoroughly as he owned her. To their credit, none of them seemed to care that she was human. They only cared that she made their captain happy. He was still reserved when they met up with other turians but outside of that she was treated as an equal by everyone on the _Euryale_. That attitude had already extended to Kaidan by virtue of Portia and it had grown to include Jack as well.

He'd given them more missions together, though he seemed to prefer to at least accompany her on the team even if he let her lead. She understood his reasoning. She didn't like it when he went out without her, either. They liked being there to watch each other's backs. She enjoyed getting to lead again and, while it was strange at first to be giving him orders when he allowed it, he made it fun. He was in charge for this mission as he knew how much she hated fighting against this particular mercenary group but was unwilling to stay behind. Besides, she liked watching him lead. He was confident and competent and he moved with a predatory grace that belied his size. There were times when she wished they could go to an arena and fight against holographic enemies just so she could jump him in the middle of the field.

 _Later_ , she told herself. If she knew him, and she did, he'd have her stripped and moaning before the elevator made it to their deck. Apparently, he found watching her in battle just as hot as she did him. Maybe she could get him to bend her over the desk and take her from behind again. After she'd sucked his dick, that is. She really wanted to taste him. He was turning her into a sex fiend.

"Dreaming about me, Shepard?" he asked, bending over her to lick behind her ear. "You know, the faster we kill these guys, the faster I get to have my way with you."

Serafina cleared her throat and said, "Uh, Captain, your comm line may be muted but hers is open. And, uh, not meaning to be insubordinate but aren't you the one who chewed my ass a few months ago for being distracted on the battlefield?"

Shepard took her shot and Garrus said, "While you were worrying about whether or not we were paying attention, Shepard just saved your ass from a vorcha with a flamethrower. And, I'll have you know, my kill count is still higher than all of you and I know exactly where everyone is. It's called multi-tasking."

"Multi-tasking, huh?" Shepard asked, throwing a warp and a fireball at a krogan. He'd started letting her wear her amp almost constantly after seeing her use her biotics in a fight and then experiencing what she could do to his body with microscopic throw fields.

"Exactly," he said, taking out another vorcha. It was enough, however, to turn their focus entirely to the mission. He kept up their running kill count but aside from that the time for flirting was over. They were getting to the heart of the base now and the Blood Pack was throwing everything they had at them. The team pushed forward hard. She moved to a new point of cover and zigged when she should have zagged. A krogan shotgun slug was the reward for her efforts. Garrus shouted her name as he put a bullet through the krogan's thick skull and she assured him she was all right. It had just knocked the wind out of her. Those shotguns packed a punch.

The enemies grew thicker and more aggressive in their attacks. Fortunately, that also made them sloppy. Another krogan charged Titus and she threw it back while Titus blasted it. Nihlus took out a pair of vorcha with his assault rifle and Sera's drone buzzed around shooting powerful jolts of electricity that killed the vorcha outright and stunned the krogan while Sera used her own shotgun on them.

She had to admire the way that Garrus kept track of such a large and varied team. She preferred a smaller one when she led but could see the benefits of both. It just came down to a difference in style. Generally, she led stealth missions while he led open ones. It worked for them. He directed his team through hand signals and voice and always knew where everyone was and what they were doing even when he didn't have a direct line of sight. He knew his team.

They moved into the heart of the facility where they found themselves at a distinct disadvantage. They were on the lower floor and the room was lousy with catwalks and balconies. Snipers were virtually useless from below so they swapped weapons. Garrus changed to his assault rifle while Shepard used her pistol and biotic and tech attacks. She cloaked and ran up the stairs, finding cover behind a crate from which to clear the catwalk ahead. She lifted vorcha with a singularity and shot them in the air before throwing a krogan off the side.

Garrus took her position while she cloaked again and moved to do the same thing on the bisecting balcony. There was no real cover here, so she let Garrus watch her back while she used the balcony wall to shield her. She cleared it and more of the team moved up. She could see one of Sera's drones floating across the way. It zapped and she heard a vorcha hiss out a scream before the drone moved on to a krogan. She took out the krogan while Garrus moved up to her current position and then she cloaked again. Most of the team was on the catwalks or balcony now, which leveled the playing field a bit but there were more enemies pouring in through the door. Nihlus and Demetrius laid down covering fire while Sera deployed a new drone and Titus covered her. Garrus and Shepard focused on continuing to clear the catwalks.

She underestimated the vorcha. That was the only thing she could think of to explain what happened next. She turned her back on the spot where the drone had dropped it to engage a krogan. The krogan charged and she threw it back off of the catwalk. As she was watching it fall, but before her amp had time to recharge, the vorcha behind her stood up. She turned, taking in the sight of Garrus on his feet, firing down at the krogan she'd thrown. She raised her pistol and fired on the vorcha as his claw-like finger tightened on the trigger of his rocket launcher. He went down for the final time but not before the rocket left the launcher. She shouted a warning and tried to throw out a barrier to wrap around Garrus but she knew as it left her body that it wasn't enough.

Garrus turned at the sound of his name and tried to throw himself out of the way but it was too late. The rocket hit him in the center of his chest. She was already running for him and threw her arms up to shield her face but didn't stop until she'd reached him. He wasn't moving. She shouted his name and he didn't respond. "Garrus is down! Garrus is down!" she shouted. "Clear this room now! Titus, get to my location. _Euryale_ , Garrus is injured. We're returning to the ship. Have Portia and Alenko on standby. He needs immediate medical attention for a rocket to the chest."

She fought back her rising panic and heard the click of her amp recharging as Nihlus called out a warning. The enemy had scented blood and converged. She spun around and crouched over Garrus as she threw her hands out, sending out the strongest flare she could manage. The blue wave rolled out from her with such force that the entire group of them went down and did not get up. She smelled ozone and pain lanced through her head.

Titus ran up and knelt beside Garrus. "This is bad, Shepard," he said. "He won't make it unless we get to the ship fast."

"My amp is fried," she said. "Nihlus, take point. Titus, take Garrus. Sera, Demetrius, you're with Titus. I'll cover our exit." Garrus gasped in a ragged, pained breath and his eye rolled until it locked on her. She stroked a hand over his fringe and said, "Just hold on, honey. We've got you. Stay with me, baby."

There was no hesitation or argument about who was in charge. They exploded into action, following her commands without question. Titus lifted Garrus into his arms and they formed up and ran back the way they'd come. Her head pounded and her vision blurred, making her sniper rifle useless. She kept her pistol and her omni-tool at the ready as she followed the team, covering their backs as well as she could.

The trip through the base seemed interminable even with their path clear. Had it taken this long to get here? she wondered. Only a short time ago, she'd been looking forward to their return to the ship with anticipation. Now her only thought was to keep him alive until they could get him back for medical treatment. He couldn't die on her. He had to survive. The thought of what would happen to her if he didn't never crossed her mind. She wanted nothing to do with a world in which he wasn't safe and happy.

They reached the ship and she ran with the doctor into the med bay and stood shaking as Portia stripped off his shattered armor. Titus said something to Kaidan and he came over to her and led her to another table. She didn't ask what he was doing as he popped the ruined amp out and injected her with something. Her headache receded but she noticed it only peripherally. Her entire focus was on Garrus.

Titus said, "We all thought the damn vorcha was down. Sera's drone had hit it. It always kills them outright but, for some reason, this one didn't. Shepard and Garrus were focusing on a krogan when the vorcha popped up. I saw her try to throw out a barrier but she'd just thrown a krogan and I guess she just didn't have enough juice built back up. The rocket caught him square in the chest. Shepard ran over to him and all of the Blood Pack came after them. There had to be a dozen krogan charging and another half dozen vorcha with flame throwers. I was sure they were dead but she turned and threw out this biotic wave like nothing I've ever seen. Maybe an asari matriarch could have done it. Maybe. But whatever it was, it took out the whole damn lot of them."

Kaidan's head snapped up. "You can flare?" he asked.

"Legacy of a misspent youth," she answered absently, watching Portia working quickly but calmly. A bag of blue fluid hung above his head, streaming what she assumed to be blood into him. His skin was charred and his chest moved oddly as he breathed. "An asari on Omega taught me. He's going to make it, right?"

"I won't lie to you, Shepard. It isn't good. He's broken two plates and lost a lot of blood. We need to get him back to Palaven. I can only do so much here for injuries of this magnitude. I need a hospital."

Nihlus said into the comm, "Albion, we need to set a course for Palaven immediately. Cipitrine."

"But you were able to essentially rebuild me right here," Kate protested.

Kaidan said, "Different physiology. Humans are among the easiest species to treat. Turians are different. A broken plate is about the worst injury they can receive. It's life-threatening. Their bones are like a bird. Not hollow like most people think but part of their respiratory system. They have lungs but they quite literally breathe through their bones. It's like a pelvic fracture combined with a punctured lung. He's in danger of drowning in his own blood within the bone and he's broken two. He...he might not make it, Commander."

She stood and pointed at Kaidan furiously, "Keep him alive, soldier. I don't care what it takes. That's an order!"

Nihlus said, "If someone had told me that first day that you'd be giving orders on our ship like a turian general, I'd have laughed in their face. I wish he could see this."

Portia said, "Kaidan would do the same if it were me. We'll do our best, Shepard, but right now I need everybody out so I can work."

Nihlus took her by the arm and steered her out of the med bay. The shutters were closed and she began to pace frantically, ignoring the crowd gathered around. "What if he doesn't make it?" she asked despairingly, shoving her hands through her hair.

Nihlus said, "If something...happens to him, he's given me orders to take you back to Shanxi."

She stopped and stared at him blankly. "That's not--I didn't--you think I'm worried about myself?" she demanded. "I love him, Nihlus! Fuck Shanxi! Fuck the Alliance! I was on the Citadel for two goddamn years. I saw people I knew there. Not once did the Alliance try to get me back. They gave up on me! I don't give a shit about them! The only thing I care about in this galaxy is in there lying on a table fighting for his life and you think I'm worried about me? Screw you."

He chuckled reluctantly. "You've been spending too much time around Jack."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just..."

"You're worried about your mate," he said. "I get that. We all do. But there is something we need to talk about. We'll be at Palaven in a few hours. He's out of commission. His paperwork transfers you to Solana in those circumstances but if she isn't available, it's me. Until she gets there, you're with me. For your own safety, you can't pull the shit you're able to get away with here."

She hadn't thought of that. It was time to go back to being Shepard the slave. "Do you know where he put my collar?"

"There's a compartment at the head of the bed," Nihlus said. "Come on. I'll show you."

She followed him up to the cabin and he knelt down and pressed a spot on the base of the bed by the head and a drawer slid out. Inside were photographs, a datapad, a pistol, and her collars. She took the metal one and clasped it around her neck. It felt strange as she'd only worn it once and she wasn't used to any at all but it seemed right. Nihlus said, "You know you can't take that one off by yourself, right?"

"That's the point," she said as she put the leather one in her shore bag with her armor and the rest of her clothing. He sat and watched while she packed Garrus' bag as well.

"How do you do it?" he asked. "How do you transition so calmly back into that when you've basically been free on this ship for months?"

She folded a tunic and smoothed her hand across it before speaking. "I'd wear this damn collar and bow and scrape for the rest of my life if it meant I got to stay with him."

"You know he isn't going to keep you, right?" Nihlus asked. "He's bound and determined to take you home. He feels honor-bound to set you free. He'll never fully believe you're with him by choice."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," he said.

"Do you care about Jack?" she asked.

He said, "If you mean do I care about her like Garrus does you or Portia does Alenko, the answer is no. I like her. I care what happens to her. I won't hurt her. But she doesn't want love from me any more than I do from her."

"Is it common for owners and slaves to develop feelings for each other?" she asked. "I haven't exactly been exposed to normal turians."

"No. It's not unheard of but it isn't common. There is nowhere in the galaxy that recognizes the relationship. The Hierarchy doesn't acknowledge that it's even possible. The Council ignores it. I don't know how the Alliance would view it."

"Treason," she answered. "I knew a woman once. She had a turian lover. When the Alliance found out, they stuck her in a psych facility and when they couldn't get her to renounce her feelings for him, they executed her as a traitor for sleeping with the enemy."

Nihlus gaped at her. "They killed her? For something she couldn't control?"

"Humans don't mate like turians," she explained. "It isn't instinctive. Some humans can fall in and out of love like it's nothing. Some can love more than one person in their lifetime. Others love once and that's it for them. My grandmother died when my mom was little and my grandfather loved her until the day he died seventy years later. He spent almost his entire life alone."

"And you think that's going to happen to you," Nihlus guessed.

"Bingo. And I don't want Garrus to go through it, either."

"The war won't last forever," Nihlus said.

"We've been saying that my entire life," she said, closing Garrus' shore bags and putting them beside hers.

There was nothing he could say to that so he helped her carry the bags down to the crew deck. Kaidan came out of the med bay and said, "Good. I was coming to find you. He's fighting the sedation. Portia wants to see if you can calm him down."

She followed Kaidan into the med bay. Portia had done what she could and her turian was wrapped and bandaged from the waist up. Another bandage covered his face where his mandible had taken some shrapnel. He was groaning. She went to him and said, "What do I do?"

Portia said, "Talk to him, touch him, let him smell you. We seek our mates when we're injured."

Shepard nodded and laid her hand over the top of his fringe. "I'm here, Garrus. You're going to be okay. Calm down and let the medicine work. I'll be right here." She laid her forehead against his and he took a shuddering breath and then relaxed. She stayed like that, talking softly, until they reached Palaven.

Portia let Shepard, Nihlus, and Jack accompany them to the hospital but sent them into the waiting area while she rushed him into surgery. Shepard said, "I need to tell his family."

"They're on their way," Nihlus told her. "I took care of it."

She paced as they waited, jumping every time the doors to the back opened. Nihlus sat stretched out in a chair with Jack propped up against his legs on the floor. When the main doors opened and she saw the Vakarians rush in, she went to them. Solana gasped at the sight of her and tentatively drew her in for a hug. Shepard returned it freely. "How is he? How bad is it? What happened?" Sol asked without letting her go.

Shepard explained and Castis said, "Why were you present on one of my son's missions and why were you able to use biotics at all? Accompanying him on the ship is one thing. Joining him in combat is another thing entirely."

Nihlus answered for her. "Because she's proven herself to be a loyal and capable soldier. She saved our asses on more than one occasion and one time saved the entire ship and crew and sacrificed a chance for freedom in the process. With all due respect, sir, you weren't there. Your son would have come home in a box if she hadn't been with us."

Sol said, "You look so different! I almost didn't recognize you. Military life, even if it is our military, agrees with you. And, spirits, I just realized you're talking! You two have been very, very bad at keeping us updated while you've been gone."

Nihlus said affectionately, "Yeah, she talks. The problem now is getting her to shut up."

"I'm not that bad, uh, sir" Shepard protested.

Lavinia said, "I imagine that after two years of silence, she's had a lot of catching up to do. Welcome home, dear. Thank you for bringing my son back to me."

Solana whispered, "She's having a lucid day. I'm not sure if that's a good thing under the circumstances or not."

"Lucid?" Shepard whispered back.

"He didn't tell you?" Sol asked and then drew her off to the side while Nihlus spoke to Castis. "Mom was diagnosed with Corpalis Syndrome. It's a rare neurological disorder. There's no cure, but early diagnosis and treatment help. Good catch, by the way. Garrus told Dad you'd noticed her acting strangely and we started watching her. The doctors are confident they can slow the effects but, so far, the treatment hasn't been working all that well. She has more good days than bad ones but on a bad one she has to have constant supervision."

So much had happened since they left that she'd all but forgotten Lavinia's strange behavior and Garrus hadn't mentioned it. She wondered why but said, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll help however I can. Can turians use a graybox?"

"I've never even heard of that," Solana said.

Shepard explained, "Humans developed them to help treat Alzheimer's patients. It captures memories and displays them when they can't remember on their own. I guess they haven't made it to Council space yet. Someone on the Citadel might be able to help you get one. The salarians could probably figure out how to tune it for a turian brain."

"Kate, you're a genius!" Sol exclaimed. "Dad could talk to Sparatus. The asari or salarian Councilors might be able to find a way to order one. One of the salarian dalatrasses owes Garrus a favor. He saved her nephew a few years ago. He could request that she put STG to work on it. So, um, how were things on the ship? Were they good to you? Garrus didn't let anything happen to you, did he?"

"They were...great," Shepard said. "He is great."

"Oh, wow," Solana said. "Things have changed. You care about him, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do," Shepard said.

"It's hard not to. He's pretty wonderful. But don't tell him I said that."

Shepard grinned. "My lips are sealed."

"What?"

"Human expression," she explained.

She had to remind herself that humans weren't allowed on furniture in public. It made her feel like a dog but she didn't complain as she sank down beside Jack to lean up against Solana's chair. Sol reached out and ran her fingers through Shepard's hair. "It's gotten long," she commented.

When the doors finally opened to reveal Portia looking tired but pleased, they all jumped up. She held up her hands for quiet and said, "He came through surgery well. We had to use some cybernetics to repair the damage but he'll make a full recovery. Until the bones heal, he's going to be on bed rest for a week and then can take part in light physical activity. He can return to active duty in a couple of months. He hasn't woken up from the sedation yet but he will soon. You may go in and see him now."

Shepard had to fight the urge to push past the others in her rush to verify that he was alive. Once the family had seen him, Sol and Lavinia stepped aside to let her approach. He was groaning again and so she placed a hand on his fringe and the other on his uninjured mandible before laying her forehead against his. She heard surprised gasps but ignored them. His hand came up to circle her wrist and he nuzzled into her hand and groaned again. "What...happened?" he asked.

"Shh. Don't try to talk," she said softly. "You're all right now. I screwed up. I'm sorry, Garrus. I was watching that krogan and didn't check my six. I just assumed the vorcha was down. I should have looked. We were paying attention to the krogan and the vorcha got you with a rocket. I tried to put up a barrier but my amp wasn't charged. I shot him but he'd already pulled the trigger. You broke two plates in your chest and caught shrapnel in your face. I'm so sorry, honey. This is all my fault."

"Hey. Hey," he said. "No. I didn't...think...either. I was...leading. My fault. Should have...had breakfast."

She laughed tearily. "You know I keep ration bars on me. Next time you get hungry enough to try to eat a rocket, you just need to ask for some nutrigel."

"Where?" he asked.

"Palaven," she answered. "Portia couldn't fix you in the med bay. We brought you home. Your mom and dad and sister are gaping at us right now."

"Because you're so pretty," he said.

"Nah. We all know you're the one with the looks," she said and pressed her lips to his forehead. "I'm glad you're okay. I was scared out of my mind for you."

"Told...Nihlus..."

"I know what you told Nihlus and you can hush, too. I'm not going anywhere. That's not why I was worried and you know it," she scolded. She heard Castis rumble something and Lavinia and Sol laughed. Lavinia told him to be quiet.

"Shouldn't...get onto me...in front of...my parents," he said. "Looks bad. Besides...I'm injured. You should be...coddling me."

"You are going to be the most coddled turian on all of Palaven, Captain Vakarian," she promised. "Now, I need to get out of the way before your father throws me out the window for insubordination."

"Wouldn't...dare. You could...take him."

"No way. He's bigger than me."

"So was...the krogan."

"I didn't respect the krogan," she said.

"Good answer," he said as she straightened. He let her step back but didn't release her. He just shifted his grip so that he was holding her hand. "Mom. Dad. Sol."

Garrus was glad to see his family despite the pain he felt. He really was. But he was disappointed as well. Being home meant being circumspect. It meant that she had to play the role of slave around others. It meant that Commander Shepard had to go into hiding again. Judging by the displeased subvocals his father was making, he'd already revealed too much. He supposed it would be too much to hope that Dad would return to the Citadel and C-Sec with Mom sick and himself injured. They could be themselves around Mom and Sol. Dad was a different story. His family talked to him until he was fighting to keep his eyes open and Portia came to send them out. He didn't let go of Shepard and the doc didn't argue. She just brought a chair.


	9. Chapter 9

When Garrus woke again, he was more aware and they were alone. The pressure in his chest had eased slightly and he no longer felt like he was fighting to catch his breath. Shepard had her forehead on him again and he hummed happily. He could get used to waking up to that proclamation of love and devotion every morning. He nuzzled her soft hand and smiled as she leaned in further and kissed him, telling him of her feelings in her own language.

"Were you doing that in front of my parents earlier?" he asked. "Touching foreheads, I mean."

"Was I not supposed to?" she asked.

"It's okay," he said. "They just know a lot more about us now than I was ready to tell Dad." _Like the fact that I'm mated to a human and there's no way in hell I'm getting stuck for the rest of my life with some woman I don't love in a marriage for show just to please my father._

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Shepard, if you apologize one more time, I'm going to take you over my knee," he groaned.

"Promise?" she asked with a wicked smile and he was struck again by what a different woman she was now from the woman who'd left this planet with him only months before. Had he really done that? Had he truly healed her?

Portia released him from the hospital the following day. When he was settled in his room and they were alone, he pulled her to his side and said, "You know what the best thing about mandatory bed rest is?"

"You get waited on hand and foot?" she guessed.

"I get to spend all day every day for a week in bed with you," he answered.

"Oh, no, sir," she laughed. "No strenuous activity, remember?"

He pulled her in to kiss her deeply and smiled against her mouth when he heard her groan in spite of herself. His hand slipped between her legs to stroke her through her clothing and she rocked against him. "I hardly think touching my girl counts as strenuous," he said. "Strip. I want you naked."

"Yes, sir, Captain Vakarian, sir," she said. Her teasing tone was disrupted by her breathlessness. "God, you're sexy when you're bossy."

His eyes roved over her bare body and he said, "Good. Then straddle me and spread your legs. And, uh, I kind of like it when you call me sir in bed. Commanding officer sir not...you know."

"I might have picked up on that just a bit...sir," she said with a grin as she followed his orders. He smoothed his palms up her spread thighs and used his thumbs to part her folds so that he could see her slick, pink center. She bit her lip and watched him watching her as he stroked a finger across her and her hips moved, following him. He watched his finger disappear into her and emerge covered in her wetness before sliding in again. Her head fell back onto her shoulders and she leaned back to rest her hands on his thighs for support. She generally leaned forward when she was on top but he liked this. This position accentuated the tautness of her belly, the slimness of her waist, and made her ribs slightly visible and her deliciously soft breasts stick out.

"Why haven't I fucked you like this yet?" he asked as he slid slowly in and out of her, feeling her muscles grip his finger.

"I don't think you bend that way, sir," she gasped.

"I think I'm more flexible than you give me credit for," he said.

"You don't get to have reach and flexibility," she said. "I've gotta have something to keep your interest."

"You have nothing to worry about there, Shepard. Everything about you holds my interest," he said as he reached down to open his pants. His movement was limited but there was something enticing about the idea of just lying there and letting her handle it. He slipped his finger from her to palm his already straining erection. He rubbed the tip against her, pleased to see that it most certainly did bend that way, and groaned as she sank carefully onto him. Her insides seemed to draw him in and enveloped him in her heat. She moved slowly at first, mindful of his injuries, but picked up speed as he gripped her hips and guided her tempo. He held himself still and the lack of movement created a new kind of tension inside of him that had him gritting his teeth and digging his talons into her ass.

She moaned and clenched around him and her rhythm faltered for a moment as she found her pleasure but she didn't stop. As soon as she had regained control, she was riding him again. When she felt him strain against her, she reached down and stroked his waist. It was enough to break the tension and he slammed her down hard onto his cock as he spurted inside of her and she cried out his name and convulsed again.

He sighed deeply as the stress of the past days melted away and he pulled her into his side. She couldn't lay on his chest but she could curl up beside him and she did so now, pulling the blanket up to keep her warm. She pressed her lips against him and whispered something he couldn't make out but that made his heart kick all the same. He'd missed sleeping beside her. The only other time they hadn't slept in the same bed was after her procedure when she was in the med bay and, like she had done with him the night before, he'd slept in a chair beside her bed. He couldn't sleep well without her anymore.

The door opened and Solana walked in and stopped. "Spirits, Garrus! Already? What happened to bed rest?"

"I think we're feeling quite restful," he purred, nuzzling Shepard's hair.

"I would tell Kate she should have known better, but it's not like she can say no," Solana growled, unamused.

"Yes, she can," Garrus said.

"No, I can't," Shepard said.

"That's just because you find me irresistible," he murmured.

"It's that damn voice of yours," she said.

"Guys! I don't need to know these things!" Sol exclaimed.

"You did come into my room unannounced," Garrus pointed out.

"Because I haven't seen my brother in months and because Mom wanted me to ask what you wanted for dinner," she said.

"Shit," he said. "Shepard, did you remember to pack levo food?"

She groaned. "No. I was more concerned about getting you to the hospital."

"How long has it been since you've eaten?" he asked.

"Jack sent me something this morning while you were sleeping," she answered.

"Go into the city and get some food," he said.

"Are you sure it's a good idea for her to go alone?" Sol asked. "What if someone tries something?"

"She can handle herself," Garrus said.

"She's not allowed to fight back," his sister reminded him.

"She is if she's under orders from me," he said. He called up her omni-tool and said, "I'm sorry, baby," before recording, "This slave is under orders to protect her owner's property--including herself--by any means necessary. Please refer any complaints to Garrus Vakarian." He then transferred credits to her to cover it but she sent them back, reminding him that he paid her for her work on his ship and she had her own money. Sol looked surprised but pleased and he conceded. She'd lost most of the freedoms she'd enjoyed on his ship by coming back here. She needed some form of independence for herself.

Shepard reluctantly climbed out of bed and dressed herself in her exo-suit. She stopped by the library to inform Castis that Garrus was sending her into the city for food and ask if he needed her to pick anything up while she was out. He still hadn't gotten used to her speaking and especially to him but after only a moment he provided her with a short list of things he had been planning to pick up himself. Lavinia did the same as they were short on some of Garrus' favorite foods.

He'd authorized her use of the skycar and she put in the location of the store where she could acquire Castis' supplies. She would save the food for last. Fresh foods didn't last long in a skycar under the hot Palaven sun and there was no point in paying for delivery when she was driving back anyway. The car was smooth and sporty and she found herself smiling as she activated the music on her omni-tool and sang along. She was alone, she realized, completely and utterly alone without being restrained for the first time that she could remember. She could choose where she went. She could choose the order in which she went. She could choose how long to take. She could sing at the top of her lungs and dance in her seat. It was fun. She'd forgotten just how much she used to enjoy driving by herself with her music up and the windows down, though there wasn't any point to the latter on Palaven. It didn't matter. She was, for the moment, free. Garrus had let her go, trusting her to return not because she had to but because she wanted to. Hell, she could probably request authorization to board an asari ship to the Citadel and from there find an Alliance transport back to Earth or Shanxi and he'd let her do it.

She didn't want to. She wanted to drive to the store by herself and shop by herself and drive home by herself and unload the groceries and return to his arms like a normal, everyday couple. It was downright domestic going to the store and picking out his favorite foods and bringing them home so she could spoil and take care of her injured mate. She'd never before considered wanting to be a wife but she did for him. She could easily imagine a lifetime of fighting beside him, sleeping beside him, caring for each other through illness and injury, and guarding the other's back as they grew old together.

Her good mood lasted through the shop where she purchased Castis' supplies for his model-making hobby. The clerk knew Castis and recognized the crest on her collar. She added a new product to the bag that she said she wanted him to try for her and asked that he let her know if it was satisfactory. Shepard promised to pass the word. It lasted through the levo shop where she bought her groceries even though the quality wasn't as good as at the dextro shops and the clerk treated her with mild disdain. It even lasted through the dirty looks she got as she walked into the dextro store, the muttered comments about human hands on their food products that made her feel vaguely grubby, and the long wait in line to pay where she kept getting pushed behind turians who were served before slaves.

It started to falter when one female shoved her to the side and called her a filthy whore but she ignored the insult as she'd been called worse. It did falter when the male behind the counter suggested that she come into the back with him and save her owner some credits. The idea of anyone but Garrus putting their hands on her made her sick. When she declined and passed him her credit chit, he grabbed her wrist and told her she really didn't need it. Nausea roiled slick and oily in her gut and she choked it down. The turians shopping around her laughed and jeered. She would find no help there.

When she pulled up her omni-tool and played Garrus' recorded warning, the shopkeeper leered again and said, "I'm not going to hurt you. I don't think he'll object to us having a little fun and saving him some money. And these nice people won't mind waiting a few minutes, will they?" That got another round of laughter.

She pulled her hand away and said, "Just ring it up."

The look on her face must have convinced him because he said, "Okay, okay. Your loss."

She made it out of the store and into an alleyway before she ripped off her helmet and lost what little was left of her breakfast. She tried to control her shaking and breathed deeply before replacing the helmet and returning to the car. All she could think of now was getting back to the haven of the Vakarian estate and Garrus' arms where he could help her forget the man's sickening touch.

She had almost made it when she heard someone call out, "You there! Human!" She turned to see a refined-looking man walking toward her and tensed, preparing herself for a fight. Well-dressed did not mean he wasn't up to something. He said, "You belong to the Vakarians, right?"

"Yes, sir," she said cautiously.

"I would appreciate it if you would be so kind as to pass along a message to Castis for me."

She relaxed and said, "I would be glad to."

"Please tell him that my daughter, Livia Aurelius, accepts his invitation to dinner next week and sends her best wishes to Garrus for a speedy recovery," he said. "Our family is honored by the request and her mother and I hope that the two will make a suitable match."

 _No_ , she thought. _No. No. No. You silly fool, dreaming about marriage to a man who can never be yours. You let yourself forget that he owns you and you knew it would hurt. Time to pay the piper, Shepard._ But all she said was, "I will let him know, sir."

He nodded and she fled to the car. There was no music on her drive back. There was only pain. Castis was still determined to marry Garrus off and, if he was scheduling dinner dates for him for the moment he was released from bed rest, then he had decided it was time to push. She understood now why Garrus had been troubled by his father seeing the truth of their relationship. And what truth was that? she wondered. She knew he cared for her. He'd all but said he loved her but he'd also been clear that it was temporary and only until he could get her to Shanxi since that was the only place that turians and humans were close enough together for him to take her without his ship getting shot down.

He couldn't love her if he planned to send her away. He wouldn't willingly spend the rest of his life loving someone he'd never see again. He liked her company, enjoyed her body, trusted her in a firefight, but he didn't love her. He wanted to keep her for a while and would send her away when he tired of her. At least he cared enough to set her free when he was done with her instead of sending her back to auction or selling her to someone else.

The butler, Alexander, helped her unload the car and carry her purchases in. He even offered to unpack the groceries and she let him, going instead to the library to deliver Castis' things. She explained about the shopkeeper and tried to keep the pain from her voice as she passed on Aurelius' message. Castis stopped her before she could leave and said, not unkindly, "You are unhappy about this. It is not personal, Shepard. I appreciate your attentiveness to my wife that allowed us to determine her condition in the early stages. I am grateful to you for being honorable enough to refuse to sacrifice my son for your own freedom. However, Garrus has a duty to this family and to his clan as a whole. You know enough about turian culture to understand that the needs of the community outweigh the desires or even needs of the individual.  
"You are not turian. You can never be anything more than what you are to him and should be grateful to have even that much. So you may warm his bed, fight by his side, share his confidences, and make him happy. You may even be a friend to my daughter and care for my wife as a substitute for the mother you have lost because, for reasons unbeknownst to me, he has chosen you for his mate and I will respect that. But you will never be his wife. The sooner that you can accept that, the more content you will be able to be in your role. Now, you may go."

Garrus and Sol looked up as Shepard entered the room. He started to smile when he saw her but then noticed the look in her eyes. Behind the fake smile she had plastered onto her face he saw the same bleakness that had been there before they had left Palaven and his heart sank. He searched the parts of her body that he could see for marks before remembering that, aside from bruising, marks no longer lasted for long on her. Even without physical evidence he could see that someone had done or said something to her that had upset her.

Sol saw it, too. "Kate, what happened?" she asked.

"Nothing," Shepard said as she stripped out of her exo-suit. "It just took longer than I expected because I offered to pick some things up for your parents and had to wait for the line at the dextro shop to end so I could pay. Turians get to cut in line, you know. I meant to send a message but ended up getting run into every time I pulled up my omni-tool. I gave up and figured you'd have messaged if you were worried. You can track me, so you knew where I was anyway."

She was rambling and wouldn't meet his eyes. Shepard never rambled. She was lying. "Out, Sol," he said, his undertones warning her not to argue. When his sister left the room, he gestured for Shepard to come to him. She did but, rather than curl into him as she normally did, she lay listlessly in his arms and stared at the ceiling. "All right. What really happened?"

"I just...got reminded of what I am," she said dully.

"Did someone hurt you?" he asked.

"No. Well, the dextro shopkeeper tried to pull me into the back to discuss alternate forms of payment but I made it clear I wasn't interested. Didn't even have to use violence." Her attempt at humor fell flat.

"He touched you?" Garrus demanded. She nodded and gestured to her wrist. Garrus took it in his hand and brought it up to his lips, determined to erase the memory from her mind. She sighed and rubbed her forehead against his shoulder. "Talk to me, Shepard."

"You have a date," she said miserably. "Next week. Livia Aurelius. Do you know her? That sounds like a good, strong turian name."

"I know her father," he said. "I don't know why you're upset. I told you already that I won't settle for less than what my parents have. It's an inconvenience and a formality. She'll come, we'll eat, I'll politely decline, and she won't come back."

"As your father so kindly reminded me, you have a duty to your family and your clan and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the individual. You can't be Portia and just live on starships with me and never marry," she said.

Garrus said firmly, "I will not saddle myself for the rest of my life with a woman I don't love, Shepard. He can't force me to get married. We may be expected to do it, we can be pushed toward it, but we can't be forced or coerced. He can try to make me feel guilty but he can't strip my rank, he can't deny me my inheritance, and he can't disown me for refusing to get married."

"He could say it was for other reasons," she said.

"No, he can't," he said. "That would be dishonest. Don't you see, Shepard? He's trapped by his own sense of honor. If I want to live on starships with you and never marry then he can't do a damn thing about it and if he wants to have any kind of relationship with me then he's going to have to accept that."

"I don't want you jeopardizing your relationship with your father because of me," she said.

"Honey, this was an issue long before I met you," he assured her, lightly rubbing her back. "I've brought one woman, Nyreen Kandros, home with me to meet my family. Good sex, decent clan, I liked her. Dad didn't approve of her family and that was the end of that. I swore after that I wouldn't waste my time trying to find someone who fit somebody else's mold. You fit, Shepard. I'm happy. You were happy until you started worrying about this. Stop worrying and just be happy with me."

"I love you, Garrus," she whispered and his heart skipped a beat.

He wanted to say it back to her, but he couldn't lay that burden on her. If she knew the depth of his feelings for her she wouldn't leave and he couldn't keep her caged. He couldn't ask her to subject herself to mistreatment every time she left his home. He couldn't do that to her. So he said possibly the worst thing he could have said and felt her withdraw even further. "I know."


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard dreaded the day that Garrus was released from bed rest though she knew it was driving him crazy to be so restricted. Despite his reassurances, she knew that the dinner would be miserable. He gave her the option to skip it but wondering and not knowing would be worse than being there and seeing it for herself so she elected to stay. She resumed taking her meals before the family but, rather than stand along the wall as she had before, Garrus insisted that she sit on a cushion beside him since Castis still wouldn't hear of having her actually sit at the table.

When his father was around, she sat at his feet. She didn't particularly mind it most of the time as it meant having his hand in her hair and being able to lean up against his legs. But on this occasion, it meant she couldn't see what was happening. Still, she didn't complain because he kept his hand on her as he ate and his touch was tender and reassuring. When the meal was over, he thanked Livia for coming, declined her offer for a meal with her family, and dragged Shepard to his room where he buried himself in her and made her scream his name.

Another woman came the next night and another the night after that. Garrus began to get frustrated and, when Castis refused to rescind the invitations, creative. One night, he turned the topic to his military service and began to describe to the timid schoolteacher in detail many of his kills, paying special attention to the way it looked through his scope when he got a headshot. If turians could turn green, Shepard thought the woman would have. Lavinia was having a particularly bad night and asked Shepard to sit beside her to help her with her meal after she dropped her spoon and splattered the schoolteacher with kava root soup. Shepard felt vaguely sorry for the woman but couldn't stop herself from snickering at his wicked grin once they were alone.

With the next, he spent hours in bed with Shepard before dinner and dressed without showering. She was a bit embarrassed that he had her do so as well but at the same time liked the idea that they had marked each other and there would be no question for the woman about who she was to him. He spent the meal trailing his blunted talons down the sides and back of her neck and, in retaliation, she traced patterns against the sensitive skin behind his spurs. Lavinia who, on her confused days thought Shepard was Garrus' wife, asked repeatedly why his mate wasn't at the table with the rest of the family. The woman couldn't leave fast enough. He didn't even get an invitation from her and made no effort to hide his intent when he dragged Shepard from the room.

With the one after that, he spent the entire meal looking down at Shepard and barely saying a word to his guest. She could feel the rumble of his subharmonics but didn't know what it meant until the woman, this one more ballsy than the rest, stood and said, "I am unsure of the purpose of this invitation. I have no interest in becoming a trophy wife. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Vakarian. I won't waste any more of your time."

When the woman turned to leave, Castis ordered Garrus into the library. As soon as the doors slid closed, Solana burst into laughter and even Lavinia smiled slightly, though she was having an off day and wasn't entirely sure why Solana was laughing. Shepard asked Sol, "What's so funny? I missed something there."

"He spent the entire meal humming with his subvocals about how much he loves and adores you and warning her that she could never take your place and essentially singing your praises," Solana said.

"I thought it was very sweet," Lavinia said. "He said that you were always there for him and that you meet all of his needs, that he wanted to raise his family with you and grow old with you, and that you were to him what I am to his father."

Shepard's heart clenched. She wished he'd meant it but she still remembered his response to her telling him she loved him. I know. The go-to phrase of men across the galaxy who received unwanted and unrequited declarations of love.

"He called that poor girl a broodmare, Mom!" Solana snickered.

"Did he?" Lavinia asked. Her voice rose as she said, "Well, that wasn't very polite, but she was trying to replace our Katarina."

"She thinks you're a funny-looking turian today," Solana whispered as the guest stormed past with her robe across her arm and the front door slammed shut.

Shepard's head turned as the sound of shouting came from the library. "Are they all right?" she asked.

"Yeah," Solana said dismissively. "I forget sometimes that you haven't always been here. You'd fit so well into our family if Dad could get past his prejudices and antiquated notions. Anyway, they do that sometimes. Garrus will come storming out in...about...now."

As if she truly had predicted it, Garrus did indeed storm through the doors. His head jerked and Shepard scrambled up to follow him. As soon as they were alone, he pushed her against the wall and began tugging at their pants while kissing her deeply. He pushed all of his anger and frustration into her and she accepted it, matching his intensity at first before turning soothing once he'd reached his peak. He kissed her softly then and brushed his thumb over the nub above the place where they were still connected and held her as she fell apart.

He carried her to the bed and tucked her into him before saying, "He has something under his crest. I don't know what it is but there's something. He wasn't nearly angry enough."

"That wasn't angry enough?" she asked.

"Were you able to hear what he was saying?" he asked.

"No. We could hear voices but not words."

"Then he wasn't angry enough. And he said that he expected tomorrow's guest to change my mind."

Ice pooled in her belly. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"I don't know and I don't like it. I feel like he's trying to take my free will away and, shit, you're the last person I have a right to complain about that to," he groaned, throwing his arm over his face.

She sat up and straddled him before pulling his arm away and slipping off his ever-present visor so that she could clearly see both of his beautiful blue eyes. He looked troubled and guilty and she pressed a kiss to his lips before laying her forehead against his. "I'm exactly the person you should complain about it to," she said. "I'm the one who understands how it feels not to have a choice in your future."

"And that's why I'm going to get you home, Shepard," he said softly.

"That's what I'm talking about, Garrus," she said. "Don't I get a choice in this? This is my future and you're deciding it."

"And you know what?" he snapped. "I'm allowed to do that because you're a fucking slave, Shepard!"

She drew back as if he'd slapped her. "All right then. May I be excused, sir?"

"Don't do that, Shepard," he said, stung. "That isn't how I meant that. I don't want to fight with you, too."

"With all due respect, sir, I can't look at you right now," she said shakily. She had managed to deal with the parade of women and even find some humor in it because he'd been with her and had made it so clear that he didn't want them but every one had been a reminder of what she couldn't be to him and they'd begun to wear on her. Going from almost complete freedom on the ship to this in his home and thinking of years and years of women being paraded before him had been difficult and stressful. She didn't and couldn't bring herself to believe that there wouldn't one day be the perfect turian woman for him who would make him forget her and mark the end of their time together.

Her only consolation had been that he hadn't treated her like a slave. He hadn't looked at her that way. He'd treated her like a lover or a girlfriend and that had made her situation tolerable. But to hear those words from him told her that, deep down, that was how he saw her. She wasn't a turian woman he could love. She was a human slave who was good enough to warm his bed and share his confidences and do everything a wife was supposed to until he found the real thing.

Without waiting for permission, she rolled out of the bed and strode from the room. She didn't know where to go. There was nowhere here that was hers, nowhere she could be granted privacy. She wanted to scream and rage and throw things. She wanted to cry. She wanted to flare everything around her and leave a path of destruction a blind volus could follow. But she had no space that belonged to her where she could wear her emotions openly.

Solana found her in the bathroom clawing at her neck and gasping like she couldn't breathe. "Kate! What's wrong?" she asked.

"Get it off!" Shepard shouted and Sol realized she was trying to pull the metal collar off of her neck. "Get it off!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Here, Garrus gave me the control for that one. Just let me find it. There!" There was a snick and then a clatter as Shepard threw the collar across the room and dragged in great gasping breaths.

"Sorry. I felt like I couldn't breathe," she said, leaning up against the counter with her head down. "I can't do this, Sol."

Solana took her by the arm and led her outside. They stretched out on the silver grass under the stars and, after a moment, Sol said, "Better?" Shepard nodded and Solana admitted, "I'm claustrophobic. That's why I'm not in the military anymore. I got trapped in a collapsed mine shaft and I freaked out every time I got into an enclosed space after that so they discharged me. When it kicks in, I come outside and look at the sky. It's a reminder that there's a lot of space out there."

Shepard said softly, "I want to be up there again. Things were so simple on the ship out among the stars. I forgot what I am and remembered who I was and that was the biggest mistake I could have made."

"What do you mean?" Sol asked, turning to look at her. Shepard looked...sad and deeply hurt.

"Everyone up there treated me like I belonged. I wasn't the human or the slave girl. I was just Shepard and he was just Garrus and I just happened to be serving on a turian ship with him. Hell, sometimes I even got to be Commander Shepard again. I led missions. I even led one with just the two other humans on board. I haven't worn a collar in months. I thought the heavy one would help me remember what I had to be when we came back and it did. Too well. I can never be what he needs. I need to go home, Sol. He said he'd take me back. I think it's time he did that. I need to get out of his life. He deserves better than to be forced to hide out on a starship so he can be with the slave girl who can never be his wife or give him children or have a family. He wants what your parents have but I can't give that to him. Part of what your parents have is the family. It's the whole package. He needs to be free to find that and I just...need to be free. I want to walk down a street without being sneered at or shop in a store and just get in line like everyone else. I want to book passage on a ship and go wherever I want without having to ask permission. I want to see Earth again."

"Tell me about Earth," Sol asked. She was troubled by the conversation. She didn't blame Shepard for wanting to leave but a part of her was hurt by it both for herself and her brother. She would be angry with the woman but her reasons weren't entirely selfish. She didn't know what it would do to Garrus to lose his mate. She thought it would be better for him. But if he'd told her he would take her home, then she knew better than to argue. Her brother was stubborn when he got an idea into his head.

Shepard sighed. "It's beautiful. I've seen planets all over the galaxy and have yet to see one like Earth. My people call Eden Prime a paradise but even it can't compare. It's green and blue and colorful. In the fall, the leaves on the trees turn all these different colors, yellow and red and orange and pink, until it feels like you're walking through a sunset on fire. And the sky is so blue it almost hurts your eyes. And the smell. Nothing compares to autumn on Earth. There are oceans there that stretch as far as the eye can see and beyond and the water ranges from so blue it's almost black to this brilliant turquoise so clear you feel like you can see for miles. And we have mountains kind of like the ones here but capped in snow."

"I've never been to a world where it snows," Sol said.

"It's cold, but it's beautiful and peaceful and quiet. And then in the spring the flowers bloom and it's just riots of color. Your mother would love Earth in the spring. There are flowers in every color you can imagine and there are even still some places where you can find whole fields of them. It's just...lovely and I miss it."

"I can't imagine knowing I could never see Palaven again. I'd be miserable. Garrus, too. He loves it here."

"I know," Shepard said. "And that's why I have to go. Oh, why couldn't we have just stayed up there? One stupid, rookie mistake and I almost got him killed and brought down my entire house of cards."

Solana said, "For what it's worth, I'm glad I got to know you. I don't like the reason, but I'm glad it happened. And...if it were possible, I'd be honored to call you my sister. So if you do go home and if the war ever ends and you decide you want to come back, even if it's just for a visit, I'll be here."

"Thank you, Sol. You know, you're the first friend I've made in five years. You aren't the only one anymore, but you were the first. You mean a lot to me. Your whole family does, even your father. I know he just wants the best for all of you. But...he's going to lose Garrus if he doesn't bend a little. I don't want to see that happen."

"I know. And he knows it, too." Sol wanted to warn her about what was coming. Dad was going to bend and if Garrus didn't bend with him, it was going to be disastrous. At least she could tell Dad that he didn't have to continue his plan to get rid of Shepard. He was already pulling strings to get Garrus sent to Shanxi in the hope that she'd either escape or be rescued or that she would hate Garrus so much for fighting her people that he'd just let her go. She hated keeping secrets from her brother but even her mother had warned her that Dad wasn't to be crossed in this.

"Stay out here as long as you like," Sol said. "I'll keep everyone off your back." She rose and went into the house. She couldn't tell Garrus about Dad's machinations but she could at least find out why Shepard looked so despondent.

He looked up hopefully when she came in and then sank his head back onto the pillow. "What do you want, Sol?" he asked.

"What did you say to her?" Solana asked.

"Why? What's going on?" he asked guiltily, sitting up. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"I found her having a panic attack in the bathroom digging furrows into her neck trying to get her collar off because she felt like it was choking her. I wonder if that's symbolic, hmm? She also said she can't do this anymore, she can't be what you need, she's being unfair to you, and she wants to go home. So what did you say to her?"

"Damn it, that's what we were fighting about! I want to take her home. She didn't want to go. She's been fighting me for weeks about it! Why didn't she just say that instead of running out of here?"

"What, exactly, did you say?" Sol asked coldly.

"I was complaining about Dad trying to take my free will and determine my future for me and she said that I was doing the same thing to her by insisting on letting her go. And I..." He sighed heavily and said, "I told her I was allowed to do that because she's a fucking slave. I didn't mean it the way she took it. I was trying to illustrate that the fact that I can do it is exactly why I need to free her. She left before I could explain. She looked like I hit her, Sol."

Solana sighed and sat down beside him. "You idiot," she said without heat. "Men are so stupid. She thinks you don't love her, you dumb ass. She thinks she's keeping you from finding what Mom and Dad have and I think a part of her thinks that one of these days someone's going to come through that door and you're going to forget all about her and then you'll take her home when you're done using her and are ready to throw her away."

"How could she think that?" he asked.

"Garrus, she's been given away and sold at auction three times in five years! And you go and tell her you're going to get rid of her? What else is she supposed to think? She thinks she's disposable! She has no clue and I'm willing to bet you haven't told her because you're stupid and think you're being noble. Has she told you how she feels about you? Because that girl is madly in love with you. Like sacrifice her happiness for yours in love with you just like you are with her and you're both being dumb asses and throwing away with both hands everything that people wish for their whole lives and only a few are ever lucky enough to get."

"She told me," he said sadly. "I screwed that one up, too."

"Oh, spirits, what did you say, Garrus?"

"'I know.'"

She slapped him on the shoulder like a proper little sister and said, "How can you be so stupid?! That's the worst thing you can say! You might as well have come right out and told her you didn't love her! That's what every guy says and I highly doubt human men are that different from turian ones. Though, who knows, maybe they're smarter. Maybe she'd be better off with a smart human man who can at least have the quad to tell her he loves her even if she can't love him back instead of a big dumb idiot like you. I swear, you and Dad are the most emotionally backward men I've ever met! It's a testament to Mom that I'm so well-adjusted."

"Maybe she would," he said. "Humans aren't like us. They can stop loving. Maybe she'll love someone else, someone who can marry her and give her a real family."

"That's the same thing she said about you, dummy. But she's not going to find anyone better in the whole damn galaxy and neither are you. Now go outside and look at the stars with her and tell her you love her and the two of you decide your fate together."

"I can't do that, Sol. You know why I have to let her go."

Solana threw her hands up and stood with a growl. "I give up! But don't come wailing to me when you realize you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you and you get to live the rest of your miserable, proud, stubborn life alone. Go ask Dad for a ship to Shanxi. He'll have it waiting after dinner tomorrow. Hell, he might even reschedule dinner for that. He's just as blind as you are. Parading all these women in front of you when you've got a perfectly good one right beside you and the only thing wrong with her is she was born into the wrong race. You're both idiots and I'm washing my hands of both of you. Kate and I are going camping. She needs some space. Leave us alone."


	11. Chapter 11

Shepard looked up as Solana came out with a pair of bedrolls and a bag. The turian said, "Get up. We're getting the hell away from stupid men for a night. I have something to show you. Garrus knows we're going so come on. And that's not an order from your illustrious master's sister. That's an order from your friend who is making a command decision that we're going to have a girl's night just for us."

Shepard couldn't suppress a smile as she said, "Okay." She wondered what had crawled up Sol's crest. She was as mad as Shepard had ever seen her and that anger seemed to be directed at her brother. They walked through the woods--well, Shepard walked, Sol stomped--with the moon overhead as their guide. As they went, Shepard began to hear a rhythmic sound that she hadn't heard in years. The trees thinned and then broke to reveal a glowing white beach with a dark body of water spilling onto the shore. The waves rolled in with a roar and a crash and then a hiss as the seafoam dissolved in its wake before the next waves rolled in. The smell of brine permeated the air and she wondered how she hadn't noticed it before.

"You live on the ocean?" she asked, stripping her shoes off to bury her toes in the warm sand. "Are there sharks, jellyfish, anything that can eat, bite, sting, or otherwise harm or maim me in the water near the shore?"

"No," Sol said. "There's a type of predatory fish similar to a thresher maw but much smaller but they stay in the deep. They only come up this far during breeding season and that's four months away. It's safe but I can't pull you out if you fall in and drown. Turians don't swim."

Shepard stripped down to her underwear and ran into the water, feeling the waves crash against her legs and tasting the salt spray. She continued on until it reached her waist and then threw her arms out and spun around. "Solana, this is perfect!" she shouted over the noise as water splashed up to soak her hair. She turned and dived into the next oncoming wave and then swum out until she could no longer touch the sand. When she rolled onto her back and looked up at the stars, the dark water cradled her and made her feel weightless. Nothing else existed in this moment but herself and the ocean and the sky. Here, amid the saltwater and darkness, she finally allowed herself to cry. Hot tears streamed down her face to mix with the saltwater in her hair.

She felt so stupid. After everything she'd been through, after everything she'd survived, the thing that finally made her cry was a man who just didn't love her. It wasn't just that, though. Once the floodgates opened, she cried for all that she had lost, all that she had endured, all that had been taken from her. She cried like she was purging five years of misery and continued to cry until it threatened to choke her and she had to sit up and tread water. She cried until all of the tears were gone and all that was left were dry, wracking sobs and then she wailed and she screamed and she lashed out at the water, wishing for her amp so that she could match her fury against the waves. And when she was spent, she let the waves carry her back to shore.

Solana was waiting patiently and handed her a towel. "I kind of thought you might need to do that."

"Thanks. I feel...empty. Which is a hell of a lot better than where I was."

"My brother is an idiot."

"Am I allowed to agree with you just for a minute?" Shepard asked.

"You are free to say whatever you want out here. That's the whole point. We're going to get drunk and shit talk men. I even found a bottle of asari wine for you. And I got some food. I hope this works and none of this needed to be cooked," she added, digging through the bag. She held up a block of cheese and crackers. "We have equivalents to these and they go well with wine, so I hoped it would with yours, too."

"Solana, you are awesome," Shepard said as Sol poured a glass for her. She drank the entire thing and then took another and sipped.

"I know," Sol said with a grin.

"And just like your brother."

Solana tossed the crackers at her and said, "Shut up! We're supposed to be trash talking him. That makes that statement an insult because it means whatever you say about him applies to me, too."

"Okay, okay. You're nothing like him," Shepard said.

"That's better. Liar."

"Can't win for losing, huh?"

"Don't humans have a saying for this? Say la vee? I think I heard that on the Citadel once."

"C'est la vie," Shepard said. "That's life."

"Yeah, that. So. My brother is stupid and can't see a good thing when it's right in front of him and my dad is a bigoted, backward asshole. Your turn."

"You think he's stupid? I told him I loved him and he said, 'I know.' Who does that? You don't say it unless you know the other person feels the same way. I'm the stupid one. Like Garrus Vakarian would ever love me."

"You're really bad at this," Sol said with a small laugh. "We're talking about him, not you."

"He's not stupid," Shepard said, lying back on the bedroll. "He's ridiculously smart and sexy and good and kind and generous and funny and a wicked shot and...kind of an asshole sometimes. But the worst part is he doesn't even mean to be so you can't really get mad at him."

Solana sighed. "I know. He's pitiful."

"Men," Shepard grumbled.

"Men," Sol agreed. "Okay, this clearly isn't going to work. So, now that you actually talk, tell me about you."

"What? You want my life story?" Shepard laughed.

"Sure. We've got all night."

"There isn't really much to tell. I was born on Earth. My parents died when I was little. I was raised in a series of foster homes. That was more my fault than theirs because I was a little shit who was pissed off at the world."

"You were a kid!" Solana exclaimed. "They shouldn't have just thrown you away because you were sad and didn't know how to handle it."

"Yeah, well, story of my life. I'm used to it. Anyway, my last foster mom got early-onset Alzheimer's and my foster dad was in denial about it until she forgot who I was and called the cops to come arrest the kid who'd broken into her house. I didn't want to go back into the system again, so I ran away and joined a gang. I was small and sneaky and easily overlooked, so they took me in to collect information and steal credit chits and run messages. When I got older, they had me selling red sand and then they tried to sell me. I didn't want to be a druggie and a hooker, so I ran away from them. I joined the Alliance on my eighteenth birthday, took to a sniper rifle like a fish to water, and made a name for myself. I took back Shanxi the last time the humans held it and they sent me in to do it again when I got captured. They told everybody I was dead, which is kind of funny because I saw my old captain on the Citadel just a few months before Sparatus gave me to Saren."

"Doesn't the Alliance buy back soldiers on occasion?" Sol asked.

Shepard laughed bitterly, "Apparently not the ones who lose their entire squad by walking into an ambush she'd tried to warn them could be there. They ordered me to go anyway. So I went and they died because of me."

"That's not on you. That's on your commander."

"Garrus told me once that when a good turian hears a bad order, he follows it and that he wasn't a good turian. He wouldn't have followed it. I did. It was on me."

Solana said, "So the Alliance just threw you away, too? Shit. No wonder you're convinced..."

"Yeah. Make no mistake, Sol. I'm all kinds of fucked up. The only thing I'm good at is being a soldier and I got my squad killed and almost got Garrus killed."

"He lost one of his squads, too. A long time ago. It messed him up but it made him a better leader, too."

"He never told me that," she said.

"He wouldn't. It was when he was assigned to the war. He wouldn't want to make you feel guilty for doing your job."

"When during the war?" Shepard asked slowly.

"The last human reclamation of Shanxi. You let him go."

Memory flashed. Battle, death on both sides, victory on hers. Walking up to the last remaining alien where he sits in the midst of his slain comrades. Head high, gas-flame blue eyes defiant and sad. A holo on his omni-tool. Man, woman, possibly female child. A family. His family. He glances at the holo and says something in his strange tongue. Looks back at her. Says something to her. She can't understand the words but the tone is calm and she understands the sentiment. He bares his throat. The sun makes his silver skin glow and accentuates the cobalt markings on his face. Silver and blue. Her favorite colors. He has a family. She tells him to go and accentuates her words with a gesture. He looks doubtful. Stands slowly. She nods. He doesn't run. He touches the forehead of each member of his dead platoon and walks away. She orders the aliens to be collected and their bodies returned to their families.

"That was Garrus?" she asks, but she knows. "I killed his squad," she said flatly.

Solana said, "He was their leader. He was young and he failed. And when he found out the Alliance was trying again, he requested a chance at redemption. Our code is not forgiving. He...he planned and executed the counter-attack. He divided his squad. He led one team, Another soldier led the other. How do you think Portia ended up with your friend? She treated him because she was there. If you had been where Alenko was, you'd have run into him. He'd have recognized you and he'd have let you go. And that's why he has to set you free."

"And then he just happened to stumble across me on the auction block?" she asked.

"Yes, actually. He didn't recognize you. He called me the day what's her name, Jack? The day Jack said it and he put the pieces together. He was afraid to tell you. He was afraid you'd hate him. He blames himself for every mark you had on your body."

"But I didn't see him when I was captured," she protested. "I wasn't on the _Euryale_. I thought Kaidan was dead. There's no way he could have known."

"Doesn't matter. He led the attack."

"We were at war," Shepard said. "We were enemies and each following orders. He had nothing to do with that."

Sol said, "He had ordered them not to take prisoners. But when he allowed Portia to claim the one you call Kaidan rather than killing him, he couldn't very well tell his second-in-command to do any differently."

"He didn't know. I don't blame him," Shepard said.

"Tell him that before you go," Solana said. "Damn, the stars are bright tonight."

___

Shepard discovered what Solana had meant about her father bending the following night. The table was set. The meal was prepared. Sol looked uncomfortable. Castis looked anticipatory. When the guest arrived, Shepard had not yet taken her seat. Garrus had gone to fetch Lavinia so Shepard took a moment to look over the newest potential Mrs. Garrus Vakarian. Pale face plate, bright red colony paint, tall, slim, tiny waist, angular hips, musical voice. Shepard knew the woman was exactly Garrus' type when it came to turians. Then Garrus walked in with Lavinia on his arm and stopped in his tracks. He gaped at the woman and whispered, "Nyreen."

Shepard recognized the name. This was the turian he'd brought home before, the one his father hadn't liked. She took in the apologetic look on Solana's face, the victorious one on Castis', and the stunned one on Garrus'. He still hadn't taken his eyes off of her. The female purred, "Garrus." Her eyes held a heat and familiarity that cut Shepard to the bone. She didn't know what to do. Should she leave? Should she stay? Did she want to witness this? Could she handle wondering and not knowing? He went around the table and hugged the woman and her stomach flipped. He was too busy talking to Nyreen to gesture Shepard to her spot, so she stood by the wall and watched Castis gloat. When the second course was served and Garrus was still talking animatedly to Nyreen, Shepard turned and walked out. No one stopped her.

"Home, then," she said. She went to his bedroom and packed her things, wondering if she should keep them or leave them here. She didn't care about the clothes, but she really, really liked her armor and rifle and she wouldn't be able to afford a new Widow. Maybe he'd let her keep it. He'd said it was hers. She left the pistol on the weapons bench. She could get another of those. He could keep the damn silver collar. She just needed something to get her to the docks. She felt like something inside of her was dying.

When she'd sorted through her meager store of possessions and had neatly folded and placed the things she'd decided could be used by someone else, she sat down on the bed and pulled his pillow to her, breathing in his scent one last time. Her insides were shredding. She put the pillow back and neatly made the bed the way he liked it. The room was clean and almost looked like she hadn't been there. She sat again and typed up a message on the datapad he kept by the bed.

_Garrus,_  
_There are not enough words to thank you for all you have given me and all you have done for me. You saved me in every way you could. The past year with you has been the happiest in my life. I love you with all of my heart. And yes, I know, you know. I needed to say it anyway. I also need to say that I am sorry for the loss of your squad on Shanxi and that I do not blame you for my capture. If you need to hear it, then I will say that I forgive you. I wish you and Nyreen all of the happiness in the world should you choose to make a match with her._  
_Please tell your mother how much I care for her and how grateful I am to her for her kindness. She has been the closest I have ever had to a mother and that is a gift I will always cherish. I have already said everything I need to say to Sol. She knows I love her. Thank Portia again for me and tell Kaidan that it was an honor to fight beside him again. I am glad that they have each other. Keep an eye on Jack for me if you don't mind. I really like her and I think she and Nihlus could be good for each other but I'm afraid he's going to break her heart. Try to encourage him to be gentle about it. She's prickly but there's a real person under there who cares more than she wants to admit. Tell the rest of the team goodbye for me as well. I will miss them, especially Sera.  
_ _I apologize for not waiting for you. I know this is something you feel you need to do yourself but I could not go without your consent so you have done it. You've set me free. I just can't be here and listen as you tell me it's over. I know it would hurt you and, honestly, I've finally found the thing that Commander Shepard can't survive. There's no Shepard without Vakarian. We are truly star-crossed. So go find your love that gives you what you need. Find your family. And remember me._

_Yours always,  
Shepard_

_P.S. I kept the Widow._

She placed the datapad on his pillow and picked up her bag. She fastened the cobalt leather collar with his crest around the neck of her exo-suit a final time and left the room. She could hear laughter from the dining room and Garrus' animated voice as he told about the Blood Pack debacle. She couldn't resist looking in at him one last time. He was relaxed and gesturing with his hands the way he did when he was into a story. The woman, Nyreen, reached over and placed a hand on his arm and said something to which he shook his head. He looked around for a moment and then returned his attention to her. Castis caught her eye as she stepped back and he nodded slightly and excused himself for a moment. Her omni-tool pinged.

 **CV:** This slave is traveling to the Citadel on business for the Vakarian family. Please provide her with safe passage and send the bill for any expenses to Castis Vakarian. She is under our protection for the duration of her voyage and any harm that comes to her will be prosecuted fully under Hierarchy property laws.  
**CV:** Shepard, show the following message to Executor Pallin of C-Sec. Also, I have authorized your use of the skycar to the docks and programmed its return to the estate upon arrival. I wish you safe travels. Thank you for all you have done for our family and for not causing a scene with your departure.  
**CV:** Venari, please arrange for Commander Shepard's transport to the location of her choice. My son owes this woman a life debt and it will be considered repaid when she has safely reached her destination. If you have any questions, you may contact me directly via the usual channels.  
**KS:** Thank you, sir.

Shepard slipped quietly out the back door and placed her bag into the skycar. It lifted off and flew through the twilight to the docks. She was grateful for the last bit of light that illuminated the Vakarian estate. "Goodbye, Garrus," she whispered.

She located a ship destined for the Citadel and was given a small cabin to herself. The trip would be short so she didn't bother to unpack but she did remove her exo-suit and replace her collar. She would wear it until she arrived wherever she was going unless she found an Alliance transport on the Citadel. She sat down and leaned her head back, willing herself not to think of Garrus. She just had to figure out where she was going. The answer was simple. Earth. It was the only place left to her and, as she'd told Solana, she missed it. It should be fall in Vancouver.

When they arrived on the Citadel, she located the C-Sec office and obtained directions to Executor Pallin's office. He was in the Embassies, of course. She kept her head down for fear of running into and being recognized by Sparatus. He was the one person who could stop this whole thing. If he decided to reclaim her, there was nothing anyone could do and the whole cycle would start again. Anxiety churned in her belly as she approached the executor's office. Fortunately, he was alone. She introduced herself and showed Castis' message to him.

"You're in luck," he said. "There's an Alliance cruiser docked here now and slated to depart within the hour. Come with me."

"I need to ensure that Councilor Sparatus doesn't see me," she said softly. "He was my first owner and has expressed interest in getting me back. I was told that you would make sure that didn't happen."

Pallin said, "Castis is an old friend. If he says he needs help paying back a life debt, I'll do everything in my power to make it happen."

He took her a roundabout way to the docks, avoiding the areas the Councilors were known to frequent and bypassing the DNA scanners. He stayed with her as she approached the captain of the ship and he requested passage to Earth for her. The man looked stunned and said, "They told us you were dead." He scanned her and nodded. "Permission granted, Commander. Let's get you home."

"Thank you, Executor," she said.

"I will pass the word to Vakarian that you are with your people. Captain, you are cleared for departure."


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard's heart pounded as she went through the airlock. She reached up and removed the collar from her neck, tracing the Vakarian crest with her fingertip before folding it carefully and placing it in a pocket. She would keep it, she decided. The airlock completed its decon procedure and she stepped onto the bridge of an Alliance ship for the first time in almost six years.

The ship felt wrong. The ceilings were too low. It was cold. It was busy but without the discipline to which she was accustomed. An ensign saluted her and led her to the officer's quarters. "Captain Pressly notified me of your arrival, ma'am. It's good to have you on board. Welcome back to the Alliance. By this time tomorrow, we'll be in Vancouver. I'm sure you're ready to be home. The officer's mess is through that doorway. The women's head is through there. The Captain said to tell you to pick any free bunk for the night. There are several available. If you need anything, just activate the comm. You're not on duty, so please feel free to relax."

"Thank you, Ensign," she said. The woman had seemed so excited and spoke so quickly that Shepard hadn't caught all of her instructions but she'd caught the gist.

The woman looked at her strangely and said, "I don't...are you speaking turian?"

"Palaveni," she corrected. "I'm sorry. I haven't spoken English in years."

"And that was in Galactic Standard, ma'am."

"Shit."

The ensign laughed. "There we go. You remember the important words."

Shepard focused and said in her native tongue, "Thank you, Ensign. That will be all." The words felt strange coming out of her mouth. After over half a decade of hearing only Palaveni or occasionally Galactic Standard, she realized that she no longer even thought in her own language. Even Jack and Kaidan had spoken one or the other. Her translator was set to Galactic Standard so now English was being filtered into it. She couldn't bring herself to turn it off.

She went into the bunk room and placed her things in the foot locker. She had expected to be tired as she'd been too wound up to sleep on the way to the Citadel but instead she found herself roaming the ship. She should be happy and relieved and excited to go home. As she had told Nihlus that last day on the _Euryale_ , starships were her home. So why, then, did she feel so out of place? She felt...homesick. "I want to go back," she whispered. She fled back to the officer's quarters which were mercifully still empty and curled into a ball on the bunk. The mattress was too hard. The pillow was too flat. The bed was too cold. For the second time in twenty-four hours, she allowed tears to stream down her face as she pictured Garrus and Solana and Lavinia, Nihlus and Portia and Sera, Titus and Demetrius and Albion, even Jack and Kaidan. They were her family and she had left them. She would have been sent away anyway but she'd left them.

She noticed a light blinking on her omni-tool and opened it. She had messages that had come in while she was traveling. She opened the one from Solana first.

**SV:** What the hell, Kate? I know you said you wanted to go home but I didn't think you'd leave without telling me goodbye. Bitch.  
 **SV:** Garrus showed me your message. I love you, too. I understand why you had to go. I don't like it, but I get it. I'll miss you. At least let me know you're safe. Keep your omni-tool. I reconfigured it while you were asleep on the beach. You can bypass Alliance comm restrictions and bounce through to our comm buoys undetected so we can keep in touch. I won't tell Garrus unless you want me to.  
 **SV:** By the way, Garrus is going insane. I think he just might kill Dad. If he does, then will you come back?  
 **KS:** I'm safe. Currently on an Alliance ship headed to Earth. I keep getting strange looks because my default language is apparently yours now. I can't remember mine unless I focus. I miss you, too. I had to do it, though. That woman is perfect for him. But I couldn't sit by and watch him with her and he deserves a chance without me getting in the way. If she makes him unhappy, though, rip her face off for me.  
 **SV:** Kate! You're alive! I'm glad you're safe and with your people. Dad's still alive. Garrus isn't speaking to him. Or, well, anybody. He hasn't left his room and won't let anyone in. He'll be okay but I think he misses you. Send him a message and let him know not to worry.  
 **KS:** I will. And keep in touch. You're the only friend I've got left.  
 **SV:** Then you shouldn't have left, damn it. Message Garrus. I think he just realized how badly he screwed up.

She took a deep breath. She didn't know if she was ready to face his messages yet but she couldn't stand the idea of him being in pain. "If he asks me to come back, I'll get on the first transport back to the Citadel and then to Palaven," she said but she knew he wouldn't and that hurt almost as badly as leaving in the first place.

**GV:** Hey. Where'd you go? I missed you at dinner. Did you go back down to the beach? If so, you can come back now. Nyreen's gone. It was good to see her but Dad's mistaken. I thought I told you to quit worrying.  
 **GV:** Shepard, why is all of your stuff missing from our room?  
 **GV:** You LEFT?! How did you even--I'm going to kill my father.  
 **GV:** Shepard, please, if you're still on Palaven, turn around and come home. We can talk this out. I'm not ready to let you go yet.  
 **GV:** Damn it, Shepard. You could have at least told me goodbye. You could have waited. I would have gotten a ship and taken you myself if you needed to leave that badly. You didn't have to go with everything left unsaid.  
 **GV:** Please just tell me you're safe.  
 **GV:** Pallin just sent my father a message. I don't know if you can get mine anymore but I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't meant it the way you took it. I hated that I had the right to give you orders. You are beautiful and smart and strong and you deserve better than this. You deserve better than me. Be happy, be free, and please forgive me.  
 **GV:** Everything smells like you.  
 **KS:** I don't know how much longer I'll be in comm range before passing into Alliance space. We're approaching the Widow relay. I'm sorry I hurt you. I wanted to make it easier on both of us. I will never forget you, Garrus. Be happy and don't kill your father. He made sure I was protected. He loves you and just wants the best for you. You deserve someone like Nyreen. She's perfect for you and she obviously cares about you. Just be sure that whoever you choose deserves you, too. There aren't many women out there who do.  
 **GV:** I don't love Nyreen.  
 **KS:** You don't love me, either.  
 **GV:** If you believe that, then why are my teeth tattooed on your shoulder?  
 **KS:** Because I wanted something to show that I'm yours. That will never change. Goodbye, Garrus.

She turned her omni-tool off and wept.

\---

Shepard didn't know what to do with herself. The Alliance had welcomed her back with open arms. Her captain, Anderson, had told her that he'd tried to arrange for her purchase but Sparatus had refused. Any rescue efforts could have resulted in the rest of the Council races viewing it as an attack on them and their combined forces joining in the war effort. She'd been sent to psych after psych and placed on leave in order to give her time to acclimatize. She'd talked about Sparatus. She'd talked about Saren and his crew. She couldn't talk about Garrus. They wouldn't understand.

She still found herself thinking and speaking automatically in Palaveni--something she suspected was her subconscious' way of keeping him close--and rumors abounded that she'd "gone native." She pushed for an end to the war and that had garnered even more suspicion. She ignored the whispers and stares. Even Anderson had begun to wonder about her sanity. She was beginning to share his concerns. She was free. She shouldn't be feeling homesick for the place where she'd been a captive.

There were bright spots in her misery. She went where she pleased. She ate extravagant meals. She shopped without being pushed around. She walked on the streets without being overly hassled. She sang in the shower. She wore an amp constantly. She laid out in the real sunshine without barriers overhead. She had been given back-pay for her time as a so-called prisoner of war and had rented a skycar one day to fly out to the mountains. She hadn't told anyone where she was going or when she would be back. She had a pack with a bedroll, food, water purifiers, and a first aid kit along with the Widow she'd refused to relinquish. When she had nothing to occupy her time or her hands, she often found herself tracing the crest with her initials carved into the rifle and remembering.

She'd gone out into the wilderness for several days and allowed herself to simply be. She took pictures with her omni-tool of the changing foliage and sent them to Solana on the third day. That had been the end of her peace. Thoughts of Sol inevitably led to thoughts of Garrus and the wide open space around her suddenly seemed too big and too alone. She'd hiked out the following morning and returned to her rented apartment.

She went out the next night, wanting to be surrounded by people even if she didn't want to interact, and drank too much. She'd known she'd had too much. That knowledge was confirmed when a man had leaned up against the bar beside her and propositioned her. She snarled at him to fuck off and he said something about her needing a real man to remind her which species she came from. She threw him across the room with her biotics and Anderson had shown up less than an hour later to bail her out of the jail she'd landed in after the resulting bar fight.

He'd sighed at her as he directed her into his skycar and said, "Being off duty isn't helping, is it?"

"No, sir," she'd replied, focusing to keep her speech in her native tongue.

"What the hell happened out there, Shepard? I've tried being patient but it's been three months and you haven't come back. We've tried everything we can think of short of sending you back into active duty."

"Then send me back," she said, unsure about where she meant into combat or to Palaven.

Anderson said, "The Defense Council is concerned that you won't be able to perform your duty. You speak their language, you push for the war to end, you refuse to give us any useful intel and I know you picked up on more than what you've given us. They aren't sure who you'd shoot if given the choice between one of them and one of us."

"You know me better than that, sir," she said wearily, laying her head back against the seat.

"Do I?" he asked. "I'm not sure anymore."

"I do my duty," she said. "They're just like any other enemy. They're just like us. They have their cruel people and their sadistic people and their noble people and their kind people. They have homes and friends and families that love them. They're people and they really aren't that different than you and me. But every enemy we fight is made up of people just like us and it's never stopped me before."

"You've never fought with the enemy before," he pointed out.

"Slavers, pirates, mercenaries," she countered. "I never took up arms against humans or in any cause that could be detrimental to humanity."

"I don't understand why you took up arms with them at all," he said.

"Because it was the only thing for a very long time that made me feel alive," she said. "With a rifle in my hand, I was me. It didn't matter who my teammates were or who my target was as long as it wasn't us. I was given an order and I followed it. If you're that worried, keep me out of the war. But get me back into the fight somewhere."

He'd pushed and argued and fought for her as he always did. They assigned her a team, gave her a ship, and sent her out into Alliance space to guard outlying colonies for raiders. It was the same thing that she'd been doing with Garrus but now she didn't have a blue-eyed sniper to count kills with. She took solace in that her new ground team reminded her a bit of Jack and Kaidan. Vega even provided some of the banter that she'd missed. Ashley Williams reminded her a bit of Kaidan.

When they defeated a group of turian mercenaries, the Defense Council decided it was evidence enough that she could fight them and her next orders had been to Shanxi. She wasn't leading a reclamation team this time. The Alliance had eventually succeeded in taking back the planet that constituted the front line of the war as neither the humans nor turians had managed to get past the others' blockades of their respective relays. Their job was to clear out the turian resistance which was still fierce though the humans technically had control.

She didn't know why anyone was still fighting over this godforsaken piece of rock. The military bases and outposts were little more than hollowed-out shells. The bunkers remained fairly intact as they were below ground but even they showed damage from both sides attempting to make them unusable for the other. The surface was rubble. Every bit of usable land was burned out. Nothing could grow. There was nothing left to mine. Resources were stretched thin. It wasn't so much a prize worth keeping as it was a backdrop for the war.

She couldn't bring herself to tell Solana where she was. Sol understood classified and grumbled about her best friend and her brother's lives being stamped with the words Top Secret. Garrus had left Palaven as soon as he'd been cleared for duty. It was the only information she'd passed on and Shepard wasn't sure if that was out of respect for her brother's privacy or for her own feelings. For all Shepard knew, there was a wedding in the works when he returned. Wherever he was, she hoped he was happy.

She sent Sol a message letting her know she was still alive as she strode into the bunker. It was running on generator power after turian forces had taken down their power grid again and was dimly lit. Soldiers went about their duties, parting for her as she walked purposefully down the hallway. No one tried to talk to her. They'd learned there was no point. She spoke to her commanding officers and her ground team. Everyone else she ignored. She ate, she slept, she fought. She tried to ignore that it was soldiers like Garrus and his team that she was killing.

She was Commander Shepard again but it brought her neither joy nor peace. She missed her turian and felt that she no longer belonged among her own people.

Admiral Hackett looked up from the datapad he was reading as she entered the command station. The room was abuzz with activity. "Shepard, you're here. I have a mission for you."

"I thought as much," she said, rocking back on her heel and crossing her arms as she waited to be briefed.

"Hostile forces have withdrawn both here and from our relay and we don't know where they've gone or why. Our scouts have reported seeing only basic patrols remaining in the area. They can't have just vanished. We have reason to believe they're massing somewhere in preparation for a major offensive to take back the planet. A turian frigate has landed outside of the quarantine zone. We need you to infiltrate it, find out who they are, and why they're here. You're the only one who can get in and out undetected, knows the layout of their ships, and who understands their language. Can you handle this, Shepard?"

"I'm on it, Admiral," she answered. Information gathering was a task she could get behind. If they knew what was coming they could circumvent it with a minimal loss of life.

He nodded. "Vega and Williams will accompany you to this location," he said, gesturing to the map. "You'll have to go in the rest of the way alone. Gather what intel you can, rendezvous with your team, and get the hell out of there."

"Aye aye, sir."

They almost made it to the coordinates Hackett had given her for the team's hideout before coming across one of the roving patrols. Her first thought was to skirt around it but they were too close to the safe location and she couldn't risk Vega and Williams being discovered. From her vantage point, she scanned the patrol through her scope, registering automatically the role of each of the soldiers and checking for familiar faces. She had fought and she had killed but she didn't know what she would do if the day ever came that she found herself facing someone she knew. She recognized neither the soldiers nor their clan markings and breathed a sigh of relief.

Motioning Vega and Williams into position, she lined up and took her first shot on the commanding officer, ignoring the guilt that ate away at her with each crack of her rifle. Turians didn't panic or break rank when attacked unexpectedly. They reacted instantly and with discipline, automatically noting the shift in chain of command and behaving accordingly. Her knowledge of their tactics and strategies made them easy to predict. She took them down and ignored the sense of betrayal as she had every time before.

They weren't Garrus' team. She couldn't think of them as his people. Instead, she thought of them as Sparatus' and Flavius' people. It made it easier for her finger to tighten on the trigger. It made her feel less like she was killing her own people. The humans were right. She had gone native. But she was a soldier, a tool, and she allowed herself to be aimed even as she aimed her weapon because the adrenaline that flowed through her was the only thing that felt real anymore.

She left Vega and Williams and moved through the forest alone, thinking back to the time before when she'd done this same thing. There was a rustle in the brush ahead and she cloaked before slipping up behind the female soldier hidden in the brush. "Put down your weapon," she ordered in Palaveni.

The turian stiffened and said, "Shepard?"


	13. Chapter 13

"Sera?" Shepard asked, stunned. Her pistol dropped. She couldn't shoot Serafina. _She has a family now. She's ours._

"Spirits, Shepard, you scared the life out of me! What the hell are you doing here? Sol said they had you out protecting colonies," Sera said, turning to face her.

Shepard blinked. "What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here?"

"We're--" Sera broke off, her eyes going to the N7 logo on Shepard's armor. "Shit, Shepard, you're with the Alliance now. I can't tell you. It's classified. Come on, we'll see how much Vakarian thinks he can tell you."

"So the frigate that landed outside of our controlled zone is the _Euryale_?" she asked as her heart began to race. Garrus was here! She didn't know whether to be afraid for him or rejoice. It would certainly make her recon easier. She followed Sera and her breath caught at the sight of the frigate. "Why were you out here alone?" she asked.

"She wasn't," a flanged voice said. "Hey, Shepard. You aren't going to kill us all now that you're Alliance again, are you?"

She turned and grinned. "Titus! Hell, no. I wouldn't hurt my family."

"You didn't seem to have a problem taking out that patrol," Demetrius said, walking up behind Titus.

"They'd have gotten us," she said with a shrug. "Our people are still at war. That doesn't mean we are."

"About that," Sera said. "Come on, Shepard."

She followed them through the airlock and the moment she set foot of the bridge, it was as if all of the tension of the year since she'd left melted away. The angles of the ship, the temperature, the voices, the language, the order, even the smell and the sound of turian boots ringing out on the metal floor felt right. She turned off her translator, closed her eyes, and took what felt like the first real breath she'd taken since the moment she'd seen Nyreen in the Vakarian's dining room. This was where she belonged.

\---

Garrus heard Albion's announcement that the shore party had returned with a guest and wondered about the trill of excitement in his XO's voice. Nihlus hummed curiously and Garrus shrugged. It was good to have his old friend back on the ship. This was their first run together since Nihlus had become a Spectre. Their crew had been hand-picked for this mission in the hopes that their comfort with and knowledge of humans would help the operation go smoothly. It had been far too long since he'd seen...

He felt a pang as his thoughts turned inevitably to Shepard. He missed his mate. The past year had been hell. He'd wished so many times that he could go back and fix the series of mistakes that had cost him everything. He'd realized too late that Sol had been right. He should have told Shepard he loved her. He should have followed them to the damn beach and apologized. He should have explained everything. He should have run away with her. He shouldn't have underestimated his father. He never should have let her out of his sight.

Garrus wanted to blame it all on Castis but couldn't. He knew the patriarch was only doing what he thought best for the family and that he was unrelenting in his duty to it. Garrus had recognized the concession for what it was the moment he'd seen Nyreen. Castis Vakarian did not bend. That he had done so had told Garrus just how far he was willing to go and, if he had snubbed Nyreen as he'd done the others, Shepard would have been the one to bear his father's ire.

Castis outranked him. He could have found a way to get Shepard sent back to auction. He could have killed her. He could have done any given number of things to her and Garrus' options for recourse that wouldn't tear his family apart would have been too limited and too late. At that point, his best course of action had been to ignore Shepard and focus on Nyreen until he could explain the situation to both women and try to enlist Nyreen's help until he was cleared for duty again.

He hadn't realized then just how deeply he'd hurt Shepard. She'd gotten so much better that he'd forgotten that she was still battered inside. Of course she hadn't believed he'd loved her. Why would she? Even as a child, she'd never been loved. She'd been bounced from one family to the next, lived on the streets, run with a gang who'd only wanted her for her skills and her body, served a military that wanted the same thing but in a different way, gotten captured and abandoned by her own people, and then had been bounced from one abusive owner to the next. Saren had been the only one she'd allowed herself to open up to and he'd abandoned her to be tortured for two years. So why the hell had Garrus been so arrogant as to assume that he'd fixed a lifetime of abandonment and being used for others' gain in less than a year? Everyone in her life for her entire life had used her and cast her aside.

She'd had no reason to believe that he would do any less and then he'd ignored what he now realized were her unspoken pleas not to do it to her again. It made complete sense in hindsight that she would view letting her go as a sign that he didn't care enough to keep her. And still she'd opened her heart to him, overcome her fears for him, moved past her pride to ask him to keep her. It was the only thing she'd ever truly asked of him. Keep her. Let her choose her own fate. She'd been happy until he'd refused. She'd given him her heart, the one thing that hadn't been taken away from her, the one thing she'd somehow managed to hide and keep safe from her tormentors, and he'd broken it. He deserved to spend the rest of his life hurting over her.

He'd lost his mind when he'd returned to his room that night, expecting to find her there and explain. He'd thought at first that she'd retreated into the yard or back out to the beach. He'd even made Sol go look for her even though he'd seen the empty servant's quarters where her things had been, had seen the pistol lying on the table and the rifle missing, had seen the emptiness of the room. Her scent had been everywhere and especially on his pillow where he could imagine her holding it to herself and saying goodbye. It had taken the note and confirmation from his father and Pallin, though, to convince him that she was truly gone.

He hadn't spoken to his father since that day. He'd locked himself in his room with her scent all around him, and had waited for Portia to clear him for duty. The moment she had, he'd boarded the _Euryale_ and hadn't gone back. He'd visited his mother on Sur'Kesh where she was undergoing treatment and had seen his sister on the Citadel once but he'd ignored the messages from his father and had refused to set foot in his home. When they'd gone back for shore leave or repairs, he'd remained on the ship or gone to stay at Nihlus' empty apartment. That, too, had been painful because the ship smelled like Shepard and Nihlus' apartment smelled like Jack and thoughts of Jack led to thoughts of Shepard. He couldn't get away from her.

He'd eaten when he was hungry, slept when he was tired, sparred when he was stressed, and run mission after mission but she'd followed him there, as well. He would catch himself turning in the expectation of seeing her at his six, left his blind spot open more than once and been saved only by Sera's combat drone because he'd gotten used to Shepard having his back, had waited for her voice over the comm. He got through the days by putting one foot in front of the other and doing his duty to his people if not his clan. Shepard was his clan.

And now he was on the human-held Shanxi where, before the day was out he might be forced to kill some of her people. Hell, they'd crossed paths here twice already. It was possible she was here somewhere. He'd gone so far as to order his people to keep an eye out for her. He wouldn't survive it if he found her dead by a turian bullet. He knew it was unlikely. Sol said she was out guarding her own people's colonies. Part of him hoped she was wrong and part of him was terrified of it as well. Hell, he hadn't spoken to Sol in weeks. Shepard could be dead already for all he knew. She was a soldier. She could die and they would never know if she'd just stopped communicating with Solana or if she was gone. The thought haunted him. He'd know if his mate wasn't out there anymore, right?

The elevator delivered them to the bridge and he stopped suddenly enough that Nihlus' chestplate clanged off of his back. "Garrus, what the--oh."

She was here. His girl was here on Shanxi and she was standing on the bridge of his ship with her eyes closed and a look of pure bliss on her face. She took a deep breath that reminded him of his own reaction to walking into his home before his father had assisted in the ruin of his life. His Shepard stood only a few feet away from him and he only peripherally registered the happy grins of his crew. His vision was filled with her. And then she opened her eyes and met his. The joy in her face was replaced by wariness and she held herself carefully. "Commander Shepard," he said, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Captain Vakarian," she replied coolly in Palaveni that was as flawless as she could make it with a single-toned voice and the shape of her mouth. If his visor hadn't told him her pulse was racing, if he weren't intimately familiar with every nuance of her voice and expression, he'd think she was entirely unaffected. She rocked back on her heel and crossed her arms over her armored chest. "Care to tell me what you're doing here?"

"Come with me," he said, jerking his head toward the elevator behind him. "Please," he added when she hesitated.

She nodded and followed him into the lift. Her scent surrounded him, assaulting his senses, and he hit the control for his cabin without thinking it through. She noticed and said, "I was thinking the comm room would be more appropriate."

"Not private enough," he growled. Discussion could wait. His girl was beside him and acting as though their bond had never existed. He needed her, needed to touch her, to claim her, to reestablish her as his mate now that she was also his equal. He held onto his control until the doors opened and they stepped into his cabin, their cabin. Here, with both the stale and fresh scents of her, here where they had come together, here where they had fallen in love, he could no longer keep his instincts in check.

Without warning, he turned and pulled her into his arms. His mouth met hers and found it stiff and resistant. Her hands came up to his chest as if to push him away but he grasped her hair, tilting her head back, and took advantage of her soft gasp to invade her mouth with his tongue the way she had taught him. Her hands shifted to the cowl of his armor and, rather than pushing, she pulled him closer. Her breath expelled on a ragged groan that could have been his name and then they were clawing at each other's armor with fingers made clumsy and fumbling by their trembling.

Her armor was unfamiliar to him and she released him to pop the clasps on it for him. Metal and carbon fiber fell to the floor in a clatter and he kicked the pieces away as he reached for her again. Her mouth was ravenous on his as her hands buried themselves in his fringe. He groaned deep in his chest as his hands skimmed over her trim waist and up her ribcage to cup her breasts. She pressed into the touch and he lifted her so that he could carry her to the bed where they fell together in a tangle of limbs and partially removed underarmor.

His hands and mouth were everywhere and there was a desperation in his touch that drove away thoughts of the hurt he'd caused her and filled her with the driving need to join her body to his. Less than two years ago, his actions would have terrified her. They did so now as well, but for an entirely different reason. She didn't fool herself into thinking this was anything but sex on his part and she knew that it would serve only to add another scar to her already battered heart but she couldn't bring herself to stop him. Only one thought had the power to make her pause. She thought Sol would have told her but her friend might have neglected to do so in order to save her pain.

She released his mouth and asked in a tortured voice, "Are you married?"

"No," he growled against her neck. "There's been no one else. Only you. There's only you, Shepard."

"Good," she said fiercely. She would think about the implications of that later. Now, she only knew the need burning white-hot inside her and demanding to be fed.

She pushed his underarmor off, pausing to lick the sensitive skin behind his spur, and trailed kisses up his thigh. He was already out of his plates and throbbing for her. He gasped and arched as much as his physiology would allow at the first long stroke of her tongue. His hands fisted in her hair as she took him in her mouth as she'd dreamed of doing. His lubrication was mildly sweet and his ridges tickled the roof of her mouth. She ignored the latter sensation and reveled in his sharp groans and the deeper warbling tone that came out of him when she did something that took him to the edges of his control and frayed them.

"Shepard! Fuck. Spirits. Shepard!" he groaned loudly and his hips jerked, sending him deeper into her mouth. She let her throat relax and took him as deep as he wanted to go.

His hands jerked in her hair, pulling her up his body. He rolled with her, pinning her under him and kissed her deeply before moving down her torso and spreading her legs with his hands. He looked at her for a moment before sliding a finger against her, drawing a strangled cry from her lips. It had been too long and neither of them had the patience to draw this out the way they wanted so his tongue quickly replaced his finger, licking her thoroughly before plunging into her. Her hips bucked and she cried out his name as her internal muscles contracted wildly around his seeking tongue.

He withdrew and surged upward, sheathing himself in her in a single smooth motion. Her legs locked around his waist, holding him inside of her, and his forehead came down to rest against hers. His heavy breathing matched her sobbing breaths as she said his name like a benediction. His eyes locked on hers and he reached up and gently brushed away the drops of moisture streaming down her face. Spirits, she had missed him. She hadn't let herself fully acknowledge just how much she'd felt that she had left a part of herself behind on Palaven. Her love for him swelled and overflowed and she could almost believe she saw it reflected in his eyes.

Now that they were joined, their urgency eased and he began to move slowly within her. He withdrew almost completely before sliding fully into her again and rocking his hips so that his plates pressed against her. His tongue explored her mouth almost leisurely as his fingers entwined with hers. She could feel the rumbling in his chest but it was a message she hadn't heard before and couldn't understand. She moved with him, grasping tightly to his hands as though she could make him stay like this forever.

His mouth left hers to trail across her jaw and down her neck. She didn't realize his intention until he put speech to the message he was sending just inside the range of her hearing. There was a wealth of emotion in the single word he spoke: "Mine." Then his teeth were on her skin over her bond mark. He didn't break the skin but simply held her with his mouth. His tongue trailed the line of his teeth before they withdrew enough to allow him to say, "Bite me."

"It'll hurt," she warned. Her teeth weren't sharp enough to pierce cleanly.

"I don't care. Mark me, Shepard," he growled, returning his teeth to her shoulder.

She turned her head and caught the thick hide between her own teeth and bit down hard. He mirrored her motion, though less force was required and she felt the sharp pain as his teeth pierced the skin followed by the hot tang of his blood in her mouth. When she released him, he reached up and collected some of it on his fingers as he directed her hand to do the same on hers. Then he licked the blood from her shoulder before rubbing his own into the wound. Hesitantly, she did the same to him.

Red blood mixed with blue on each of them to form purple marks on their bodies. When he saw it on her, he shuddered and pressed his forehead to hers. He whispered, "I let you go. The debt was repaid. You came back of your own volition. You are not my slave. You are my mate. I love you, Shepard."

Her heart stuttered as she struggled to process his words. "Well, hell, Vakarian," she finally said in a choked voice and with a tremulous smile, "if I'd known that was all it took to get you to say that, I'd have turned my ass around on the Citadel and come home."

"Home, huh?" he said and she saw the hope flare in his eyes. The fear and pain vanished as he began to move again and her heart swelled. No one had ever told her they loved her before in any context.

She said, "Home is wherever you are, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian."

"I love you," he whispered again and again as his pace sped and his body tightened. She clung to him, letting her own mouth echo his words as they flew together to a place where there was no war, there was no slavery, there was no Hierarchy or duty, a place where they were just a man and a woman, together, holding each other in the face of the storm.

When it passed, they lay together as they had hundreds of times before. His fingers trailed through her hair and he held her tightly. Finally, she reluctantly said, "Garrus, I have a team waiting for me. I need to get back to them. Why are you here? My commanding officer thinks your people are about to launch an assault."

He laughed and it was a beautiful thing, full of hope and joy and mirth. "Quite the opposite, actually. Sparatus and the rest of the Council are holding peace talks between our people. Did they not tell you?"

"Our long-range comms are down," she said. "We haven't had outside news in weeks."

"The war is over, baby," he said. "There's a cease-fire in place on both sides. All that's left is hammering out the details of the treaty. Nihlus, who's now a Spectre, is here as an emissary for the Council to speak with one of your admirals. Sera and the team were scouting to see if we could get to your base in one piece."

"It's over?" she asked incredulously, rising to an elbow to look down at him with joy on her face. "The war is over?"

He nodded. "The slaves are being freed and the ones who wish to leave are being returned to your people. Provisions are being made for those who wish to stay. You could stay...if, uh, if you wanted to, that is."

"What about your father?" she asked.

"Fuck my father," he snorted.

"I'll pass. There's only one turian I want to do that with," she said, cupping his face and pressing her forehead to his. "I love you, Garrus Vakarian."

"You don't mind the scars?" he asked, suddenly self-conscious about the marks left on his face and body from the rocket.

She lovingly traced the marred flesh and said, "Chicks dig scars."

"I take it that's a good thing?" he asked hopefully.

She said, "Remember who you're talking to? When you found me, I was one big mass of scar tissue. That didn't stop you, did it? I think you are deliciously sexy and they just add to your bad boy appeal." She hesitated and asked, "So, about me staying...is that what you want?"

His arms tightened around her and he said, "If I have it my way, I'll never let you go again."

She smiled widely and said, "Then I'm home."


	14. Chapter 14

"So, uh, Lola," Vega said, looking warily at their entourage. "You know these guys, huh? Did they, like, own you or something?"

"Captain Vakarian did, yes," she answered. "He bought me, brought me back to health, and set me free."

Williams asked, "Why'd he let you go?" as Vega said, "Yeah, but there's more to it than that, no? They act like they know you. Like you're their friend or something."

She didn't know how to respond to their queries and were just glad that they were speaking Earth dialogs. Her translator turned Vega's Spanish to Galactic Standard. The turians' translators didn't pick up human languages yet but Alenko and Jack both understood what was being said. If she told the truth then she'd lose what little credibility that she had rebuilt with the Alliance and it might very well be needed very soon. On the other hand, she didn't want to deny what they all were to her.

Garrus might not have understood the words but he'd clearly picked up on both the context and her dilemma. He said conversationally in Palaveni, "Nihlus told me that one of your people was executed for treason for loving one of ours. I would advise discretion, especially with the other female. I don't like the look she's giving you."

Shepard nodded and said, "Thanks for understanding." To the humans, she said, "Garrus, Portia, and Nihlus rescued us and made us a part of their crew. Jack, Alenko, and I were treated very well by the turians. I expect that same courtesy to be returned to them."

Williams muttered, "Yeah, we'll show them courtesy, all right."

"You're out of line, soldier," she growled.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Williams said, not sounding sorry at all. "I just don't understand how you can defend them. They were your captors!"

"I was not treated like a captive with them," she said. "I was treated like a part of the crew and Captain Vakarian's family treated me like one of their own. These people are friends, not foes. Trust me on this."

They were met at the base by an armed guard who attempted to separate Jack and Kaidan from Nihlus and Portia. The humans resisted and she ordered the soldiers to stand down. They reluctantly backed off and it was a tense march for both species. She could feel the turians' anxiety and marveled at the faith they'd placed in her even after all of the time apart. She could hear Titus and Sera rumbling nervously. The sound drew the soldiers' attention and brought their rifles closer in. "Easy, guys," she said to the turians. "That noise you're making right now sounds threatening to them. Relax. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Vega said, "Damn, Lola, I didn't know their language could sound anything but harsh and predatory. You almost make it pretty. How long did it take you to learn that?"

"A year or so," she answered. "It only took a few months to get the basics. Their language is pretty simple. It's the nonverbal parts that were difficult to grasp. They essentially have two voice boxes. One can be voluntarily controlled. The other can't. It copies the sounds made by the first but in a different tone that adds context and emotion. They can communicate through either set of sounds individually or both together. Humans are more visual and tactile where turians are primarily auditory. We have to explain and display our emotions. They vocalize it."

"So, uh, what are they vocalizing now?" he asked nervously. "Hunger?"

"Anxiety," she said. "They're nervous just like everybody else here." They entered the room and she stopped with Garrus positioned slightly behind her. "Admiral."

Hackett said, "Commander. When I sent you out to investigate the frigate, I didn't expect you to bring a squad of turians back to our base."

"Sir, I would like to introduce you to Council Spectre Nihlus Kryik, Hierarchy Captain Garrus Vakarian, Dr. Portia Octavian, Commander Serafina Tilan, and Lieutenant Titus Corinthus," she said in Galactic Standard so that everyone could understand what was being said. It had been decided that Demetrius would remain behind. He had enough trouble trusting humans he knew. "The humans are Kaidan Alenko and Jacqueline Nought, formerly of the Systems Alliance. Spectre Kryik is here as an emissary for the Council in order to discuss the peace treaty between our species. Nihlus, if you will, go ahead and set up the QEC."

"What is that?" Williams demanded of the case that Nihlus carried.

She explained the QEC as Nihlus set it up and activated it. A holo image of the Council appeared and Nihlus stepped onto the pad that would project his image to them. She wanted to make it clear as quickly as possible that the turians were not to be considered enemies any longer. In fact, it was very possible that hers had been the last shots of the war. The rest of the group stepped back as Nihlus addressed the Council and then Hackett took his place. She was impressed by the admiral's unflappability. He took the turn of events in stride.

The Council explained that they had elected to intervene in the war in order to bring an end to it. Admiral Hackett was chosen as a representative for humanity's interests as he was one of the longest-serving and most highly decorated military leaders in the Alliance. It was decided that Jack, Kaidan, and Shepard would serve as the representatives of the newly-freed human slaves.

It had already been decided that the turian government would be responsible for compensating the slaves for their time spent in captivity. All humans would be released and allowed to return to Earth or their chosen colonized planets. Humanity would be accepted as a Council race and granted an embassy. Alenko stepped forward and said, "Councilors, there are a few humans who have been with the turians from a very young age and many who have spent more time on Palaven than they have on Earth who view themselves as members of turian society. On behalf of those slaves, we would like to request that those humans who choose to stay be allowed to do so and be granted the rights and rank of turian citizenship."

Sparatus said, "And how would you propose that be arranged?"

Alenko answered, "We request that humans without military training gain the same rank as a turian prior to their mandatory service with the option of training and increasing their rank within the Hierarchy. Any who do have military experience would be evaluated and ranked as would a turian of equal experience. In addition, there are humans and turians who have formed bonds during their time together and wish to be allowed to marry. We would ask that they be allowed to do so without affecting the turian partner's standing in the meritocracy. In return, those humans would forego compensation."

Sparatus sputtered, "Humans being granted rank and citizenship is bad enough. Humans joining the turian military, humans marrying turians of rank and bypassing the system of meritocracy? Absolutely not!"

Alenko remained calm as he said, "With all due respect, Councilor, those relationships would not have formed in the first place had the turians not allowed human slavery."

Shepard muttered in Palaveni, "Why is it that when someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean 'kiss my ass'?" Beside her, Garrus chuckled.

Her comment caught Sparatus' attention. "Commander Shepard, what are your thoughts on this matter?"

He thought she would disagree due to her experiences in captivity, she realized. Her grin was feral as she stepped forward and said, "I think that his requests are more than fair. If it were up to me, we would be demanding far more. Like the conviction and execution of all turians accused of abusing humans."

He growled, "Our people were acting within the law, Commander."

"Then you should be grateful that we aren't requesting that the laws be changed and retroactively enforced, Councilor Sparatus," she said, drawing out his given name.

Councilor Tevos stepped forward and said, "I believe we have heard enough for today. We will reconvene tomorrow to continue these discussions. In the meantime, Councilor Sparatus and the Primarchs will discuss your demands and return tomorrow with their concessions."

\---

The negotiations lasted for a month. When they were not in session with the Council, the turians stayed on their ship until Shepard pointed out that it was a waste of time for them to travel back and forth each day. Hackett granted them a block of bunk rooms near Shepard's and Garrus assigned Jack and Alenko to stand as neutral guards to their area. The turians, especially Garrus, accompanied her wherever she went.

At first, the two species were wary of each other and there were a few instances where she, Jack, or Kaidan had to place a barrier between a human and turian who'd reacted on reflex at the sight of each other. Many of the humans remained wary and some, like Williams, were downright hostile toward them though none dared risk the treaty by engaging them. There were others, however, whose curiosity outweighed their fear or who adapted more quickly. Those also seemed to be the ones who warmed up to her more quickly.

She was sitting in the mess with the turians when Vega and Flight Lieutenant Cortez came over to their table and sat down. Shepard liked the pair. Vega was honest and loyal with a boisterous sense of humor while Cortez was kind, soft-spoken, and didn't hesitate to knock Vega down a peg with his quick wit. Vega said, "Damn, Scars, I know military rations suck but what is that shit you're eating?"

"Scars?" Garrus asked with an amused flicker of his mandible.

Kate said, "Vega likes to give nicknames."

"Like Lola?" he asked.

"Yeah," she sighed, twirling what she thought was supposed to be noodles on her fork. "I don't know where he came up with that one."

Vega shrugged. "You look like a Lola. So, seriously, what is that shit?"

"Draafl," Garrus answered. "It's a staple of our diet. It, uh, tastes better than it looks."

"It's actually pretty good," Shepard said, reaching over to scoop a bite of the puce food item off of his plate and into her mouth. It was better than the noodle stuff and she'd have gladly traded for it if it had any nutritional value. Garrus slapped her hand away when she went in for another bite and she grinned and bumped his arm with her shoulder, enjoying the stunned looks on the soldier's faces. "What? I used to eat it when I ran out of nutrigel in the field. It at least made me feel full."

"I told you to bring more," Garrus grumbled. "You were the one who didn't want to carry the extra weight and didn't listen."

"We can't all be big, strapping turians capable of carrying almost three hundred pounds of armor, weaponry, and gear into the field like it's nothing," she countered. "Besides, it took up room I could fill with thermal clips."

"It's not that, Commander," Cortez said. "Well, it's partly that but...I don't think I've ever seen you smile."

"Told you she went native," Ensign Harkin called out. "Why the hell are we letting the birds' whores negotiate for our people anyway?"

Garrus, Nihlus, and Portia tensed but Shepard put a hand on Garrus' arm. "Ignore him. He's an ass. He joined up before I got captured and is still an ensign because he's entirely incompetent."

Vega nodded. "He's loco and everybody knows it. He's just pissed because he'll probably end up with a dishonorable discharge now that the war is over and we don't need warm bodies to fill the ranks."

It was enough to placate Garrus but not enough to soothe him. He remained tense throughout the meal and, when they went back to her quarters afterward, he drew her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Shepard," he said. "I don't want to alienate you from your people. Perhaps it would be better if we returned to the ship."

"No!" she insisted. "It's fine. Harkin's an ass. He isn't representative of everyone."

"But he is representative of a good number of them," Garrus said, leaning his forehead into hers on a sigh. "We need to talk about this, Shepard."

"There's nothing to talk about, Garrus," she said. "I know what I want. The only question is whether you want it, too."

"The cost is too high," he said. "I can't ask it of you."

The agreement about the handling of former slaves had been reached. The humans could obtain turian citizenship if their owner agreed to allow them to join their clan. If they hadn't already, they could go through military training and climb the ranks as could any other turian citizen through public service. Human civilians, even those who turned soldier, would never reach the equivalent rank of a turian simply because of age but, since their civilian colonists faced the same thing when joining up at a later age, it was acceptable. Those with military training and experience would be evaluated and ranked according to their skill in comparison to the average turian of that rank with a single rank demotion for lacking time in service that contributed to the turian's placement. She, for example, would likely maintain her own rank as her skill equalled Garrus' as a captain and commander was a step below. In addition, the human and turian militaries would be combining their knowledge in order to build a new prototype stealth warship for the Council in payment for their service as go-betweens. The ship would be manned by a joint human and turian crew under the charge of a turian Spectre and a human protege.

Humans and turians could marry; however, the turian partner's adjustment within the meritocracy would be based upon the same standards as a turian couple coming from the same clan. The turian could be demoted or promoted personally but the human partner and the clan as a whole could not. It prevented low-ranking humans from using marriage to higher-ranking turians and vice versa in order to improve their status as there could be no heirs from the union to maintain it. The union was still subject to approval from the clan elder.

The catch to all of it was that, in order to obtain turian citizenship, the person was required to be on record as a former slave, have all control chips removed, undergo a psychiatric evaluation by a neutral asari or salarian psychiatrist, and had to travel alone to a neutral or human planet in order to renounce their human citizenship. Once they had done that, new laws forbade the human from regaining it. Dual citizenship would not be allowed and marriages between human and turian could only occur if both had turian citizenship.

Most of the requirements had been put in place by the Alliance to ensure that no humans were being coerced into remaining with their owners. The remainder were from the Hierarchy to help ensure that no humans would remain in order to spy on their government. Newly married couples were required to live together for a minimum of two consecutive years. If the turian partner was active-duty military and the human was not, then the human had to either go through training and join the military prior to marrying in order to serve alongside their spouse or had to wait until the turian's mandatory service period ended.

Garrus balked at the idea of her renouncing her citizenship for his own without a guarantee that they would be permitted to marry. His father was the clan elder and could deny the marriage. He felt that she deserved better than to be his unrecognized mate and was afraid that the Hierarchy would deploy them separately if they didn't have legal standing. Nihlus had assured him that, if that happened, he or Saren--whichever was assigned to the new warship--would simply requisition her as a Spectre candidate. That was something Nihlus was planning on doing anyway as he was determined that she become the first human Spectre, but it wasn't enough. He didn't want Saren getting anywhere near her.

"I don't want you to have to give up your people for me," he told her.

"Garrus," she said, cupping his mandibles, "you are my people. You and Sol and Lavinia and Nihlus and Portia and Sera and Titus and Albion and even Demetrius are my people. Jack and Kaidan are my people. I have been miserable since I left you. Cortez wasn't wrong. The first time I truly smiled in a year was when I boarded the _Euryale_. I want to go home and I don't care if that home is Palaven or the _Euryale_ or some prototype warship or fucking Omega for that matter. My home is wherever you are. There's no Shepard without Vakarian, remember?"


	15. Chapter 15

When the peace talks were concluded, she bid goodbye to Admiral Hackett, Vega, and Joker, and accompanied Garrus and his crew on the _TSV Euryale_ to Sur'Kesh where Garrus' mother was undergoing treatment for Corpalis. Sol was waiting and threw herself at Shepard the moment she stepped off of the shuttle. Shepard returned the embrace with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. "Kate! Oh, Spirits, you came back! I've missed you so much!" the ebullient turian exclaimed, bumping her forehead.

"I've missed you, too, Sol," she said.

Solana drew back and eyed her critically. "You haven't been eating enough," she charged.

Shepard shrugged a shoulder. "Our mess sergeant could mess up ramen."

"I don't know what ramen is but I'll take your word for it," Sol said. "Come on. Mom's having a lucid day and I told her I was bringing her a surprise."

Shepard and Garrus followed the bubbly Solana through the open facility and Shepard admired the lush gardens that ran along the sunbathed balconies. The room she led them to was bright and airy and Lavinia was sitting in a chair by the window. She blinked when she saw them and said, "Oh, no. I apologize, Solana. I believe I have lost my moment of lucidity again. I see your brother and our dear Katarina behind you."

"Is she turian or human?" Solana asked.

"Human," Lavinia answered.

Sol said, "Then you're still lucid. This is your surprise. Garrus and Kate are here to visit you. The war is over, Mom!"

Lavinia rose and came over to them with outstretched arms. She embraced Garrus and Shepard and hummed happily as she pressed her forehead to each of them. Shepard was stunned by the gesture. Lavinia had always been kind and even affectionate toward her but had never touched heads with her. Lavinia reached out and drew Solana in and said, "This is perfect, Solana. All three of my children are here."

"Three?" Shepard asked in a high-pitched voice.

"Yes, three," Lavinia said firmly. "I accepted you as family the day you came to us, dear. I simply could not show it in front of their father given your status at the time. Now, however, you are free and, if my stubborn son has finally seen past his stupidity, will be my daughter in law as well as in heart."

Garrus said, "Mom, you know Dad will--"

She cut him off. "Your father will accept her if he knows what's good for him," she said vehemently before her tone softened. "When you left and cut him off, he had some time to rethink his attitudes. He always wanted what was best for you, son. He simply did not see that what was best for you was by your side the entire time. He was angry when you left and I shamelessly utilized his fears about my condition asked him how he would feel if I left him and went somewhere he couldn't follow. I have never seen that man look so devastated. It made him understand what he had done. Go home, son, and present your mate to your father. But, first, sit down. I want Katarina to tell me about Earth."

"You never thought she was turian," Solana said in a surprised tone. "You knew she was human the whole time and you still thought it was funny that Garrus called that poor woman a broodmare!"

"Of course," Lavinia said smugly.

"You were lucid!" Solana charged.

Lavinia smiled slyly and said, "You think I didn't know what my son was doing?"

"You played along and used your disease to do it?" Garrus asked.

Shepard said, "Wait, you splashed that poor girl with soup on purpose?"

"I wanted you at the table," she said. "I'm a turian. We use the weapons we have at our disposal."

Shepard shook her head. "You are something else, Mrs. Vakarian," she said with a smile.

"Mom," Lavinia insisted, hooking her arm through Shepard's and drawing her into the room. "Now, tell me how you have been since we last saw you."

___

Despite his mother's assurances, Garrus was tense as they flew through Cipitrine to the estate on the outskirts of the city. Shepard reached over and took his hand. He gripped it tightly and thought it was ironic that he was the one who was nervous. Sol was in the back as Lavinia had insisted that she come back with them and add her voice to theirs in support if they needed it. He was afraid that they were going to need it and that it still wouldn't be enough. He didn't know that anything would ever be enough for his father. It never had been when he was growing up.

He hated that the sight of the estate made his gullet clench. He should be happy to come home rather than feeling this sick sense of dread. He was already missing the _Euryale_. The past few days had been wonderful. He and Shepard had spent every free moment in their cabin making up for lost time. His crew was thrilled to have her back on board. She and Sera had played chess and chatted like schoolgirls. Titus high threed her when he passed her in the halls. Nihlus had been discussing Spectre candidacy with her and her only hesitation about it was working under Sparatus. The three turian-human couples had spent an evening comparing their people's vids now that she had access to the human extranet and could pull some up. Even Demetrius had been glad to have her back. Nyxis had been the only one with a problem and Shepard had finally been free to put her in her place. He was seriously thinking of having Nyxis reassigned for the sake of unit cohesion.

They arrived and Sol said, "It's going to be all right. You'll see."

His dread increased with every step they took until he began to have difficulty controlling his nonverbal communications. Shepard pulled him to the side and cupped his mandibles with her soft hands before standing on tiptoe and drawing his forehead down to hers. She looked steadily into his eyes through her helmet and said, "No matter what happens here, I love you. I will always love you. I'm not going anywhere, so stop worrying. You're mine and I'm yours and that will never change." With that, she traced the lines of his bond mark and stepped back.

Her words were reassuring but the subtle reminder was precisely what he needed to bolster him. They were together. They were on his homeworld and she was here not as a captive slave but by choice as his mate because she loved him. If two people who should have been enemies could form a bond as strong as theirs then anything was possible. He would walk through hell with her without hesitation. Even if Castis rejected their choice, their bond wouldn't change. They'd get through it together. With that in mind, he took her hand and opened the door.

Castis came out of the study when they entered and stopped. His mandibles flared in surprise. "Garrus!"

"Dad," he said shortly.

Castis' eyes flickered over to Shepard as she removed her helmet and he asked, "What is she doing here? The slaves have been freed. I know you care about her, Garrus, but you can't force her to return."

"I am here by choice," she said.

Castis' mandibles flickered and he said, "I see." The words were simple but the tones emanating from him held a wealth of emotion. Surprise, dismay, resignation, and relief warred with each other for dominance. His father was an intelligent man. He knew what her presence meant. "I believe we have some things to discuss then."

When his father motioned for Garrus to follow him into the study, Garrus said, "We'll talk together or not at all." He knew that pushing Castis when he wanted something from him was unwise but he'd made his decision before entering the house. He would be with Shepard regardless of the result of this meeting and if that meant continuing to live aboard the _Euryale_ or finding a place of their own and visiting Sol when they could then so be it.

To his surprise, Castis simply inclined his head and said, "Very well."

They went into the study and Garrus very deliberately pulled Shepard onto the couch beside him and put his arm around her. He could feel her discomfort and he nuzzled her hair and said, "You will never again sit on the floor in this house unless you choose to do so. You are our equal here. You don't have to sit at my feet like a pet varren." She nodded her understanding and leaned into him, relaxing by degrees. His thumb brushed her shoulder through the exo-suit she wore and she settled a little more.

Castis said, "I take it this means that you want her to be allowed to join our clan."

Garrus said confidently, "I do. I also intend to marry her."

Castis looked at Shepard. "You understand that this means betraying your human heritage and that you can never return to your own people as one of them. You may be given citizenship but that does not equate to acceptance. You will still be treated by many as barefaced even with a clan behind you."

"I do," she said calmly.

"You can never have children of your own. Should the Hierarchy choose to allow adoption it will be a turian child and not a human," he continued.

She said, "I can't bear children anyway. If we chose to and were allowed to adopt, the species of my child wouldn't matter."

Castis said, "Turian law does not allow for divorce except in the exceedingly rare case of abuse or criminal conviction. From my understanding, humans do not inherently bond for life. As you well know, Garrus is not abusive nor is he a criminal. Should your feelings for him change, divorce will not be an option."

She said, "You're right. We don't naturally bond for life like you do and our emotions can be fickle. However, one of my last memories of my parents before they died is of asking my mother how she kept loving my father even when they fought or were angry. Her answer made a lasting impression on me."

"And what was that?" Castis asked.

"She said that she had never given herself a backup plan and that, when she looked at him and felt only irritation or anger or anything but love for him, she told him that she loved him and did something kind for him and it was true because sometimes love is not a feeling. She said that love is something you do rather than something that happens to you. By telling him that she loved him on those days, she was making a promise to love him and that, when she did, the feelings always followed the action. My emotions may at times be fickle, sir, but I am not."

"And what of your rank?" he asked.

Garrus said, "I don't give a damn about rank and it won't affect the family. You were willing to accept Nyreen even though her clan was of lesser rank than ours."

Shepard said, "Actually, sir, I was eligible for promotion to captain when I was captured. That, combined with the fact that my skill level is equal to Garrus', would make me equal in rank to him prior to the demotion for lack of time in service."

Garrus added, "She should be an admiral if human commendations and length of service were taken into consideration. She was awarded the human equivalent to the Spirit of Palaven."

Castis asked, "And what will be your response should I refuse?"

Solana spoke up then. "You will lose your children," she said matter-of-factly. "We will find an apartment in Cipitrine and you will see as much of us as you have of Garrus in the past year."

Shepard said, "Sol, I don't want that. I don't want to create a rift in your family. Your mother is ill. You should be leaning on each other, not fighting against each other."

Sol said, "The only reason for him to refuse is prejudice. If he gives in to xenophobia when he's seen how miserable Garrus is without you then he cares more about the idea of family than he does about the spirit of the family itself. The clan wants you in it. He has to have a better reason than that to deny the wishes of the clan as a whole."

The elder Vakarian said, "My daughter is correct. Garrus, as this does not detrimentally affect our clan, then if this is what you wish and Shepard accepts, I will give my agreement."

Garrus said warily, "Just like that?"

Castis nodded curtly and said, "I once told Shepard that my arrangements for your future were nothing personal against her. I do not dislike her. My objection was to you being mated to a slave at all, not to a human or her in particular. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. In this case, however, denying you would not meet the needs of the many and would serve to divide rather than unite our family. So, Shepard, welcome to clan Vakarian."

___

The next months followed in a blur of activity. She traveled back to Sur'Kesh and visited Lavinia on her own while being evaluated by a salarian doctor named Solus. When he proclaimed her remarkably mentally sound given all of the trauma she'd endured, she renounced her human citizenship and officially resigned from the Alliance. Lavinia helped prepare her citizenship request and, when it was processed, the rest of the family came to the salarian planet. Castis officially welcomed her into the clan and Solana and Lavinia applied the cobalt face paint that marked her as one of theirs. It felt strange and made her think of stories of ancient tribes who painted their faces for war. She wasn't expected to wear it constantly since her skin and facial structure were so different from a turian's so, instead, she had the pattern tattooed in the center of her bond mark.

Castis was proven correct about her welcome on Palaven but it was better than what she'd received before. She was discriminated against by many but, after the Vakarians boycotted one of their regular stores due to her treatment there, she was able to shop in peace. Their family--her family--was an old and powerful one on Palaven and they did not stand for the mistreatment of one of their own.

Lavinia was fitted with a graybox and her condition improved dramatically. She was allowed to come home for the wedding in order to store the memory. Garrus was dashing in a turian equivalent of a tuxedo and she consented to wear an asari-style wedding gown. Even Nihlus said she looked radiant. She thought it had more to do with the happiness she felt than the dress. For the first time in her life, the shadows behind her eyes faded and were replaced by joy. She had a family, a clan, a crew, and her mate who was now her husband. There would be no dirty mistresses in their life. Anderson came and stood in for her father. Saren was the only one invited who did not come.

Nihlus was granted the command of the turian-human ship, christened the _Normandy_ , and he chose her as his protege. The ground team of the _Euryale_ was joined by Lieutenant Vega, Staff Analyst Traynor, and Flight Lieutenant Cortez. Joker was chosen to be the pilot after he snuck onto the ship and took her for her test flight and then displayed his comfort with the turians. In spite of the woman's very vocal protests, Gunnery Chief Williams was assigned as well, though Shepard suspected her of being an Alliance spy. Portia was joined by a human doctor, Karin Chakwas.

The _Normandy_ was a marvel of engineering, combining turian stealth and guidance with Alliance firepower and, as it was a gift to the Council, human civilian-level comfort. The plated outer appearance of the turian ships was replaced by the sleek lines of the Alliance but the interior was designed for turians as humans could better adapt. Nihlus granted them the use of the captain's cabin as he had his own ship and expressed his intent to suggest her as the new captain of the _Normandy_ after her evaluation and training were complete. He said that it fit for the ship to be commanded by a human who was a turian citizen. He and Jack took over the XO's quarters on the crew deck. Gone were the sleeper pods of the Alliance and, in their place, there were crew quarters on each deck that were large enough to avoid the need for hot bunking.

Their first mission was to Eden Prime to retrieve a Prothean beacon. Shepard was grateful for the larger ground team that the turians used because it was Jack who reacted quickly enough to throw a barrier around Nihlus when Saren turned on them as Shepard herself was too stunned by his betrayal. The Council ordered them to find all of the information they could and bring the rogue Spectre in. Thus, the human/turian crew of the _Normandy_ were joined by an asari, a quarian, and a krogan.

Shepard's suspicions of Williams continued to grow and, when the time came to make a choice on Virmire, it was not difficult for her to decide to leave the bitter woman with the bomb and leave to rescue Alenko and the salarian STG group with which he was embedded. The choice might have been more difficult had she been willing to let Williams out of her sight but the woman was so xenophobic that she hadn't trusted her not to cause problems for the salarians. The atmosphere on the ship was noticeably lighter without her suspicious presence.

When Shepard killed Saren and made the call to allow the Council to die in order to save the turian fleet, she regretted the loss of Tevos, Valern, and the asari-designed Council flagship but felt a fierce sense of justice over the death of Sparatus. When she told Garrus that she was afraid Sparatus' involvement had swayed her decision, he reassured her that it was the right call. The Council could be taken over by people far more competent. The turian fleet could not be so easily replaced and they needed that fleet in order to fight the coming Reapers.

The only comment he made about her past was to say, "I'm glad you decided you love me."

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

He said, "Because I'm the only one of your former owners left standing."

She said, "The day you pulled me off of that auction block was the best day of my life. I do love you, Garrus Vakarian."

"I love you, too, Commander Shepard-Vakarian," he said, leaning his forehead down to touch hers.


End file.
